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Anorexic to Binge Eating. Help!
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July 4, 2011 at 12:50 pm #3746
Hi, I figure it’s time for me to seek help..
A little bit about myslef first: I’m 20 and about a year ago I was diagnosed with Anorexia. Within the year my BMI went from 26 to 14.4. Anyway, about a month a half ago something just snapped in me and I started allowing myself to eat. I think I was scared because the doctors were saying my Potassium was at a dangerous level and I was at risk of cardiac arrest. At first I just had some Ensure drinks but then I got the taste of it and couldn’t stop. I had forgotten how much I loved food and began to eat everything I could get my hands on with the justification that I needed to put on weight for my health.
Now, a month and a half later I am STILL binging every day without fail. Probably around >8000 calories each binge (I wish I was being melodramatic) with multiple binges occuring in just one day. Although I have gained all the weight that I lost which is better than being the sickly weight I was, I am now stuck in this habit that I feel I cannot break. It’s like this overriding compulsion to binge (not eat normally). I don’t know what hunger is anymore, it feels like I’m hungry all the time which can’t possibly be true after having an entire loaf of bread, box of cereal, chocolate bars, icecream and more within the space of an hour.
The binges feel uncontrollable and frenzied and it’s like I turn into this ravenous animal and will not stop until I feel so unbelievably sick and bloated I could pop. Sometimes if I don’t go to bed straight away I will wait until I feel only slightly better and then have the urge to eat until sickness again.
It’s disgusting. I feel more depressed than ever and am so desperate for it to stop. I haven’t been a day without binging like crazy for so long! Needless to say the mental part of Anorexia hasn’t left my side the entire time – I feel so fat and repulsive. I haven’t left the house besides shopping (for binges! ) as I am too ashamed of how I look.
Also, every day I try to ‘start anew’ and be good. I think I’ve tried everything: from being unhealthy and trying to restrict but just end up binging to eating healthily and spaced out during the day..but I just end up binging anyway, if not more. Maybe I should take appetite suppressants? I don’t know..I have no idea what to do
It would be great if someone could help. Any suggestions would be fantastic!July 4, 2011 at 1:48 pm #83422
Welcome to the site, It sounds like you have had a very hectic few months, I hope this site helps you as much as it has me, I used to be very underweight and bulimic then I started binging/purging/fasting and for many years it has been a vicious cycle, I am 22 now and finally feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that things can be better and life can be binge free.
Things that have helped me are not being so restrictive about food, so instead of saying “im never having chocolate again” I allow myself the occasional treat, eventually when you know a certain food is not completely off limits you seem to crave it less than you did when it was forbidden. Exercise is another great way to help with binging and so is talking to someone and confiding in them about your problems, after all a problem shared is a problem halved, so if there is someone that you can talk to then I really suggest letting some in. Also take advantage of this amazing site and the great people on it, everyones story is unique but we are all suffering with similar issues so there are lots of people that can help and give great advice.
Love F. xJuly 4, 2011 at 8:33 pm #83423
I cannot honestly give you advice or tips because, I myself amd struggling with the same issues that you are. But one thing that really helped me was being numb. Numb to self image and looks; that is if I thought I shouldn’t eat something because it would make me fat, I would automatically think “oh well, I can just buy bigger clothes” Surprisingly, this helped because the pressure to be thin was off so I was not desperate to eat ALOT, because I would allow myself to eat “bad foods” in the future, and this actually helped me to control portions and intuitive eating because, Hey! I can still eat some chocolate tomorrow.
Maybe that is the problem, after a binge, you think “OK! I’ve got to get under control, tomorrow I will only eat 1000 calories, lots of veggies, lean protein etc.” but then your body is like WHAT! . why do I have to go from consuming tubs of ice cream and chocolate bars to only healthy foods? SO your body craves junk food again and you give it too much because you feel like it is the last time you will get to eat it.
Do everything gradually, lower your intake of sweets a little bit everyday until you reach a normal portion. You might feel like you are taking 2 steps back but it will help in the long run if you don’t suddenly restrict yourself from all of your binge foods.
-EmmsJuly 4, 2011 at 8:35 pm #83424
PS< Florence, I did not read your post until I wrote my reply so I did not realize that we were both emphasizing the same points!!July 5, 2011 at 9:23 am #83425
Thank you so much Florence and Emma. Just reading your similar responses it makes it pretty obvious that what you have suggested is the way to go.
Just reading other people’s posts it is comforting that other people are dealing with similar eating issues (in a me feeling less alone way and finding support- not that I take comfort in other people having issues!)
I think exercising is a very good idea for me as I haven’t for so long and the endorphins would do me good. First step is plucking up the courage to leave the house and not listening to my head saying I’m too large to be in publicJuly 6, 2011 at 7:48 pm #83426
Endorphins are awesome!
It just takes a bit of motivation to get up and do it but once the endorphins kick in, I am gone. It takes 21 days to make a habit and that has definitely proved true with exercise. Just don’t skip any days for 21 days! even if you only have time for a quick jog ; after 21 days your body will crave exercise. and the best thing? exercise makes your stomach forget about food!July 31, 2011 at 9:22 am #83427
I can relate to this I am male 46 whom was diagonised last year and was 8 stone at Xmas, but since put on 3 stone and thats from Binging, I binge then starve adn binging is now getting worse lasts for days!!
I feel so low and having real bad thoughts.
FEEL SO FAT!!
HELP PLEASENovember 4, 2011 at 4:21 am #83428
i had the same thing happen to me.
after recovering from anorexia, my body just sort of went in to survival mode and i ate everything i could get my hands on. i gained all my weight back and then some. i think what triggered this was losing my boyfriend and my job all in one week. i binged every day for three weeks
but then, i had a realization . kindof a mental breakdown actually.. i realized that this isn’t the way i want to live my life, that there is no other option but to eat right and exercise. i also noticed that i take life way too seriously.
i hope my story helped you.November 4, 2011 at 5:42 pm #83429
Hey Doublehelix, Welcome to the site x SarahNovember 6, 2011 at 8:46 pm #83430
I am like all of you, and really struggle with eating and food in general. i want to tell my mom and dad so badly. i tell them everything about my life with the exception of the fact that about a year ago i was totally anorexic. i was 5’6” and weighed 109-112 pounds. now im about 127, just shy of 130 and my mom told me yeserday that i look like a healthy perfect weight. a reason i have gained is because of my binging habits. theyre awful. i go on a binge about every 2 weeks and its been going on for about a year now. theyre not as bad as they used to be, but do you all have back pain or soreness after your episodes? I go so crazy im in physical pain after i stuff my face. recently i have really begun to worry about how this affects my insides. my kidneys and other organs. i wonder if my cholesterol is INSANELY high. and i work out and always get back on track, but then i binge again! i might still be restricting some. mybe thats it. ill elliptical or run 40 minutes and then eat 2000 calories total that day. is that too little? i want to get over this its so awful. last night i was at a family party and ate soooo much food i woke up sore this morning. how pathetic. today i had a fatty breakfast, peanuts, a diet coke, then 2 massive frappucinos, a granola bar, and a muffin. im about to meet a group for a project im working on (im in college) and im worried my stomach is going to make unpleasant gross gassy noises the whole time. and im still losing hair. from eating poorly. maybe its just stress now. im not sure. but id be way more confident if i had the thick long blonde hair i used to have before i became such a weird eater. please help. maybe ill journal here every morning to straighten my life out. i really need to get over this. im so worried about my body and what im doing when i make it work that hard to digest food, but when im in binge mode, i dont care at all. and i just eat myself to death. or pain at least.November 7, 2011 at 6:53 pm #83431
Hey, I think that the stress/binging etc would def be a factor in why your hair is not so long and thick anymore. It is great that you have been able to leave anorexia behind, because atleast your body will be thanking you for that. You binges have prob reduced as you came closer to a healthy weight, its just that now they have turned into a bit of a habit, this + still trying to restrict/lose weight = binge eating. The stomach pains etc don’t sound to good, I would really recommend going to see a doc for that as there could be damage inside (most likly not, but best to get it checked). Hope to hear morefrom you girl. xx SarahNovember 8, 2011 at 4:56 am #83432
Thanks so much! Youre absolutely right my binge eating is less intense than it used to be and I can make it longer between binges. I just worry so much about food and eating. sometimes i overthink it-and then all that focus leads to crazy binge eating. and i would go to my doctor im just scared to tell her! im 20 years old, i know i could just keep this between me and her. but im just not that comfortable with the idea. well see though. and im about 15 pounds heavier than i was a year ago. if i look at old pictures its shocking how freaking thin i was. i just need to accept the fact that my body needs to be bigger. and wants to naturally be no less than 125 pounds. i look like a healthy normal weight now and i just have to keep reminding myself that. and i wish my hair would stop shedding. its less than it used to be. it used to come out by the handful. but now its still shedding a tiny bit and i just want long thick hair again. i cut it into a bob. and i used to get it colored but now im trying to just let it naturally get healthy without all those chemicals. im starting to think it might just be stressed. im so worried and nervous all the time. about school and food. and working out. thanks for the support thoughNovember 8, 2011 at 7:32 pm #83433
Another reason some woman lose hair is due to PCOS, you should look it up on google and see if you have any of the other symptoms. I would say it is most likly due to stress though, I know heaps of people that have had hair loss due to stress and I was just looking at some fotos of me from awhile ago and my hair seemed to be alot thinner when I was at my worse over exercising phase. xx SarahNovember 19, 2011 at 7:08 am #83434
I have been reading some of the things that you have been writing and I can totally relate to your story. I am in college too and about a year ago I developed anorexia, I have been through all of the recovery treatments and now I am back at school getting my life on track. Even though my weight might be alittle low/ where it should be I still struggle with binges. This is not healthy for us, despite our weight because we are consuming so much in a little amount of time. Right now I really struggle with being addicted to sugar and cereal and honestly dont know how to overcome this.
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