Reading Jacqui's post on CBT has made me to reflect on yesterday's eating. Yesterday was pretty typical: I woke up, felt full from yesterday's late night eating, and so I didn't have anything. I went to the gym, worked out for hours, came home, and went out - didn't have anything substantial until around 9:30 pm. And once I started to eat, I ate until it was around 2 am. Granted, I stopped before I became uncomfortably full - something which I've been able to do and which I'm proud of myself. The food I had a lot of were the ones which I tried to resist eating. I guess the idea that it's a "bad food" really got to me. At this moment - at 12:11 pm, I'm thinking of ways to make today a better day...I can very easily have today turned into yesterday again but I'd much rather not. I want to break this cycle...
Binge Eating Forum » Eating Accountability Journal
Blueberries' journal
(10 posts)-
Blueberries
MemberPosted 7 months ago # -
jacquirsw1
MemberHi
This is a really positive post!!!!
Have you thought of any ways to change things. I know for me one of the big things is not letting past eating effect future eating.
What I mean by that is if I have binged, I no longer restrict, I just go straight back to a 'normal' eating pattern.
So if I have a late night binge, I don't get up the next morning and starve myself any more. Now I get up and have a average sized breakfast, then lunch and then dinner.You can break this cycle.
Jacqui
Posted 7 months ago # -
Anonymous
UnregisteredSo, partly thinking of breaking the cycle and partly thinking that I should give my body a break from working out, I had a substantial lunch as opposed to going to the gym. I now feel quite full. I have to admit that I'm not used to this sensation. I'm used to feeling empty and hungry during the daytime. I feel full and chubby... This is what I don't know what to do with myself. I like how my stomach looks when I feel hungry but then I'd be always thinking about going home to eat. But when I do eat, I don't like how my stomach look and feel fat and don't really wanna to get out of the house (unless I absolutely have to). What's the solution to this? Eating just a little bit of food? Sigh, that'd be hard.
Posted 7 months ago # -
jacquirsw1
MemberHi
sometimes it is about what you eat rather than the amounts of it.
I know that when I eat certain things I really see a difference and 'blow up' with them but other things don't affect me.
Or yes you are right eating smaller amounts but eating more often may help.But also remember that your view of how you look and the difference when you have eaten may not actually be real.
Jacqui
Posted 7 months ago # -
Blueberries
MemberYes, I do know what you mean, Jacq. Certain things can easily blow me up but other things are usually ok. If only I know how to make the right choices at those critical moments!
So, yesterday, I fell back to my regular routine - no substantial eating until mid of the evening. I guess everyone wants familiarity, especially when one has experienced the otherwise (rather recently) and doesn't like it. I felt famished by 8 pm, and finally had my dinner at a hotpot place around 9 pm. The food served there was so good! I really enjoyed my dinner - probably because I was really hungry and I was having fun eating with my BF.
That night, after getting back home, I didn't eat and eat - I did snack but I didn't eat to such a large extent as some other nights. I'm glad. My mom just got admitted into the hospital yesterday night and I can tell my dad's really worried. I'm trying hard to monitor my feelings and don't let myself stuff up my feelings with food....because we all know that's not a constructive way of dealing with negative emotions...
Posted 7 months ago # -
jacquirsw1
MemberIt sounds like you are making some break throughs here, which is great.
The fact that you didn't go home and binge after your meal is brilliant.I hope that it is nothing toooo serious with your mum but I know that anything is worrying when it is our parents no matter how serious the medical profession view it.
Jacqui
Posted 7 months ago # -
binger
MemberSorry to hear about your mother blueberries.
Posted 7 months ago # -
Blueberries
MemberThanks for your concerns, Jacq and Binger. My mom is now on palliative care. My heart sank when I visited her at the hospital, and realized that I was able to enter the palliative ward where my mom resides.
If I have a choice, I wish I could give her some years of my life. Life is really not fair. As far as I know, she's leading a much more productive and social life than I have been. She doesn't spend time worrying about body image and weight and food like I tend to do. She isn't selfish and anti-social like I can be. But it's also helpful to remind oneself that human is not immortal. My mom is not the first mom to die and is certainly not the last one. There is a begining and an end, so while it's ok to be sad, one shouldn't really drill on it. That's just life. This attitude - or perspecitive, rather - has led my BF to preceive me as being nonchalant towards my mom's health. He even gave me a lecture, how he would do this and that (i.e. unlike me). But I've realized that I don't tend to binge-eat just because I have an argument with my BF - which is good. Let's keep it this way. lol.
Posted 7 months ago # -
jacquirsw1
MemberWe all manage thing like this differently, and yes you are right it is the cycle of life. It can come across to other people differently which shouldn't make you feel bad anyway.
You may also find that when it does eventually happen that you react differently, but you might not, it is just going with what your brain wants to do.
It is good that you have found out soemthing else about your binge eating though.I hope that she doesn't suffer and that you have some good times to remember
Jacqui
Posted 7 months ago # -
binger
Memberblueberries you are not selfish or anti social...this is part of your disorder but in no way defines you as a person.....
Posted 7 months ago #
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