hi kirsten, i used to weigh 47kg, then i got fed up at always thinking 'this dress would look perfect on me if only my arms were slimmer/more toned' and so on, so i was determined to lose all that weight. i got to 38kg, and my friends started commenting i was 'bony' which was definitely not what i wanted. i wanted a lean body with good muscle tone. so i decided to go easy on food and it got overboard. i got up to 50kg(!!!) and was so upset with myself. that happened in around 4-5 months. it was a nightmare and i'm in first year in university and studying for the final exams with binging was crazy. i tried to stop but i just couldn't. so i thought, maybe it's just the exams.
but it wasn't. when the exams were over, i binged more than ever. it wasn't celebratory or anything, just plain eating numbly. i wasn't stressed anymore but i kept going.
i would advise you to really, really try different things to find out what the trigger is. 1) it's a habit 2)there's a trigger. these are the 2 things. based on my personal experience only, of course. for me, 2)my trigger was being out of control. i hated the way i studied without a plan. and when i made a plan which i couldn't follow, i got stressed out. after the exams, i played computer games, watched tv, and never had a plan. i discovered that i was happy at that instant i played games (and binged, haha), but at the end of the day, i wondered about what i was doing with my life. i wanted to be more accomplished and have a proper plan which i'm happy about each day.
i bought a journal and outlined everything. i set a realistic goal weight for myself and also a realistic plan to get there. e.g. even though i had loads of time after my exams and could work out for hours, if i wanted to reach my goal weight quickly but not over-stress myself, i would work out for an hour, take a break, do other things, then work out for another hour at night. working out say,3 hours at one go was plain unrealistic. i used to plan my days that way and couldn't make it, of course. then i got upset with myself, and binged. looking back, duhhh i was just leading myself to a binge!
so i think if you really figure out your trigger, you'll realise that hey, you are leading yourself to that binge.
the other thing which i mentioned, which is binging out of habit, is equally true. don't be too hard on yourself and slowly lessen your binges. you may overeat a little but do that in moderation. soon you'll be able to cut down on overeating and you'll realise that you don't need much food for each meal to begin with.
i'm now 42kg and so much happier with myself. i can't even SEE myself binging on all those foods i used to binge on. it's useless to me now. the craving isn't even there. i hope that gives you some motivation! it takes time, but be patient with yourself when changing your unhealthy eating habits. (try changing, not cutting out. replace it with an activity right after your meal, for instance. i found it to be easier that way.) then also take time to identify your trigger. journal your thoughts as you make your progres each day. good luck!!!
