How To Stop Eating

Tips to stop binge eating, stop overeating, stop emotional eating, stop eating fast food, stop eating junk food

Amy's Journal

This topic contains 283 replies, has 37 voices, and was last updated by  Amy 2 years, 9 months ago.

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  • #78301

    Amy
    Participant

    Day 13

    It’s Sunday morning, so I have had 12 days binge free. But really if I decide to count from when I joined this forum I had 15 days BF, then 1 bad day…. so overall this is 27 days BF with one binge slotted in for good measure! Sounds so much better like that – why was I even worried about that one stupid day?! :-)

    May – nice to hear from you again, ‘saving yourself’ is definitely setting yourself up for failure, and all it means is you don’t enjoy the food you restrict with, or the massive binge later, so this way is much better. My risotto was YUMMY – I was so impressed with myself, cooking with all that oily chorizo! And loads of parmesan cheese stirred in and then grated on top. It was so tasty, it made enough for 2 pretty big portions, I wasn’t measuring it out so I think I ended up eating just a little over half – felt pretty full and wondered if I’d eaten slightly more than I should, but decided that there is no need to worry, I made a nice dinner and I was going to enjoy eating it, there was no way I was having a small portion! The rest is safely tucked away in my fridge for another time :-) Also I realised that because I ate that properly, I didn’t feel like I wanted a massive cake or flapjack so was glad I hadn’t bought one earlier. I waited a bit and then had some more greek yoghurt with strawberries and honey – I think this is my new favourite thing :-) xx

    Jocelyn I LOVE breakfast food! It’s crazy because I never used to like breakfast as a child, my mum tried so many different things but I always remember feeling really sick trying to eat it. Now when I wake up I’m always super hungry! I remember being told you should eat breakfast because it sets off your metabolism, so I think eating a big breakfast is a good thing really. I am with you on the bagels – freezing is the way forward! I am freezing anything that is freezable now, I hate wasting food so if it’s nearing it’s sell by date I have to eat it straight away. Also thanks for saying my thoughts aren’t rambling – I know I have a tendency to write massively long posts so I was worried everyone will be getting sick of me! xx

    Scales update

    I am a complete failure on this, I have no will power… Actually that’s wrong, I have a lot of will power when I want something, I just genuinely WANT to get on the scales every morning so I must change this. I weighed myself again this morning. Still the exact same number it has been for the last few days, which I am happy with. I am feeling happier with my body I think. I really wanted to test if eating that massive risotto and all the other yummy food had had an effect, or to see if actually I can eat normally and not put on weight. I know this is dangerous because what if the number had gone up – I am trying to reason with myself to be happy if it does go up by a couple of pounds, and telling myself that actually of course that wouldn’t make me fat, and it wouldn’t matter. I think now I have proved that I have not gained weight I must make a conscious effort not to weigh myself. I might start with a small goal – maybe just 5 days, because then I won’t panic that I won’t be able to check it. Then HOPEFULLY by day 5, I’ll be starting to lose this need I have to check. I think it’s because I don’t have a very clear perception of myself, so sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look fat and disgusting, then other times I think I look ok, and then sometimes I even think I might actually be quite slim, so I need some objective number from the scales to reassure my crazy brain!

    Oh well the scales is my next big hurdle!!

    Love Amy xxxxxxx

    #78302

    Amy
    Participant

    Just a quick update: day 13 is officially binge free – I have made it through the weekend! Also I actually managed to half eat a snack today!! I am so amazed with myself… Ok I must admit it was an apple so hardly like leaving half a cake (I could only imagine such things!) but maybe I might manage to break my ‘every last morsel must be consumed’ habit very slowly!

    As for the scales, I still want to weigh myself tomorrow, but I will do my very best to resist!

    I have finally managed a short post :-)

    Hope everyone has had a great weekend xxxx

    #78303

    jocelyn
    Participant

    Woo hoo!! 13 days! You rock! Your risotto sounds delicious and I’m glad you enjoyed it! I think it’s good that you didn’t measure it all out either. If you’re comfortably full and satisfied at the end, then it doesn’t matter. Good ol’ intuitive eating :) So how come your scale is still out in the open? It’s too powerful of an object, IMO. I weighed myself a couple weeks ago (for the first time in a couple months) since I was finally ready to conquer bingeing and wanted to know where I was at. But not since, because I know I won’t be happy with the number until it’s at least 20 pounds lower. I am somewhat tempted, but not on a daily basis. Either way, I’m glad that the number on the scale didn’t mess with your emotions at all. Careful with it, maybe cut down to once a week if you can? Congrats about getting through the weekend successfully!

    -Jocelyn

    #78304

    Vness
    Participant

    Hey Amy!

    I’ve been reading through your journal, and it sounds like you’re doing great! I was really worried that I’d start gaining all kinds of weight when I started trying to follow intuitive eating, but my sweet cravings have actually gone way down since I started letting myself eat whatever I want. I think I eat less dessert now than I used to when I was always trying to restrict.

    Breakfast food is my favorite too :) Sometimes I make breakfast for lunch or dinner :)

    Don’t worry about long posts. This is YOUR journal. Write whatever you feel like writing!

    Congrats on the binge free weekend! I hope you have a great Monday :)

    xoxo,

    Vanessa

    #78305

    suzyt
    Participant

    Hey Amy, Day 13, woohoo! That’s a fantastic achievement, you should feel really proud of yourself :)

    Regarding the scales – yes thats a tough one. I used to weigh myself every day, but now I have cut it back to once a week. I know I shouldn’t get hung up on the numbers but honestly it drives me bonkers if I don’t know. We need to find a middle ground between obsessing about whether a risotto made us put on weight… or driving ourselves crazy because we need a bit of feedback every now and then.

    At the moment my scales live in the cupboard, but every Saturday I am allowed to weigh myself. I don’t think that’s too unhealthy.

    Anyway, I hope you find something that works for you. Your 5 day trick sounds like a good start. Congrats again on Day 13 :) xx

    #78306

    Amy
    Participant

    Hi everyone!

    Jocelyn, Suzy and Vanessa – thank-you so much for all your lovely encouragement! I really believe keeping this journal is like an anchor that is keeping me binge free, it seems to help so much to write out my thoughts and to hear comments from people that actually understand!! Thank-you for taking the time to read and respond xxxxx

    Day 14 – approaching the scary 15 that I made it to last time…!!!

    I didn’t weigh myself this morning, I wanted to, but I have decided I am not allowed until Thursday – that is a short enough goal for me so that I don’t panic I can’t check my weight ever again so I can tell myself to wait a few days. Suzy I like your idea of still weighing yourself once a week, I think that would work for me.

    The thing is I am actually fairly happy with my weight as it is right now, so getting on the scales does not upset me, if anything it gives me reassurance. I have an ‘ideal’ where I feel my thinnest that is only 2 pounds lighter than my current weight, but I don’t want to put any pressure on myself to be any lighter. I have weighed slightly less than that but I don’t think I am meant to be that slim (I am 5ft 4 and weigh 8 stone 2 but would like to be 8 stone – 112 pounds for the Americans!) But I also have to bear in mind that a lot of that is muscle from all the exercise – my thighs are pretty solid :-) My bmi scales that can measure body fat percentage tell me I’m 17.4, so logically I KNOW I don’t need to lose weight and I must be relatively toned, but my thinking has been so irrational for so long I don’t have a normal perception. How stupid that these random numbers have meant so much to my judgement of my self, I know if I was reading this I would think ‘you need to put those scales away and sort yourself out!’

    Feeling positive: :-) I actually feel pretty good about my body now I’ve not binged for a while so I’ve lost that binge weight and bloated feeling. I’ve always put a lot of pressure on myself to have a flat and perfectly toned stomach, and I realise that when I look in the mirror the first and only thing I focus on without fail is my stomach – after a binge I always stand and look at it sticking out in despair!! But actually (for once in my life) I think (and I don’t want to get carried away here) but I think I might be able to say it looks pretty good :-) Yes my body is not perfect, but my standards are so high that it never will be. There is no point striving for that, so I must just be happy with what I have, and what I have is certainly not bad. Actually I am feeling so much more confident in myself, I am wearing all my ‘thin’ clothes and at the gym I am even feeling much happier when I see myself in the mirror. I had a really enjoyable class today, I felt great about my body, I felt fit and athletic, and I was much less shy when talking to other people there. I don’t know if this is because of my reduced anxiety and my medication, or because I haven’t binged for so long, but all I know is I am finally feeling hopeful that rather than looking in the mirror and feeling self hatred/disgusted and so on, I might one day start to like what I see! Anyway that is MORE than enough self-indulgence in my obsessions about weight and scales for now….

    Food issues: I still think I’m doing well as today is day 14 binge free, however I can’t deny that I am still planning/obsessing about food and what I might eat for each meal, and I still have those urges to keep on eating when I know I don’t need to, but they seem to be under control. This morning I woke up really hungry so had a massive breakfast and felt pretty full, but I really had an urge to crack open the granola bars or go back for a bit more food before I left for work. Weekday mornings seem to be trickiest at the moment. I think this is probably the anxiety and apprehension of going to work. Sunday night and Monday mornings are always a hideous time for me!

    I am also struggling to decide what is an acceptable level of ‘full’ – if I eat til I don’t feel hungry anymore, I will probably feel hungry again within an hour or so, yet if I eat til I feel a bit bloated is that too far…? I ate quite a big dinner about an hour ago, yet now I feel as though I could be a bit hungry again… I’ve always had a big appetite but maybe I am misreading the signals.

    Well that is nearly all from me for one evening. I am hoping to try and get a decent nights sleep tonight, as although my anxiety seems so much better, strangely I have had a few very sleepless nights recently. I have this underlying restless feeling and I am not sure what is causing it. I just feel a bit uneasy about something but I am not sure why…!

    Night everyone, hope you all had a great Monday :-)

    Amy xxxxxxxx

    #78307

    Rebecca55
    Participant

    Hi Amy,

    I just stumbled upon your journal (to be honest, so far I’ve only read pages 1 and 6 but I hope to get time another day to read through the days in-between). It looks like you’ve had an amazing journey over the last several weeks. You should be so proud of what you’ve accomplished. I remember feeling horribly restless/uneasy when I was at weeks 2, 3, and 4… I wouldn’t focus too much on it as it’s probably a temporary thing. Maybe it’s a good sign, showing you that you’re getting out of your old comfort zone :-) Whatever it is, own it and allow yourself to feel it, and don’t try to numb those feelings with food. You are doing so well, and that day 15 mark from your last experience is just psychological — I’m confident you can surpass it!

    Hugs,

    Rebecca

    #78308

    may
    Participant

    Hi Amy! The full thing is tricky, I think. If I stop as soon as I don’t feel hungry, I end up getting dizzy with hunger later- not so good. I guess that the best thing to do is to try to eat as slowly as possible, so you don’t pass that full -> bloated threshold. Easier said than done, though! Do you ever get little hungry feelings right after you’ve eaten a lot? I hate them- so confusing. I guess it’s hormones or the stomach doing its work or something.

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a bit of a time with the anxiety, but I think it’s pretty darn awesome that you’re working your way through it without bingeing. Hooray for all of your progress and your lovely positive thoughts and feelings about yourself :). I just know that you’ll knock that scary day 15 straight out. Hit it out of the park! I don’t know where these sports metaphors are coming from, but they sound right!

    <3 may

    #78309

    Lauren
    Participant

    Hey Amy! Wow girl you are doing great! And proud of your staying off the scale for a few days…so what helped me is I decided to go with what one of my old dear friends on here termed the “Pants-O-Meter”..why obsess over a number that may fluctuate a tad bit and end up making your feel proud/happy or sad/failure so instead, just go by how your clothes fit! If they fit well, you know you are on track and not gaining weight and if they get a bit tight then you know you need to reign in your eating a bit! Believe me, the Pants-O-Meter is a much less weight focused way to track yourself and brings you way more out of dieting mode then you can imagine! But its awesome that you are feeling much better and more confident with yourself and your body..that is what being binge-free does for you! Hmm for me I eat until I’m moderately full and if I get hungry again 1-2 hours later, I just eat a snack and don’t stress about it! Keep up the great work! ~Lauren

    #78310

    Vness
    Participant

    Hey Amy! Way to stay of the scale. I don’t think they are helpful at all. I think Lauren’s pant-o-meter is great! A much safer way to judge.

    I hope you’re having a great day! Keep up the positive attitude :)

    #78311

    suzyt
    Participant

    Hiya Amy :) Is it Day 15 today for you, or.. dare I ask, day 16? :) I loved your thoughts on positivity, way to go! You are so right that we set very high standards for ourselves – and of course no-one knows our bodies like we do! So obviously we will see every tiny little thing that is “wrong” with it. I so hear you on the tummy front – mine is either bloated from binging, or swollen with vast volumes of veggies that I snack on throughout the day. I can’t win! But you are right, our perception of ourselves is what needs to change, rather than what we actually look like.

    The other thing I wanted to pick up on is when you talk about the ‘acceptable’ level of fullness.. If you eat until you are no longer hungry (as opposed to until you are full), meaning you will be hungry again in an hour – is that necessarily a bad thing? I’m not sure what your day is like, but maybe it’s ok for you to have several snacks throughout the day rather than fewer, bigger meals. It’s trial and error, you need to find what works for you.

    You’re doing great Amy! Looking forward to the next update :) xx

    #78312

    Carmilla
    Participant

    HI Amy!

    I agree with others that it’s best to stay off the scales! I recently made a resolution never to weigh myself again, because it just messes with my head. The pants-o-meter idea is a good one. You sound in great shape, so you don’t need to worry about the number on a scale.

    Also, try not to stand in front of the mirror worrying about your “imperfect” bits (which probably look enviably good to anybody else!). We’ve all done that, too, and it just leads to negative feelings.

    Hope you’ve had a good day, Amy, and have passed the “scary 15″. You’ve done so well – keep it going!

    Love

    Carmilla xx

    #78313

    Amy
    Participant

    Hi everyone! As always, thanks so much for all the lovely comments :-)

    Rebecca – thank-you for pointing out to me how far I have progressed, I didn’t really think I had but now I look back to when I joined this forum I can see that I am definitely getting better. I think you are right about getting out my comfort zone, I feel like these last few weeks I have not only changed my eating but changed my whole routine and I think that is a good thing, although this transition phase definietly makes me feel a bit uneasy – like I don’t know what to use as a comfort now I can’t binge, so in a way I am really happy not to binge, but then when I feel a bit down I can’t look forward to getting home and numbing the pain with food. It’s strange but in a way I looked forward to bingeing, even though it made me feel horrendous and I can see it had a damaging effect on my self esteem. I will have to find your journal and have a read :-) xxx

    May thanks for all the support – the sports metaphors are working for me! I am coping much better with the anxiety, it is still there but somehow I can deal with it now, I can see that it won’t be forever so it doesn’t feel so hopeless. The hunger signals are so confusing, I always seem to feel hungry by the time I go to bed, and if I ignore it I end up dreaming about food and waking up starving! I had got this idea that I can’t go back for extra food after my last meal and my ‘sweet treat’ because to me that seemed like excessive snacking or bingeing, but if I am genuinely not satisfied I think I should eat another snack before bed. xxx

    Lauren – the pants-o-meter sounds like a more sensible idea than the scales to me! I have stayed off them for the last few days, I was going to allow myself to get back on them tomorrow, but I might wait at least til Fri now and then see if I could leave it longer. I’m pretty sure I haven’t put any weight on and might even have lost it so I think it would be ok, but then if I feel ok maybe I shouldn’t ruin it with a number! Thanks for all your advice xxx

    Hi Vness! Great to hear from you again, thanks for the support, I’m still off the scales and feeling positive :-) xxx

    Hi suzy! Thanks for reading :-) I’ve been loving your 7 day BF challenge at the moment, do you have a journal too? I agree it is fine to get hungry and snack later, it’s more a problem for my evening meal because I don’t want to get hungry late at night or when I need to sleep, so I want to make sure I eat enough at night. I guess it’s just finding the balance! Thanks for all the lovely comments, and yes today is the dreaded day 16 – where I came unstuck before!!!

    Day 16

    So this is where I got to last time – the evening of day 16. I am NOT going to make the mistakes I made last time, although I was a bit worried because I skipped the gym tonight and that is what happened last time and often leads me to come home and eat lots of food! However today is different because I was actually feeling really happy and positive, the reason I missed my gym class (just a 45 min weights class – like body pump) is because I was doing boxing last night and the muscles in my back are pretty achey. I was going to go anyway, as I normally am very bad at recognising when I need to rest, but I realised that missing one tone class will make absolutely no difference, but going could result in me straining my back muscles so I made the very sensible decision to come home, eat, check in on here, then have an early night :-)

    Positive thoughts: I am absolutely LOVING my binge free body. The thing is I know that I don’t really look much different so it’s mostly psychological, and there are still many things I would like to change but I am finally recognising that actually, my stomach is toned and flat and I am in good shape – I even catch myself looking at it in the mirror and feeling really pleased! Now I haven’t binged for a while I’m not bloated, and I am happily wearing all my fitted tops and tight little waist belts and feeling great. I don’t ever want to have that big bloated feeling again.

    Self esteem: I have always had major body issues, I thought I was enourmous when I was at school but looking at pictures now I know I was pretty skinny. It’s annoying to know I spent all that time hating myself for something that wasn’t even a true perception. I have tried to talk to my mum about it before but she gets angry with me and just tells me not to be stupid, saying she would love a body like mine and then we end up arguing! To her I must sound really crazy and self-indulgent, but I have always had such a deep and genuine hatred and embarrassment about the way I look. I have often stood looking in the mirror and just cried and cried! I think that not bingeing is slowly going to help me correct this, and I’m trying to learn to love myself more. I’m hoping this will help stop me being so shy around guys I like – I always get this horrible feeling that they would be so repulsed by me fancying them that I get really shy, don’t speak to them and avoid all eye contact!! This probably just makes them think I am really unfriendly. I tend to run away from getting close to anyone out of fear, I have always been very independent and scared of being hurt.

    Eating: I think this is going pretty well, although like I have said before I still find the hunger thing a bit difficult but this is only in the evening and when I go to sleep. I realised I have this idea that I can eat my tea, then something sweet as a pudding, and then that is it, I am not allowed to go back for more because I shouldn’t need to and going back for another snack seems wrong or could be a binge. I think I should allow myself to go back for another snack if I need it, as a couple of times I have felt quite hungry in the night and been obsessing about waking up and getting breakfast, and this leads to me needing to eat a massive breakfast like pancakes AND porridge AND fruit :-) yum! So because of this, tonight I made lots of pasta to go with my bolognese and grated lots of cheese on top (mmmmm) – I actually found that I started to get a full feeling in my stomach and I didn’t like the idea of feeling uncomfortably full so I left some of my pasta! Yay for me!!! I didn’t want it, I didn’t want to feel really full and bloated, I LOVE not feeling bloated now so why would I sit there and eat all that food I don’t need?!! However I still had to have my ‘something sweet’ but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I think it’ll be a long time before I can just eat half of anything sweet, but I am pleased that I have actually left something savoury and not licked the plate clean as I always have done in the past.

    Today’s new challenges: I decided I am now strong enough to open one of the packets of dried fruit and nut mix that was in my cupboard. To be honest I had forgotten about it recently, but it is one of those things that although I don’t binge on it, I just pick and pick at it everytime I go in the kitchen and before I know it I’ve eaten a whole big packet in the space of 2 days and then I feel a bit guilty. But today I just knew I could open it, and I won’t need to keep on snacking on it. After my tea tonight I chopped up a bit more fresh mango, covered it in yoghurt, honey, then sprinkled some of the fruit and nut mix on top – it was really yummy, and it’s almost approaching granola which is one of my ‘scary’ foods that I daren’t risk yet!

    Staying binge free: I know that I can do this today, and I know I feel strong and don’t want to binge, but I am starting to feel the pressure mounting, like I am worried I will have no choice and ruin all my amazing progress with a binge. I don’t know why I feel like this will be beyond my control, but it really scares me. I work well with short term goals and numbers, so ‘staying binge free indefinitely’ is a bit scary to me. I have been keeping a piece of paper that I write the number of the day on and if it’s binge free, but now the numbers are getting higher it’s getting difficult! On the positive, I am not so aware what the number is until I look at the piece of paper, so maybe the numbers will just creep up and I won’t even realise.

    Right I have more than made up for not posting yesterday!!

    Hope everyone’s had a great day,

    Lots of love and hugs, keep up all the great bf work and positive thoughts everyone :-) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    #78314

    Amy
    Participant

    Hey Carmilla – you must have posted while I was writing that MAMMOTH post above!! Hope you’re doing ok and have worked out what is best for you with the job – I must get back to your journal and see how you’re doing! :-) And thanks for your comments and advice, it makes so much sense to stay off the scales, and no more looking at the horrible bits in the mirror, that is certainly not going to help anybody! xxxxxx

    #78315

    Lauren
    Participant

    Hey Amy! Girl I think that is awesome you listened to your body and didn’t go to that weight class when your muscles were sore from yesterday…you should always gives muscles a day off in between workouts so they can repair and rebuild! No guilt with that..I was going to go to a weights class tonight but I took TRX yesterday and I’m so sore I realized that my muscles need to recover today! That is awesome that you are seeing how great your body really is and know that when you feel “fat” its more from bloating from binges, not that you are actually fat in any way! Great job continuing to remind yourself that a night snack when you are hungry is not only ok but a good idea to stave off the binge monster! Girl don’t let that pressure mount about bingeing because the honest truth is that 100% of us binge again during recovery…this isn’t about being perfect and never falling off the wagon..its about getting your life back and leading a 95% normal life! Even if you do binge it is just a learning lesson and it never discounts all the progress that you’ve made and everything you’ve learned…you just get right back on the recovery wagon and not the dieting wagon! So no pressure sweetie! You’ve got this even if its not a perfect journey! Hugs, L

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