Hey, Alice!
thanks for your interest on here… it’s good i’m not alone in these feelings, but i do feel like i am and moreover, you’re feeling this way too…
i would love to talk on here… anyway i just eat enormous amounts of foods, spend about 8 hours on the net doing nothing, nights when i can’t sleep, quite often cry, exercise like crazy, being lazy and just killing myself.. i’m ashamed to be in the middle of people.. oh gosh, this is such a mess!
i watched titanic today again, exercised with hula hoop all 3 hours, but at the evening… of course binged. i’m ashamed and scared of the way i’ll get back t school. i’m the smartest in my class, but i don’t want to look like this… chubby, fatty, sad, out of control, sometimes selfish, stupid, weak, insane ass i’ve become. i feel like i want to be anorexic again, then some thouhghts scream that i must eat healthy, not like when anorexia, but if i start, i got so fed up with that healthy stuff, i’m afraid of what my relatives would say again. i’m traumatised. everytime i look at the mirror i hate those fats and useless body parts, so in the same time i’m desperate to do something in order to improve situation, but now dominate that part which pushes me to eat because of the person i’ve become. and i’m so worried about what will happen when school starts… i’ve got only a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gosh, i’m in such a mess… i wanna cry, cry, cry and go somewhere out of myself, these people and this insane world
sorry, guys….
