yeah ive done it again, nothing new . I managed to eat a normal breakfast of fruit and a granola bar, and I came home early due to a cancelled lesson and ended up indulging myself again. I don’t think it was as bad as yesterday’s binge, probably around 4’000 cals, even though I know this is not enough to gain weight, it doesn’t stop me from feeling so disgusting, bloated and fat!!! one thing that really confuses me is why I continue to self-medicate myself with food when I’m feeling low/stressed when I know the outcome will always lead to me feeling this way, I would have thought the awful feelings we get after a binge is over would discourage a repeat of this behaviour but clearly that isn’t the case , I know I am not fat at 109 Lbs and 5’3 but Im beginning to think my problems and unhealthy relationship with food go far beyond weight and trying to control my weight , I havent purged for a while now, I haven’t gained weight really but I’m so worried that this slippery slope back into constant binges will lead me to want to purge the food. I’m so thankful to this forum for allowing me to vent and for the support of its members, I hope together we can all beat these vile eating disorders that are controlling our lives.
hey beth! sorry to hear about the binge unfortunately all the logic in the world can’t reason with the damn binge urge!! it is your survival instinct that is working when the binge urge strikes which is why it is so compelling and feels uncontrollable. the more often you give in to it, the more the habit is reinforced. this is what i learned from the ‘brain over binge’ book. your brain has an upper and a lower part: lower brain is the binge urge, and upper brain is the logical bit. the thing we have to grasp is that the upper brain is *in charge*, and has the power to stop those seemingly overwhelming lower brain urges. but you need to talk to lower brain in a language it understands… i’m probably not making sense! but just wanted you to know you are not insane; there is an explanation for all this stuff xxx