Hi there. I have a binge eating problem. I have had it for nearly four years. I’m 18. I had a very dysfunctional adolescence (emotional and psychological abuse… I came out to my mom about thinking my dad molested me and she denied it and got mad at ME. Now I dont know what to think anymore. I feel as though I’m not real half the time. The only time I feel “alive” is when it is late at night and I am finally by myself and I can watch TV and eat without judgment).
Now, I don’t want to sound callous, but if any obese people on here have a problem seeing that binge eating does exist for skinnier people too, GTFO. I’m generalizing, but I had to put it out there because whenever I seek support, fatter women have always shot me down and dismissed my problems as nonsense. I actually think the binge eating started earlier than 4 years ago when I would try to gain weight because every day I would be taunted and called anorexic by my classmates (if you think its worse to be fat, it isn’t. It boils down to the status quo). I still feel guilty for wanting to lose weight because everyone in my “support system” (I use the term loosely) is fatter than me. But most girls my age have way nicer bodies.
This is going to sound really pathetic, but everyone in my life views me as a pathetic loser. I have no allies. Over the course of 4 years, I lost all of my friends, was practically imprisoned and emotionally tortured by my parents, neighbors spread vicious rumors about me, studied abroad for a few months and was ostracized and bullied by my coordinator and literally the entire village (if you go on google maps and see how everyone stares at the Google Street View cam, that is how everyone stared at me), and my school credits fell so far behind that by the time I caught up to grade level, it was too late to take the SAT (no college).
I have managed to somewhat crawl out of my depression, but I don’t know where to go next. I have spent this school year studying abroad (one of the worst experiences of my life) and am now staying with an aunt who lives in a different country. I return home in 10 days.
What drives my binges:
Guilt (there have been stages in my life where I had to eat just to please others)
Leftover pizza (usually just the topping and fluffy part)
I want to stop bingeing so I can have the body I deserve and finally clear my skin.
Very Lost..you’ll be happy to know that we have many 18 year olds posting on this website that share your story. Look for “Journals” and you’ll be able to connect with them.
Your history hasn’t been the best of times for you. Can you expect any changes when you get back home? Is there anyway that you can gain control over your life?
I get the fact that people are NOT sympathetic about your needing to lose a few pounds when theirs may be many. That happened to me too. In my mind, my few pounds of weight loss was just as important as their many.
The common denominator here is weight loss, dieting, forbidden foods, and exercising with the end result of binging. You’ve found a HOME so keep coming back. Wishing you a loving and sane day.