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break the cycle's back

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Started 1 month ago by break the cycle
Latest reply from ashrose

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break the cycle
Member

wel, havent posted in awhile but of course im back because i just binged for 2 days straight. im really upset because i went over a month without binging and was doing really well. up until sat, sun and into today, i have been binging. ughhhh. i know exactly why though. i have been snowed in since friday night. i have had nothing to do but cook, bake and eat and that is exactly what i did for 2 days straight. oh ya, i also tried to exercise like crazy but that never makes the guilt go away. i even started to binge today because i have a little anxiety going back to work and getting out of my house for the first time in a few days. i want desperately to get back on track. i promised myself today i would start new but here i am posting and binging at the sametime while feeling the effects of the weekend. how do i get back to taking control? help me, please, i felt so good about myself. i totally binged out of boredom. i had nothing else to look forward to than eating and thats what i did. now im full, bloated and disgusted.

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey BTC..sorry girl you have had a slip up this weekend..it sounds like between the weather and the anxiety of work triggered it. You have been doing great, going almost a month binge free, so just focus on getting yourself back into the swing of things. Eat what you want when you are hungry and cut down on the over-exercising. Make sure that you eat normally the rest of the day and try and take the guilt out of the picture. It was a bad weekend, you can get yourself back to the place you were at before. Write out a list of 5 things you can do if you find yourself really bored again. Hang in there friend, ~L

Posted 1 month ago #
Rage
Member

OK,
So you know you can do it, that's a first step in your self confidence. You know you can go a whole month without bingeing, well done girl!
Now you're back to work soon, that should remove most of the boredom and give you back the structure you need, like a safety net to start with. I hope when we're retired we don't have BED anymore!
Maybe you're bingeing today because you promised yourself you wouldn't? Maybe it's just the pressure you've put on a normal Monday (had the Monday effect big time for very long, OKish now, trying to put some rationale on the fact that it's just a day of the week, not a new awakening like I used to want it to be).
Don't worry about the bloating, it'll go away. Just go back to what you were doing for a month - balanced meals? regular exercise? Think back about re-saddling the horse now, don't write off the whole week, start again. It's only a little step aside you've made, it's not failure!
Keep strong.

Posted 1 month ago #
DC
Member

Dear break the cycle:

I'm so sorry to hear you are having a tough time. This Eating Disorder is so horrible whenever it gets a grip of you. I know so exactly how you feel. It's so hard to pick yourself back up after a weekend like that. I want you to know that all of this is part of your recovery. Every time you fall, every time you get back up, you learn something new, and one day you'll come out on top. I know that! Don't think that you're back at square one because you had a couple of tough days. You're strong; give yourself credit for having the faith and hope and strength to keep fighting and not giving up!

I don't know if it helps, but I can tell you how I got up after my binging episode:
I acknowledged that what I had put into my body so far, I could not change anymore. I had to let that go. I even had to forgive myself for it. I told myself that I had to eat all that stuff for a reason; that my soul needed to tell me things and that I hadn't understood or listened before. My soul needed my attention and didn't know any other way of how to get it. I did, however, have the power to change what I was going to eat from that point forward. I made myself realize that it was not going to get worse from where I was at that point. If I could bear being me in that moment, the only way was up. It helped me to realize that I had the power to change this.

I went for a long run with my dog in the wilderness. Nature is where I feel free, healthy, powerful, and part of something amazing. I feel clean on the inside when I come back. I don't know if you have a stretch of wilderness or nature where you live. It's good to go there to find strength in your heart! Then just make your next food choice a great one, don't let yourself go hungry, don't try to loose weight, just try to feed and nourish your body. Whenever you have thought of body hate, wanting to loose weight, or wanting to eat too much of anything, sit with yourself and find out what your soul is asking for. What you're feeling and why you're feeling that way, and what you need, to be able to change that.

I hope so much, that you get better today!

Posted 1 month ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

Hey hon good to see you.

First of all remember that you may have binged for the last couple of days but that doesnot take anything away from the fact that you went for a month without binging. Don't punish yourself for having a blip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have recognised a number of reasons behind why you might have binged which is good as it means that you are really recognising the feelings and it might be that sometimes you still binge to deal with them but at other times you may recognise them and deal with things in other ways which is good as well.

You can def get back on track I know it

Posted 1 month ago #
break the cycle
Member

thank you all so much, the rest of the day didnt go so hot either. i continued to do the "all or nothing" ATTITUDE. i think i got it out of my system now and am really excited to start again tomorrow. i think what i'll take away from this whole episode is that i really loath this state of mind as before when i was doing this all the time, i would brush it off more easily bc i would restrict and over exercise ect ect to make up for it and it would just happen again and again, now that i got a taste of what it's like to be in complete control and how good it felt and how good i looked and felt for a whole month, i dont ever want to come back to this dark place. so with that said, maybe my next period of no binging will be longer than a month. i also have to keep in mind that this is a disease and relapses will happen, i cant let it hold me back to happiness.

so tomorrow sis a new day, a new start and a new attempt to go a long period without these horrible feelings and state of mind. thank you all for your support. i cant tell you how good it feels to have people to rely on that know what im going through and will make me feel better about the situation. God bless

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Oh BTC so happy to read this post that you are excited to start fresh tomorrow and get back on track! I know you can do this...like you said its a process, a small setback never discounts all that you have learned and the progress you have made. So take what you learned from your month binge-free and use it to go 2 months Keep posting friend...I'll be cheering you on! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 1 month ago #
Sez
Member

Hey great work on having made it to a month before. If you cab do it once you can do it again!!! And hopefully for longer too Have a good day xxx SEZ

Posted 1 month ago #
break the cycle
Member

yes, thank you lauren and sez. i am very focused today. reflecting back on the weekend, atleast i can pinpoint why i binged, it also doesnt help that i'm starting my cycle and i have a ferocious appetite. being confined to my house for 52 hours with no way of leaving was a definite set up for a binge. thank God that probably wont happen again for a long time. so today, feb 9th is a new, fresh start. yay. i also think i may have binged bc i got a little too confident that i had this disease beat, thats why i havent been posting as much. well, we all know what happened so i will continue to post and be accountable for my decisions along with giving support to others.

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Yay for feeling focused and back on track today! Yeah between the house lockdown and having those cravings/increased appetite from PMS its easy to see how you had a tough weekend! I'm glad you are ready for a fresh start and to stay vigilant fighting off this binge monster! Have a great day! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 1 month ago #
cookiemonster
Member

Hey! I am glad youre back. That BED is sneaky, even when we think we have it under control he can always creep up during tough times or even during times when we least expect it. You have come a long way so dont let it bring you down. I am happy that you are back on track and are putting this behind. Take care xox

Posted 1 month ago #
break the cycle
Member

today was better, didnt get to workout b/c i have absolutely no energy. i hate this weather and being a woman with this stupid pms. Guys have no idea what we go thru. anyway, didnt binge today, had no urge at all because i did so much damage this weekend. i havent even been able to workout and work it off yet either which makes me anxious but atleast i didnt go bisirk with working out to counteract the binge like i use to and i didnt restrict. i think that's progress in itself. i will post on everyone's tomorrow. im so whipped out. lov u guys

Posted 1 month ago #
Lauren
Member

Def. progress not compensating with exercise or restricting!! No worries you'll be back in the gym in no time! Glad you had a good day. Sleep tight! ~L

Posted 4 weeks ago #
Lorena
Member

Hey hey,

Glad to see you back. I missed you.

Sorry you've had a rough time but i know you'll get back on track and soon will have that energy and positive attitude you had before. This will pass and you'll do great again.

Posted 4 weeks ago #
break the cycle
Member

Thank you guys, you're support means the world to me. You guys are why I picked myself back up and am back to recovery. I feel good today. I guess I just have to listen to my body and give it extra bc my appetite is so big when I'm on my period. Is anyone else out there like this? I can't feel guilty for eating extra if I'm hungry. Right?

Posted 4 weeks ago #
Lorena
Member

Hey,

I have days when i'm mega hungry and eat a bit more than usual. Remember if your body is hungry then feed it and try not to feel guilty. Overeating is not the same as a binge.

Posted 4 weeks ago #
Lauren
Member

BTC..I had some serious PMSing for 7 days before I just got my cycle and I was really wanting sugar/carbs and had a increased appetite! I just let myself have more sweets and eat more because I was hungry!! Nothing to feel guilty about at all..it will get better when cycle time is over! Glad you are feeling great today! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 4 weeks ago #
break the cycle
Member

Thank you guys, you're support means the world to me. You guys are why I picked myself back up and am back to recovery. I feel good today. I guess I just have to listen to my body and give it extra bc my appetite is so big when I'm on my period. Is anyone else out there like this? I can't feel guilty for eating extra if I'm hungry. Right?

Posted 4 weeks ago #
break the cycle
Member

feel better today, i actually didnt want to workout after work today but i forced myself bc i knew i would thank myself after i was done. i feel good and back on track. i hope that this carries out. i just dont want to go back to that scary world of binging. its such a dark place for me.

Posted 4 weeks ago #
ashrose
Member

You are so right, I know Lauren and Sarah and everyone else on here would say the same thing - if you are hungry you should eat someting! Your body tells you it is hungry because it needs fuel to do a little extra work this one week of the month. Keep going strong and have a great workout!
<3 Ash

Posted 4 weeks ago #
cookiemonster
Member

I think everything happens for a reason. Maybe re-experiencing that binge sensation just reinforced the idea of where you DONT want to be ever again! I know what you mean, you never regret doing a workout but you can regret missing it hehe. Always feel better after you start and sometimes the ones you dread turn out to be the best ones !

Posted 4 weeks ago #
Lauren
Member

No no no BTC..nothing to feel guilty about if you are eating extra because you are hungry!! Perfectly normal and the right thing to do! Good job getting yourself to the gym! So glad you feel back on track. Big hugs, L

Posted 4 weeks ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

Hey

It is so good to read that you are back with it and doing well. I think being a woman is one of the hardest parts as normally a woman without bed would eat a bit extra before her period and wouldn't make a deal out of it, but for those of us that struggle around food any extra eating sends us into orbit in our minds because we view it all negatively.
I would say that you have done really well and having some extra food in a controlled way around your period is not going to hurt, but if you try to restrict during that time what your body is saying it wants that is going to lead to binging which won't be good in the long term, so listen to your body and give it what it needs

Posted 4 weeks ago #
Lorena
Member

Hey BTC,

You won't allow yourself to go back there and we won't either. Just keep with the jouranlling and posting and believe in yourself. A few bad days out of many great days is nothing.

Posted 4 weeks ago #
Rage
Member

Hey BTC, glad you feel better now. What you did for a month was brill, what you're doing now is even better than that: you're facing into it after a small step aside, not throwing it all out of the window, but hanging there: I admire you!
I remember a beautiful thin healthy woman telling me: the week I'm due for my period, I stuff myself like a goose - always starving! Since then, anytime I am hungrier (or feel like it) that week, I remember her and think women without BED feel the same, so I actually never beat myself up at that time!
Keep strong

Posted 3 weeks ago #
break the cycle
Member

Thank you all for your great suport. Rage, ill definitely keep that thin woman in mind next month.

I have been great this week. Today, I indulged a little in vday treats, but that's ok. I hope u all have a great nite : )

Posted 3 weeks ago #
Lauren
Member

Awesome to hear you've had a great week! Some V-day indulgences are well deserved by all of us!! Hope you have a great Vday! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 3 weeks ago #
Lorena
Member

Hey BTC,

I'm glad you had a great weekend and you lucky thing on getting valentines treats. I got nothing so right now am jealous lol.

Posted 3 weeks ago #
break the cycle
Member

so the more i think abt it, the more im actually happy i binged last weekend. i kmow this sounds crazy but it totally helped me with the fact that if i can go 6 weeks w/o a binge, have a binge,, figure out why i had a binge, and pick myself up and get right back on track is so empowering. that is so much improvement for me, i usually would feel completely defeated. it also showed me that even though im not perfect and i might always have this BED thing, and occational slips, it's ok, ill bounce back. this time, im goin try to beat my 6 weeks record.

i also had some positives for myself this past week. i actually went out for some beers and ame home and went straight to bed. i usually eat when i get home from the bar and it leads to uncontrolled eating. that was huge for me!!! also, with a holiday(if you can call v-day a holiday) i usually use it as an excuse to overeat and binge but nope, not this time. i allowed myself some treats and maybe a bit too many but the important thing was, i didnt binge. yayayayyaya

have a great week lovie doves

Posted 3 weeks ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

Your right you should be proud of yourself. You have done really well and it is great that you can recognise it as well rather than us just telling you.

Posted 3 weeks ago #
Lauren
Member

AW BTC, you are so right!! It is so huge that you were able to have that binge last weekend and immediately pick yourself back up and get right back on the recovery road moving forward! That is what this process is about, even if you do have a small slip up, you just get right back up, learn from what happened, and get right back on track! I have no doubt you can and will get past your 6 week goal! That is awesome that you didn't binge post-beers and that you had a nice V-day, enjoying treats and not using it as an excuse to go crazy on food!! Well done girl...your amazing!! Have a nice Monday! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 3 weeks ago #
break the cycle
Member

Lauren, you're so sweet! Thank you for listening. I actually have been feeling really great about myself. I'm happy with my body now, and my eating, my mental state!! I owe it all to God and him leading me to this forum where I met u guys. I have been doing really great since my binge last week. I'm glad it happened bc it totally showed me my progress and where I don't want to go back to.

Posted 3 weeks ago #
ashrose
Member

Hi break the cycle,
Wow that is very iimpressive that you are able to turn a 360 and take the good with the bad! I am having a hard time breaking my habbits. Did you have a hard time before? Lately I have been binging every day. I went 3 days and thought I was on track but then it started back up again. Do you have any advice?

Posted 3 weeks ago #
break the cycle
Member

Ashrose, thanks for listening.I'm clearly not perfect but I do feel I'm learning how to handle this. I still have urges to let loose but I'm learning the root of why I use to binge a lot. It had to do with boredom, lonliness, just bc I could get away with it, I would be so healthy all week then just have no control, procrastination, anxiety going to work...etc. I had too many rules and regulations. I.e. Do not go over 13-1400 cal/, don't eat aftr work even if you are hungry, weigh yourself everyday and have a goal weight in mind, If u gain, shame on u, u need to cut the cals tomorrow. Sound familiar? With the help of everyone on this forum, I stopped all the ruls, no forbidden foods exist now, no calorie counting, no weighing. It is sooooo much stressful to live this way. I also let myself have treats throughout the week. They're almost like a vaccine, if u give yourself a small dose, your body will remember that and won't urge to have unlimited amounts. I am a huge fan of intuitive eating. Everytime I'm hungry I eat whether its a snack or a meal, I always keep snacks on hand in case. I use to plan it out, every 3 to 4 hrs I would eat something wether hungry or not but that was just anther annoying rule that I threw out with the rest. I went 6 weeks wo a binge and this was a first in a long time, prob over two yrs, so it must be working. I feel satisfied everyday, I'm not consumed by food and when and what I'm gonna eat next, how many cals are in it, how many am I allowed for the rest of the day. Yuck, who needs rules. We have enough to worry abt already. Sorry to go on and on but I hope some of this helps. Good luck hun : ) I'm pullin for u

Posted 3 weeks ago #
Lauren
Member

BTC I'm so glad to hear you are feeling happy with yourself, your body, your eating!! You are doing awesome!! I absolutely love everything that you wrote to Ashley!! Throwing out all those rules really does help so much and you are right eating some treats during the week is like giving yourself a vaccine..enough to enjoy and take away the cravings without going crazy on it!! Your making me proud friend!! Hugs, Lozzie

Posted 3 weeks ago #
Lorena
Member

BTC,

You so have the right attitude and wow I love how you are so to grips with intuitive eating. It does feel good to do and you feel so much more in control.

It does feel like you can enjoy life more and you feel like you have it back.

Well done on also realising that it is a HUGE acheivement to pick yourself up and move on after a binge. That is a major thing to do as binges can lead into two days, 3 days so getting back on track after a binge is awesome.

Posted 3 weeks ago #
ashrose
Member

Hi wow thanks for writing all of that. I used to be that way and when I threw out the rules I think it was like a form of rebelling against being so strick with myself for so long. I tend to be very b&w all or nothing but I am realizing that. THanks so much for the advice and the encouragement and keep up the great work yourself!
<3 Ash

Posted 3 weeks ago #
break the cycle
Member

Thanks guys, this week has been good so far. I hope the weekend doesn't pose any problems with my new goal of passing my 6 week goal. I'm going skiing on sat so that will feel good to get some fresh air. Hope everyone has a great day : )

Posted 3 weeks ago #
jacquirsw1
Member

Well done for ahving a good week. I am sure that even if the weekend does throw you some surprises that you will be able to use the skills you are learning and get through it.

Posted 3 weeks ago #
Lauren
Member

Ahhh skiing should be a blast!! You will do great this weekend...believe in yourself and stay positive! I know you can do this! ~lozz

Posted 3 weeks ago #
cookiemonster
Member

Wow your last post really shows how far youve come. You bounced back so fast after your binge on top of it, which really shows you can just brush it off and move on which is they key to full recovery. You are inspiring ! I know the weekend will go good, I am sure youll be too busy having fun skiing to think much about food ! xox

Posted 3 weeks ago #
excrisis
Member

6 weeks is freaking awesome! I am sure you will make it through, just keep up the positivity and keep that healthy relationship rolling!

xo, Stephanie

Posted 3 weeks ago #
break the cycle
Member

Thank you guys for the encouragement. So today might be a challenge for me. I work a double(14hr day) with no breaks or lunch...I'm in the pharmacy so I can't leave by law. This isn't that bad but the old me use to use doubles as an excuse to get crappy stuff to eat all day and binge when noone was in the pharmacy. But, like I said, that was the old me...the new me will behave and not focus on food as a distraction from this long day.

Posted 3 weeks ago #
Lauren
Member

Hey BTC..you can do this...pack yourself a few meals and snacks to take along with you!! Good luck..I know 14 hours is insanely long! I hope it passes quickly...stay strong!!!

Posted 3 weeks ago #
cookiemonster
Member

Hey ! I know what you mean because I always used to binge during boring shifts or long airplane/train/bus rides out of boredom. Maybe you can bring a book/magazines or something else to entertain you during the dead hours?

Posted 3 weeks ago #
Lorena
Member

Hello me love,

Just don't think about the food so much and just enjoy it. You'll be fine and have a wicked time skiing!!

Posted 3 weeks ago #
excrisis
Member

I hate when those food thoughts get in my head and take over! Just gotta get them out asap! The new you will kick those thoughts in the ass.

Have fun fun fun!

xo, Stephanie

Posted 3 weeks ago #
break the cycle
Member

Well, I survived my double. Allowed myself some chocolate(maybe a lil too much) but no binge. And also, I just fit very nicely into a pair of jeans I haven't stuffed myself into since I started binging 2 yrs ago. A lil shout out and pat on the back to me : ) I am proof that the weight does come off naturally and I don't have to count calories or weigh myself. Praise the Lord!!!

Posted 2 weeks ago #
ashrose
Member

Woohoo right on! That is a great feeling! *Patatat* on the back for you, and a few too many chocolates just makes the day sweeter ;p

Posted 2 weeks ago #
Lauren
Member

Oh that is WONDERFUL BTC...Super big hug and pat on the back!! I know that validation really does feel GREAT!! Awesome job getting thru that crazy long 14 hour shift...and its all good about the chocolate..thats what it is here for Have a great Friday! Hugs, Lauren

Posted 2 weeks ago #

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