http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ Support to stop binge eating, stop emotional eating, and stop overeating. en Fri, 12 Mar 2010 03:31:19 +0000 http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/sophies-journal#post-63466 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 13:43:58 +0000 sophesxo14 63466@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>hi! im sophie(: well- two years ago i was overweight from BED and unhappy with my body. so i began to restrict which led to serious problems including (painful to admit!) anorexia): i had to gain back weight and got to a perfect weight. towards the end of my recovery i began having binges once again. now i am just working on eating to maintain my weight! of course sometimes, i still feel uncomfortable in my body but i know that will always be something to worry about. emotional eating is still a problem for me and i have only been binge free for a week but i know that i can beat this and i really look forward to talking to you all and getting to know you! lots of love, sophie(: </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/sarahs-binge-eating-journal-begins-2010#post-54950 Mon, 25 Jan 2010 02:30:08 +0000 Sez 54950@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey Guys,<br /> I'm new here and I have just been reading some of your blogs and journals.<br /> I was really impressed with how some of you guys have now been months without binging and it has inspired me to start a journal of my own.</p> <p>My name is Sarah and I have been regularly binge eating for about 2 years now. It started after I lost a significant amount of weight on a crash diet when my parents went overseas. I was working full time and taking care of a messy younger brother and also keeping up a mammoth running/gym regime (about 30miles a week + walking everyday, weights and other gym exercises).Anyway I kept my weight loss up for about a year while I lived away from home and then as soon as I moved back I gained 15 pounds in 3 months <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> I have always been on a diet or hard core exercise program but, as most of you guys know, when you binge diets don't really help you at all, they really just seem to make things worse no matter how good the intentions...</p> <p>So here I am its a Monday evening and I am starting fresh today. Not starting fresh on a strict diet, not on a grueling exercise regime but just hoping that I can develop a healthy attitude towards food and leave all this binging behind. (maybe lose a few pounds along the way :P) </p> <p>One day so far binge free...<br /> B- 3 weetbix with milk and sugar<br /> L- Peanut butter &amp; banana on toast + an orange<br /> S- 1 slice of bread w/ peanut butter + fruit bar<br /> D- Chicken enchilada w/ salad &amp; fries<br /> S- Small bowl of ice cream</p> <p>Wish me luck people... As I wish you all luck too!!</p> <p>Cheers<br /> Sarah </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/amandas-back-journal#post-49987 Sat, 19 Dec 2009 19:47:00 +0000 amanda918 49987@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello all! I'm back... not sure why I left, but sometimes I get so caught up with everything going on that I find it's easier to ignore my problems by not writing on here. Lately, I've been binging, not an awful amount, but not binge free like I would like. I'm becoming more accepting of my changed body, but still want and need to loose weight to fit into my jeans and look better in my clothes. I think that most of my recent binging is coming from the constant need to readjust from going to school and home. Lately, because of exams and long breaks in between, I've been back and forth a lot at school. My pattern is usually to binge right before I go back to school and then get back on track, but then I binge again right before I come home but then once I'm home I get back on track again. I'm not quite sure why this has been happening in that pattern lately but am interested to find out. I've been doing some investigating in the counseling area, but I'd rather not get involved with one because that would require me telling my parents and I don't want them to worry. They know about my general "food issues" but not the specifics of my disorders. I do group therapy up at school so I might just stick with that. Anyway, I'm going to try and journal at least once a day about whatever I want. I'm not trying to be binge free for a certain amount of days, or journal all my food, or count a specific amount of calories. Those things seem to always set me up for failure and feelings of guilt. RIght now, the most important thing for me is to work on me. I need to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life and this disorder can't be a part of it. Well, feels good to get all that out! Anyway, how is everyone else doing? Glad to see some of my girliesss are still here going strong!! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/need-some-encouragement#post-63570 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:09:22 +0000 katric 63570@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey everyone. I don't write on here too often, but I do read people's posts on the forum regularly.<br /> Anyways, a little bit about my situation. For the first time in over a year, I've managed to go well over a month without binging - until yesterday. It was quite a big binge, and now I am really scared. I mean, I thought this chapter in my life was over. Clearly it's not. During the past month, I didn't even have any urge to binge, but yesterday it hit me.<br /> I feel so lost right now. I was feeling so good about my self, and yesterday has completely ruined it. Why did I fall so hard after going so long without slipping?<br /> Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you cope?<br /> I feel like such a failure. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/new-here-hope-this-will-help-me#post-58516 Wed, 10 Feb 2010 15:55:57 +0000 Meesh 58516@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello<br /> I am reading briefly the posts here and I am glad I am not alone. I envy those people who just eat and it is just an ordinary part of their day whereas food takes over my whole life - yet it is such a simple thing. </p> <p>I have been eating bad for a few days non-stop. I hate it.<br /> Yesterday I was home and it was not good. I started the day saying ot myself that I will be good but once I start eating I feel like I'm in a trance and I can't stop. I say Ok a little more , a little more then I get to a point that it's beyond repair and I just keep having more because I feel like I have already failed/ruined the day of healthy eating.</p> <p>IT's taken over my life and I hate it. Why can't I be normal??? </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/hils-journal#post-62983 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:41:49 +0000 Hil87 62983@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>After reading the different things that everyone writes on here and how supportive everyone is I decided I need to join. I feel embarrassed by my BED, which is why I obviously hide it. I know that I have it, but I feel like writing and actually posting on it will make me really face it and truly get back to the way I used to be. I think what embarrasses me even more is the fact that I have my BS in nutrition and I am currently working for my MS in it too, not to mention that I’m planning to become a Registered Dietitian. So I know what binging will do to me, I know how to eat healthy, I know how to eat intuitively, etc. Despite all of these things “I know” how to do, I can’t seem to do it these past few months. What I hates is that I’m suppose to be helping people one day and I can’t even seem to help myself, which is not what I want at all. </p> <p>I’m getting tired of feeling out of control and the inner battle going on with food and me, so I’m ready to start helping myself. </p> <p>In my next post I’ll write about what I think brought on my BED and I’m hoping writing it will help me deal with the emotions associated with all of it. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/joyces-journal#post-42607 Tue, 13 Oct 2009 23:47:06 +0000 Joyce 42607@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>It feels so horrible having to tell that you binged two days out of the last three. I just don't understand why I can't stop when I want to so badly. I don't even know what triggered the binges. I am so angry at myself and embarrassed too! I really didn't want to post anything tonight but I knew that I had to. This is my last chance for help. I don't want to give up the fight and let the binges take over. I'll continue to make my entries in this journal and confess my weaknesses, and maybe I'll be able to share some victories too. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/halies-journal#post-63900 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:56:25 +0000 hal1601 63900@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi! My name is Halie and this is my first time ever telling someone about my eating habits. I've finally reached by tipping point and I know I need help and need to change. I have been overeating for about 2 years now, but over the past few months, it's gotten so much worse. I have also been on a "diet" for the past few years. After every time I binge, I promise myself that the next day, week, and month will be better, but after a day or two, that promise gets broken. I feel totally hopeless right now and don't know what I can do to stop this. I've gained 15 pounds over the past several months and have been trying so hard to break my habits so that I can lose that weight. I really want this to stop because I always feel so terrible after I binge and so upset with myself. I'm going to start posting what I eat tomorrow, hopefully that will help! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/emis-journal#post-63374 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 02:05:13 +0000 stopthemadness 63374@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello all!<br /> I have decided to start my official journal :]. A little background information. I am in college right now. About a year ago I developed anxiety disorder due to a traumatic event and since then I have gained a bit of weight because of my binging. I never used to have this problem. I used to eat like a normal person did, and never even counted a single calorie. Nowadays, I have become obsessed with calorie counting.. and since I have been trying to lose the weight I gained by restricting how much food I eat, I have started a cycle of binging on the weekends.. oh also mostly when I am at work. I work at a catering place/restaurant. I am a hostess on the weekdays and catering server on weekends. We often have weddings and my binging is so bad.. I often stuff myself in the server station with bread and the same food we served to guests of the wedding such as Hors d'oeuvres and entrees. They often have leftover cake and I am always in the back binging on blocks of leftover cake. I am so ashamed -_-. I am really trying to stop this binging.. and already I have improved by learning when my tummy is full .. sometimes it's just really hard for me to stop eating though and I can't control it. Like last night.. I totally binged 3000 + calories.. fueled by anxiety :[. I don't want this to control my life and I want to overcome this and enjoy life, stop being anxious about eating out with friends, and stop hating myself for binging. I know it will take time and I am very very determined. I am so glad I found this site and am happy knowing I have support here from people who know how I feel. Well here is my first journal entry.</p> <p><strong>3/08/10</strong><br /> Today I woke up feeling ever so guilty with a bloated stomach because of my massive binge last night that consisted of bowls of special k, pb n j sandwiches, protein bars, yogurt, mac n cheese, cheese quesadilla, etc. This was after I had gone 7 days without binging.. one of my longest recently.. so I am proud of myself for that. In the morning I finished the rest of the mac n cheese and ate some oatmeal cookies. I admit I was kind of still in binge mode.. but I didn't let myself get painfully stuffed. I went to class and came back and ate some cadbury irish cream filled milk chocolate squares. I went to the gym.. For dinner, in an attempt to overcome social anxiety, I went out to eat with my friends at a seafood restaurant.. and ate shrimp and fries. Not the healthiest I know.. I probably consumed a lot of food today but at least I am not binging and tomorrow will be a new day and I will be focused focused focused not to binge every day. I am very glad I went to dinner though with my coworkers/friends. I had a lot of fun talking with them and eating. At this restaurant you eat the seafood with your hands and you wear a bib so that was funn haha.. Even though now I smell like garlic shrimp and my burps are ewwww. I'm happy I had a good time. I really really want to lose weight because summer is coming, but I know obsessing over it won't make that happen. I know I probably shouldn't think that I should just think about learning to deal with my emotions by not binging.. and the losing weight part will come naturally.. :[ sometimes I just stand in front of the mirror eyeing all the negatives thing about my body and that really just makes me feel even worse about my body. Sometimes I step on the scale multiple times just to see if the # changes, and of course it won't. Blah I will try not to think negatively from now on and I hope I can look back at this when I am cured of binge eating. I will continue to post here everyday. Sorry today is so boring! I am going to watch food network now and go to sleep :]</p> <p>-Emi </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/rage-wants-peace-journal#post-53302 Thu, 14 Jan 2010 13:28:12 +0000 Rage 53302@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>... so I'm starting it.<br /> Right now, after work, a normal day, I'd probably be oscillating between the remote and whatever is in the kitchen. When I don't binge, I overeat during my meals and then eat anything in between, like a binge spread across the whole day.<br /> And either I think I hate it all (everybody, everything in my life) or I think: "Why bother?".<br /> I know I have to start feeling rather than thinking. But my brain works so much better than my heart, for everything but food.<br /> All my rage I keep inside. Don't get me wrong: I have a big mouth and I say comfortably to people if and when they p*ss me off. But what I don't cope with is the quantity, and the repetitivity. Too much work, too many family worries, and always the same.<br /> I just have to expect less of myself. Recently I realised how caring and understanding I can be with the people I really love. Why can't I treat myself the same? I always have to do this, that and the other, and I can't, and I don't want to sometimes. But if I don't, then I get bored and anxious of not doing it, so I binge.<br /> Right now then the difference to a normal day is that I've discovered this forum. I wish I had known before there were so many of you I could talk to, who would eunderstand and care. Maybe talking about it is not only the "distraction" I'd been looking for but also the 1st step to recovery?<br /> I need to be accountable of what I eat and why. And feeling we're together in it is already a great help.<br /> I'm gonna give it a shot with a basic plan: 3 meals a day at regular intervals with snacks in between. The danger is to not limit the types of food... and the freedom is to start enjoying food, chewing slowly, bla di bla you know it all!<br /> So far so good (day 1 only!):<br /> 6.45: a bowl of muesly, milk, orange juice - hell so good not to weigh or measure!<br /> 9.30: 2 toasts, some jam, 1 apple<br /> 12.30: 1 medium veggie pizza, 1 yogurt - I had a meeting that was going on and on and I was scared I wouldn't have food early enough, but I managed to not gulp it all down<br /> 5: 1 seeded bread roll, 30g cheese - again got scared that it wouldn't come early enough and took the risk to go shopping on an empty stomach (empty fridge, what do you do?) but it was OK, enjoyed every bite like mad!<br /> I even bought dinner, meat with noodles. This is scary: my dinners have been just soup or some junk, so not sure about having a "normal person" dinner... Especially some food I really fancy!<br /> I thought I would give up smoking today but that's a lot to tackle at the same time, and what would be left to handle stress? Has any of you stopped smoking? How did you manage? And of course, the killer question: did you put on weight?<br /> I want to go back to the gym too. Right now I feel still poorly (bad bad flu!), I'll aim for it next week. Delaying it is another stress, but I'm trying to be gentle on myself for once.<br /> Please tell me if this sounds all very silly... </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/paleo#post-63177 Sun, 07 Mar 2010 22:56:16 +0000 PALEO a go go 63177@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I have started the paleo lifestyle about 2 months ago and love it! It's a diet consisting of paleolithic foods (caveman era) like meat, fish, veggies, fruits, and nuts. I did awesome the first month and felt I would never stop. Within the past couple of weeks I had slipped up and ate some flour(in cookies of course). Now I crave grains all over again and its harder for me to have the motivation i had in the first month. I beat myself up over the two pieces of bread I ate and then eat a tortilla and cheese. When I get stressed I also eat far more than I need. Its so hard once you've started eating to stop. I feel hopeless as I have just been doing so well. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/louises-journal-1#post-50192 Mon, 21 Dec 2009 13:23:54 +0000 Louise 50192@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>So, here we go, after being inspired by Lauren... Had a great day today, no binges, feeling strong and determined.... wrote on this site, did dinner and BAM ! BINGE !! I don't know what happened ?????<br /> Start a fresh straight away... spent ages reading lauren's journal, which has totally inspired me and reminded me of the life and freedom that one can have without this noose around my neck... I might not write everyday as leaving for the airport shortly to go home to England for Christmas, so my time won't be my own as usual..<br /> I think I have always eaten more than I should. I always eat the whole plate rather than stop when full. I guess I just LOVE to eat ! I now realise that I have binged many times before without being aware of it, as it was so infrequent that I thought of it as just pigging out. I moved out to The Middle east in April with my husband. Gave up a life that I loved, my job, my family and friends. I became so homesick and depressed, and so turned to food for comfort and to ease boredom. I became a bored housewife in the middle east... How did that happen ??!!<br /> Despite making friends with a great group of fellow expat girls, i have continued to binge, now more and more and more !! The weight gain in the last 2 montsh alone is worrying me like mad !! I started a new job coming up to 3 months ago. I thought I would be so busy and not think about food, the weight would fall off... the suit I wore for my interview i can't even get on !!!!! So that theory didn't work. I think the penny really dropped when there was birthday cake at work, a HUGE cake... when everyone gathered and had a piece, I declined trying to be good, but then later, when no one was looking found myself literally eating it from the fridge!!!! Stuffing it down....barely tasting it ! Depressing !! So, this is kinda where i am at right now... I have binged everyday for the past week...i feel gross. <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":-(" class="bb_smilies" /> <br /> I am doing the 3 week no binge with Polly <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> Going to try anyway.<br /> Right, finished work... all packed, waiting to go to the airport.. I think we all need extra luck and support with Chritsmas treats all around us !<br /> Soooooooo glad I have found this site ! Will try to write everyday and log my food and feelings ....</p> <p>I can't wait to see my mum <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/laurens-journal#post-42185 Sun, 04 Oct 2009 13:19:45 +0000 Lauren 42185@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I've decided to start a journal because I feel that coming on here and talking about the issues I face each day are helping me overcome this ED.</p> <p>Today is my 9th day binge free and I feel really good! I am really trying to do this whole intuitive eating thing and trying not to think about weight loss by avoiding counting calories or stepping on a scale. Now I do admit I tried on a couple pairs of pants last night to see if they were looser and I have occasionally caught myself at the end of the day trying to figure out around how many calories a day I've had but I say progress is progress. The fact that I am eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full IS progress! The fact that I have NO forbidden foods right now is progress. And the fact that I am making social plans instead of isolating myself all the time is progress. So even though each day is a challenge I feel like I am heading in the right direction for the first time in a long time. </p> <p>Yesterday I met a friend at a cafe/bakery and it was the first plans with a friend I have made in months. I had a really nice time hanging out with her and really it didn't cause near the amount of anxiety that I thought it would. I had about 1/3 of a vegan chocolate peanut butter bar and felt satisfied and not tempted to binge at all so thats great! I don't know why most of the time I would prefer to be alone watching movies, TV or reading then hanging out with people but hopefully during this process I can relearn how to enjoy being with other people. Who would have thought that this antisocial girl was once on homecoming court in high school lol. I guess thats actually a good thing because if I think back to the completely different social girl I was 8 years ago that means that I can be completely different than how I am now 5 years from now. That means I don't have to be a binge eater forever! Its just going to take a little work...</p> <p>I was suppose to work today but they put me on-call so I think I am going to go get a Soy Latte from Starbucks and enjoy the rest of this Sunday.</p> <p>I look forward to eating what I want, when I'm hungry, and having a healthy relationship with food! I wish everyone luck in their journey and hope we all keep progressing to a life uncontrolled by BED! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/julias-journal#post-54915 Sun, 24 Jan 2010 22:45:48 +0000 Julia 54915@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I just want to start by thanking those people who responded to my first post, it's definitely reassuring to know that there are people all over the world going through the same issues and who are willing to give help and support. </p> <p>Soooo I went back to school today after a month long break of doing absolutely nothing and I am so happy!! It feels really good to be around so many people again and I'm excited to start classes again. Already I'm feeling more stimulated and motivated to do things instead of being alone, watching tv and bingeing.</p> <p>This morning before I left I wasn't hungry but ended up having bread with a lot of peanut butter, but I realized I was feeling kind of anxious and nervous about going back to school so I managed to stop myself before going too far. And I wasn't that hungry for dinner so I had a salad with some beans and corn mixed into it. The good thing about college is that I'm usually not eating alone, and that's when I tend to binge. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/cookiemonsters-journal#post-51984 Wed, 06 Jan 2010 10:48:59 +0000 cookiemonster 51984@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>So its been 3 days I havent binged and I just wanted to write down what I observed in those 3 days. I decided I was going to allow myself to eat whatever I want. </p> <p>So on the first day I was being lazy all day at my boyfriends house, eating and watching movies. I had a big sushi craving so thats what I had. Then my bf was eating ice cream and usually I would just partake without thinking. I had one portion though before realising I didnt truly want it and it didnt taste that good so I stopped and made a mental note of that. In the evening we ordered a club sandwich with fries and a salad to share. After eating a few fries I noticed they were cold so I stopped eating them since they were not even worth it. Mini victory ! Finally, we were in the mood for sweets again so I had 2 mini brownies out of the 4 pack one ( my bf didnt take none ) and a piece of chocolate out of a huge tablet. This is a big deal because usually I wouldve ate the chocolate till I finished the tablet and felt sick and I wouldve finished the brownies too. Those things stayed in the fridge and I knew they were there and did not go back for more !! I overdid it with sweets but I am proud I did not binge on them. </p> <p>On the second day I started with a healthy breakfast and a really light lunch because that is what I was in the mood for ( I love eating healthy so it wasnt an attempt at restricting) In the afternoon I realised I was feeling faint from probably not eating enough so I had a mini meal instead of a snack. It satisfied me but as I went to bring back my plate in the kitchen I felt the binge urge. At this point I was making chocolate milk and putting bread in the toaster when I realised I was very full from what I just ate and it wouldnt even taste that good. So....I drank the chocolate milk and threw away the 2 slices of bread! mini victory! I exercised and had a healthy dinner. About 45 min after dinner I kept thinking about Subway cookies ( hence the username lol i LOVE cookies). There is a Subway right down my house so I went and got 2 cookies. When I got upstairs I realised the guy made a mistake on one of the flavors. I still ate them thoughtfully and enjoyed them and felt satisfied. I didnt use the other flavor as an excuse to go back and get more in order to get that taste too. Other mini victory ! </p> <p>On the third day, I had a healthy breakfast, healthy snack, I was craving a burger for lunch so I had just one on whole wheat bread with no cheese or mayo. I fought the urge to eat chocolate after lunch and just kept myself busy till I exercised and had fruit and yogurt after as a snack. In the evening, we went out for thai food and I ate just half of my dish. I made a mental note to eat slower next time because I was a bit too full and I honestly think I couldve been satisfied with less. No sweets on that day which is a big victory since I have a HUGE sweet tooth. </p> <p>So my thoughts on the last 3 days is that I overate but overeating is better than bingeing. I am re learning how to eat. I allready wanted sweets less on the third day after allowing myself to have some on the days before. And I am happy to say I wanted to test myself with those desserts because they are my typical binge foods and I did not binge on them. I did feel a twinge of guilt but I quickly replaced those thoughts by reminding myself that I am working towards being an intuitive eater. </p> <p>So I will keep rambling on here and observing my eating patterns WITHOUT GUILT OR JUDGEMENT. I know the only way to solve my weight/body image issues is to tackle them from the inside not go on a diet. That is the path to a long lasting change. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/stephanies-journal-part-deux#post-63320 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 20:05:30 +0000 excrisis 63320@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>First, thank you to ALL the amazing loving comments and posts from my first journal. You all are honestly the only support I have for this thing. You are irreplaceable.</p> <p>So I am starting a new journal, as I feel like I am starting a new phase of my recovery. One where I need to be completely honest with myself regarding my real reason for recovery, which is health and a normal relationship with food, NOT weight loss and putting off life until I get ‘thin’, or thinking I will be happy when I am ‘thin’ etc. I need to focus on my life, what makes me happy and what doesn’t, and healthy strategies for coping with all those problems and difficulties that come along with daily living.</p> <p>I know that I am the only one who can change things for myself. No one else is going to make me binge, or stop me from binging except for myself. Binging does not solve any problems, but only makes them worse. Binging perpetuates the cycle, causing more binging, reinforcing negative coping mechanisms, negative thoughts, and the cycle continues. </p> <p>What do I get from binging? Very, very, fleeting numbness, a time waster, a distraction, and a way to self punish. Binging causes me: weight gain, unhealthy habits, food obsessions, weight/body obsession, negative body image and self esteem, suicidal thoughts and self injury, physical sickness (for me stomach ache, nose bleeds, constipation, intestinal distress, bloating, gas), stealing food and wasting money, isolation and avoidance, poor hygiene, procrastination, and hypersomnia.</p> <p>What triggers me? Weighing myself, comparing myself to others physically, stress, anxiety, trying on too tight clothes, letting myself calculate numbers of any kind (weight, calories eaten, calories burned), feelings of desperations. But recently, basically anything related to weight loss is my biggest trigger, I have been successful in the past in dealing with stressful situations without binging, but once I get in that cycle I use it for everything, but when out of the cycle it seems to kick back up mainly when some form of weight/weighing/clothes trying on, or self judgment about my body occurs. </p> <p>I weigh myself and regardless of the outcome (gain or loss) it triggers me, my perfectionism makes me want more weight loss, thinking ‘oh I could have exercised more, or eaten less and I would have lost a more appropriate amount etc etc’. I am never pleased, and this just leads me to dissatisfaction and the b&amp;w thinking overcomes me and says ‘well fuck it you might as well binge’.</p> <p>I spent almost the entire past week sleeping as much as possible, only leaving my bed to pee or go get more food, laid around doing nothing but thinking about suicide and my waste of life and just generally feeling shitty and bad about myself. I AM NOT THIS PERSON. Why did I let this backslide happen? I weighed myself, despite losing weight got stuck in that b&amp;w mentaility. Am upset about my life, school, and my defense being in 2 weeks, and I used binging as an escape, for feeling overwhelmed with school and life. But alas, it didn’t help me any, but pushed me back mentally. </p> <p>I have reassure myself that I am a good person, that an action I take does not define me as a person, and the only person whose opinion of me matters, is my own. And if people don’t like me because of my body, then they are not a person I need in my life, and if people who are already in my life and decide they change their feelings towards me because of my new bigger body, then again, I do not need them in my life. The only person we have to live with is ourselves, and I can no longer hate that person, or feel bad about my body and damage myself both mentally and physically with the binging, I have completely isolated myself and torn up some potential friendships, and I can not live this way anymore.</p> <p>Over the past 3 months, I have made huge progress and I just need to remember all that I have accomplished and move on. A bit of a relapse is nothing, it just shows me how awful that place is and how I do not want to ever go back there and how fragile I still am, how easy it can be to fall back, and how hard I have to work at this!</p> <p>People have always told me how much they envy my will power, and since this thing started I don’t feel like that person at all, but I still am that person, I no longer subscribe to BED, I am done with being a self fulfilling prophecy and acting the part because I let BED define me, it DOES NOT define me, I define myself. I am a smart person who loves science, and evolutionary biology, and science education, I am a person who cares about other people unconditionally, who tries to live sustainably, who bikes and recycles and composts, who wants to grow her own food, and live a happy life, who goes back to her once daily yoga and meditation practices, I will be a person who loves herself, and is content with life.</p> <p>I have finally made it over a day without binging. I am done with this thing, I am moving on, and I will continue to make progress and live my life, as I want it to be, not what I am waiting for it to be. Weight loss is not my focus, a healthy normal relationship with food, my body, and building healthy coping strategies is my goal. I need to learn to love myself, unconditionally and drop all the rest. Weight is not what is important in life.</p> <p>Sorry so damn long. I love you all, and I will catch up on journals soon. It is going to be a rough few weeks, with trying to get my eating in control, and my defense coming up in less then 2 weeks! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/lorenas-journal#post-43516 Mon, 26 Oct 2009 03:47:16 +0000 Lorena 43516@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello everyone,</p> <p>I have decided to start my own journal as I am begiining a fresh. I went 12 days binge free but on Saturday I binged and although I did not feel guilty at the time I do now and it's Monday! Silly really as I ate well yesterday and got in an extra run just to make up for the binge but it just goes to show if I binge I really really regret it and not just for a few hours but for days. </p> <p>I want to never binge again so I'm here to begin this.</p> <p>Ok so Sunday the 25th October just passed and I ate - </p> <p>B - Small apple and a weight watcher yogurt<br /> S - Pear<br /> L - Tuna, lettuce, 4 x rice cakes, jelly and a small apple<br /> S - 2 x weetabix bars<br /> Later S - Pear and a yogurt</p> <p>I also ran for 30 mins</p> <p>I am glad about this day as the old me would have carried on my binge for a few days but I didn't want to do that was knew it was crucial to get back on track which I have done so I'm happy about that.</p> <p>So 1 day being binge free down, hopefully a life time to go! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/thepurplerabbits-2010-journal#post-51488 Sun, 03 Jan 2010 01:59:38 +0000 thepurplerabbit 51488@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>After making a resolution to stop bingeing in 2010, I'm planning to write every day here so I can keep track of my progress (fingers crossed!) So far so good.. but it's only the 2nd so that's not saying much.<br /> B: coffee, omelette w peppers, greens<br /> L: mushroom soup, pear<br /> D: mushroom soup, greens, veggie burger<br /> S: cereal (Kix, Frosted mini wheats)</p> <p>My problem is I get so hungry at night... and then I can't fall asleep because I'm starving. (Come to think of it, I'm actually hungry now) It's hard to decide when to eat and when not to eat! I end up lying in bed for hours battling with myself when I should have just gotten a snack in the first place. So maybe I'll have a snack now... yup. Not going to deprive myself this time. <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/keepushins-journal#post-57706 Sun, 07 Feb 2010 03:16:57 +0000 Keepushin 57706@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey Everyone! I figured I should make a new name for my journal to make it easier..below is the link to my original one which I'll just continue right off of..</p> <p><a href="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/im-backplease-help-me" rel="nofollow">http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/im-backplease-help-me</a></p> <p>Thank you so much for the replies today ladies!! I am going to respond tomorrow and will write about my day then also...just really gotta get to sleep! Hope you all have a lovely night! <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> &lt;3 KP </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/jacquis-journal-for-2010#post-51297 Fri, 01 Jan 2010 07:09:50 +0000 jacquirsw1 51297@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>This is going to be a good year!!!</p> <p>No matter what happens I know that I can get through it. I know that if I binge I can stop and that it doesn't spoil the good or change me into bad.</p> <p>I am in work in a bit till tomorrow but I feel settled and happy. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/and-end-to-silence#post-63853 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 15:19:28 +0000 Silence 63853@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi.<br /> My name is Gemma and I have a compulsive eating problem. There, I said it. I broke the silence. I am a binge eater.<br /> I’m overweight, unhealthy and unhappy and I need to do something about it. I figured the first thing I need to do is open up and talk about it. So, here goes…<br /> I’m 24 now and I’ve been bingeing for about ten years. It all started when I was about 14, at least that’s when it got serious. I was brought up in a family with a strict eating routine; breakfast, lunch and dinner at specific times, specific food on specific nights, treats only on certain days of the week. I always had to finish what was on my plate and I wasn’t allowed to leave the table until I did.<br /> I was a fairly good teenager as far as teenagers go, I never got in trouble at school, didn’t hang around with the wrong crowd or have a reckless boyfriend, but I still argued like hell with my mother. She’s a cold woman; I don’t ever remember her telling me that she loves me, or saying that she’s proud. She had a massive problem with the fact that I shut her out during my teenage years, despite the fact that if I did try to talk to her about stuff she told me that I didn’t know the meaning of stress or what it was like to be really upset. She made no effort to understant. As things got worse and worse I couldn’t do right for doing wrong; if I spent time with the family I was shouted at for being miserable and if I stayed away I got shouted at for hiding away. Nothing I ever did was good enough, or if it was she never told me so. It went as far as me trying to kill myself.<br /> I started binge eating as a form of rebellion and then it became a comfort to me; a way for me to express my feelings. I ate when I was angry and upset and I guess it’s a habit that’s stayed with me to this day.<br /> I get the urge to binge most when I’m tired, feeling down, bored and alone. Food calms me, it’s my friend, it’s my solace and no matter how hard I try I can’t let go of the comfort blanket. Even though I’m 24 and have a relatively good relationship with my mum I still turn to food.<br /> I allowed myself to get to somewhere above 300lbs before I decided to try and tackle the problem. I’ve been “dieting” for 2 years and have managed to lose (and keep off) 50lbs so far. But I’m still battling the binge and now I’m stuck in a diet-binge cycle. I’m in that frame of mind which swings between deprivation and excess, gluttony and punishment and I’m making myself miserable. But I can’t see to break the cycle, kick the habit. I can’t win.<br /> It’s really really getting me down now. I can’t keep on abusing my body like this, but I can’t stop doing it either. It’s like once the idea is in my head, once I’ve had that craving, that urge to binge nothing can stop me. I eat and eat until I feel sick. Then I eat some more. I’m never sick though, I just stuff my face until I’m ready to burst.<br /> My binge foods are mainly chocolate, cakes and biscuits. I do binge on crisps and sweets too and sometimes bread. But it’s mainly the sweet stuff that gets me.<br /> I’ve been trying for so long to fight this on my own, but I can’t do it. I don’t know what to do, where to turn, how to sort this out. I feel helpless and alone. And I’m desperate. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/so-first-step-admit-i-have-a-problem#post-59042 Sat, 13 Feb 2010 08:52:41 +0000 Ecu 59042@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi everyone,</p> <p>Im new here too and well I have no clue what are the steps I have to follow. Guess the first step is to admit that I do have a problem. I eat without reason and not really knowing what the taste is, nor how much I really eat. I eat when I feel down, when I feel bored, and alone. I eat after I have already had lunch (sweets specially). I feel the need of having something sweet after lunch. I´ve thought there might be something wrong in my brain or in my blood. I´ve done some research on the internet and found out that the lack of chromium can be the reason why I need to have sweets at that moment of the day.<br /> <a href="http://www.dietitian.com/chromium.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.dietitian.com/chromium.html</a><br /> Anyway, I´ve tried this <a href="http://www.althealth.co.uk/product/details/pharma_nord/bio_chromium/90_tabs/" rel="nofollow">http://www.althealth.co.uk/product/details/pharma_nord/bio_chromium/90_tabs/</a> and the recommended dose (100 micrograms)does not help me at all. I think if I could have a bit of control at that moment of the day I would not end up doing what I do.</p> <p>I started binge eating when I was like 12-14. I used to spend a lot of time alone at home and felt ...alone. So I went to the kitchen to grab something to eat, but it was non-stop. I gained weight and that was such a self-damaging cycle (and during a very fragile period of a person´s life). So I felt alone and ate. Gained weight and people weren´t nice to me because of my appearance and back to eat and eat. So now I started taking perspective, watching back to the root, I am more conscient of the root of the problem. It has a lot to do with the image I have, with the relationships I had when I was younger, and I have to admit I do not feel like being able to talk about this with a doctor, mainly because there are not many doctors who know how to deal with BED... and I still cry a lot and feel blocked when trying to talk about this. The only person I could talk about this is my boyfriend and as I said, still getting tears from my eyes everytime I try to talk about it. We have been looking for info about BED so I can get over it. I bought the e-book from endbingeeating.com - hope that helps me too (has anybody read that? did it help you?)</p> <p>Last year I got rid off 20 pounds, I was controlled by a doctor. After 5 months I started eating whatever I wanted. I decided to not see the doctor last month as I felt I coudn´t get the help I needed from her, as I didn´t know then that my problem has always been BED. At this point, I think the best for me could be talk about the issues I have with my boyfriend as he is the only one I trust to talk about this matters face to face. Hope this forum gets me some answers to clear up my mind.</p> <p>So I would appreciate if someone could give me some advice. </p> <p>Thank you </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/the-positivity-thread#post-59429 Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:11:24 +0000 skinnybinger 59429@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>So I was typing up a thread response to Amanda, about making ourselves feel pretty again, and I thought to myself, look as us all here... every picture I see is of a beautiful girl, and the ones who don't have pictures have beautiful minds, personalities, senses of humor, things I have gotten to know about you just from being here and reading what you have to say. It's sad that we have such issues, and such negative self images. So I decided to make a new thread - a positivity thread! This thread is for everyone. Every day we should get on to this thread, and list just one thing we like about ourselves - a physical feature, an ability, a belief, something you are proud of, a hidden talent, whatever. I'm sure the end result will be incredible - a whole huge list of why all of us are amazing! It certainly can't hurt to read through something like that every once in a while. So I'll start. Hmmm... I actually have adorable toes! Okay, who's next? </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/city-china#post-63237 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 12:19:45 +0000 hlthwrtr 63237@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Well...</p> <p>My name's China. Hello, ALL! I guess the time has come for me to start my own journal. I've been poking around this site for the last 2 or 3 months and have been so inspired and comforted by all of you ladies...I just can even describe it. This binge eating is such a lonely place. And I'm in such a cycle of healthy eating and managing stress and feeling my feelings (that's a biggie for me). I'll be on a roll for weeks, and then one day, CRACK! I'll have a deadline (I'm a writer for a national health and fitness magazine—I feel like such a friggin' hypocrite!), or PMS cravings or erratic emotions will hit, or some other tension in my life will surface that makes me reach for food to cope. Just like that, I'm back on a week-long eating bender. That's exactly what happened on Friday. To make a deadline, I ended up staying at the office until midnight, way longer than I needed to, because I was bingeing and raiding the communal fridge (yes, I am a food thief—how repulsive am I???!!!). I'm so ashamed..I can't even put it into words. I've eaten people's frozen dinners, snacks, cupcakes—it's a shame.</p> <p>I know why it happened...The stress of the deadline, the temporary relief that food gives me and the thrill I get from eating it (is that perverse! i actually get a high from bingeing!), the idea that I'm there in the office all alone am obligated to meet the deadline, it just pushes me to do something forbidden—and like a dumbass I ate and ate and ate.</p> <p>It started with me allowing myself to have a treat earlier that day (some fro-yo and peanut butter mixed in). I was OK after that, I thought. But it seemed to have opened a door—later that day, after I completed an interview I've been trying to get all week, I started having food thoughts. Then I began reasoning why it'd be Ok to have this and that, even though I wasn't hungry. Before I knew it, I was bingeing. </p> <p>I generally stay away from dairy b/c I'm severely lactose intolerant and milk products make me break out on my face and back, and yet I STILL ate it. Why? Because I'm a rebel, and an idiot. And I want to revolt against my own biology. I hate the idea of rules and restrictions unless they're mine, but then I rebel against my own rules, too. </p> <p>What I'm trying to say is that this ED is not for a lack of acknowledgement or analysis. I'm not a mindless eater. I'm a stress eater and an emotional eater. And I swear that I know exactly what I'm doing when I binge, and I want to stop myself. But I just reach a point that's so low...I give up. I feel as if the healthy, happy life I"m trying to create will never be mine...and I'm not worth it anyway...and the escape of food, however short, is a better option than dealing with the state of things (the stress, or loneliness, or anger) as they are. I'm just hurting so badly. And I wonder if I'm addicted to the hurt, like, am I addicted to being the victim? I've spent my entire adolescence and young adult life abusing myself one way or another, whether with men, or drugs, or food. This agony is very familiar and I wonder, deep down, do I really want to change? It seems a ridiculous question: Who in her right mind would choose this life? Well, I'm choosing it. And that's shamefully ridiculous.</p> <p>I've been having suicidal thoughts for the past few weeks. I know I'll never follow through with them; I'm to much of a pussy to take that kind of control over my life (then there's the Christian guilt to manage). But I can't deny that whenever I see a passing train or bus, I just wonder if I should fling my body in front of the thing and just forget it. Why not just jump off this ledge and end it?</p> <p>I guess somewhere, even in the midst of all this pain and shame and self-hatred (because that's what this ED is...it's me manifesting my hate for myself, which I've always had and I don't know why), I still think, by God's grace, one day I might get it right. I might fix myself. And each time I dig my way out a binge episode I wonder if this will be the time that it clicks for me. I don't restrict, or count calories, or work out too much (I used to do all those things). But I've learned from you ladies that that's not the way to go to beat this thing.</p> <p>Now I think the cure for me is, in the moments when the urge to binge comes on so strongly, and i feel like I can't do anything else in the world but stuff 10 cookies in my mouth, I have to know remember that that road leads me here. And I hate how I feel now. Not bingeing will carry me into a future where I'll actually be truly content within myself. </p> <p>This is so longwinded, and thanks for reading, if you've come this far. I just need to share the ugly parts of this ED and really no one else gets it. I need your help. I don't know how I'll do this alone, so I need all of you to help me. I'm so tired of it, and then, I'm scared to walk away from it, too. I don't know what a life without self-deprication looks like. I imagine its good, but I'm scared. Can you ladies tell me how you've come through? Also, when that urge to binge floods over your whole body—that's how it feels for me, like I'm being knocked over by a wave—what do you do? How do you move forward without giving in? </p> <p> Better days are ahead, yes? You're too kind to read this. Thank you for listening. It just means so much...</p> <p>Soon,</p> <p>China in the City </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/jens-journal-part-2#post-56319 Mon, 01 Feb 2010 10:58:56 +0000 jent 56319@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi everyone...</p> <p>I needed to start FRESH....so here i am continuing on my journey. I am not going to post in the old journal anymore so you can find me here.</p> <p>I hope everyone is having a good day! xox Jen </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/hunger-sensation-shortly-after-a-meal#post-63684 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:28:14 +0000 escapist 63684@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello you guys, I'm new to the recovery process and I have a question:</p> <p>I've been eating healthily and controlling portions for a bit now and I noticed that shortly after a meal, I get this kind of "hunger sensation" in my stomach. It's not real hunger, I know because first of all, I just ate less than a half of an hour ago, and second of all, my stomach's now growling, no weakness or lightheadedness. I frequent small meals a day because I've discovered that helps me significantly rather than eating large meals. Even if I do eat a large meal, I still sort of feel the same thing. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Have you ever gotten it before, and what could I do about it? ;P Thanks for reading. <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/bourne2fly-journal-starts-11032010#post-63758 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 03:36:11 +0000 bourne2fly 63758@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello again I'm back to give it another go. It's been about 4/5 months since my binge eating started to get really out of hand and my goal is to stop before I'm 25 which is in June.</p> <p>I admit I have binged the last two days and you can guess how I feel. When that second binge free day hits you know the cravings will come for you so I need to just put up with them and wrestle them off my back.</p> <p>So here we go. If feels like it's a really long road ahead for me.</p> <p>I'll keep you posted. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/bellas-journal-cant-hide-anymore#post-63745 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:32:44 +0000 iwannabefree 63745@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi everyone.<br /> I came on here a little while ago and made one post . . however, I just kind of stayed away after that. I'm not really sure why. I think I was trying to hide from the truth ?<br /> Anyways, I've binged a ton since then and I'm just so sick of it.. I hope that starting this journal will help me. I binged today, big surprise. Breakfast started out fine with some bananas and pb, lunch was stirfry, snack was apple and cashews, and then for dinner I was going to have a salad and beans . . but of course I had to have the whole kitchen after that. I finished the rest of my stirfry, a big bowl of grapes, an entire dark chocolate bar, an apple, cereal, a larabar, half a pb sandwich.. why do I do this to myself?<br /> I'm 15 and I really want control of my life.. i've never liked myself or ever been completely comfortable with my body. I've basically been on a diet since grade 5. I've tried starving, purging (although I was too wimpy and couldn't get much to come up) and now this .. I hate it. And nobody understands..<br /> I'm done. I want to stop this so bad. From now on, I am going to journal every day, and if I ever feel the need to binge, I will come on here.<br /> sorry for the rant. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/coffeeclubs-1st-journal#post-63229 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 09:55:44 +0000 coffeeclub 63229@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>It's over. About 3 times a year I go nuts. I have Bi-Polar which mean I have extreme mood swings. I am on meds for it. It does work ok. But I can not handle stress very well. And at the beginning of February I lost it.</p> <p>When I lose it, I become manic and all my will power goes to keeping myself sane.</p> <p>So started drinking again then I left my wife, after that I started eating bad then the workout stops then I waste lots of money. </p> <p>There comes a part where it is over and I again re-gain control. About a 2 weeks ago I woke up and I knew it was over. I was sane again and I had my will power back and all that was left to do is fix my life.</p> <p>I first stopped drinking, then I moved back home so those 2 things are fixed. Next I have to work on eating. For the last week and a half everyday was my last day of eating bad. I woke up this morning and I think I do have the will power to quit.</p> <p>My last Manic attack was over in the middle of October 2009. At that time I weighed 246 then at the beginning of February I weighed 207 and this morning I weighed 224.</p> <p>So I am going to continue to fix my life. I am I sure work out a couple of times this week. I think by this coming payday I will have the money thing under control and sometime next week I will start to work out consistently. Then my life will be back to normal. </p> <p>Here is what sucks going by the past this is a life circle. My life will go fine for the next 3 or 4 months. And then I will start to gradually lose control then one day boom I will be manic again.</p> <p>It is hard enough fighting off all the urges to drink, eat, and spend money. Then I go manic and ruin everything thing I worked for. Well I guess not totally ruined because I only gained half of the weight back that I worked so hard to lose. So sincerely as bad as it is it could have been worse.</p> <p>I do think I have made changes in my life that might prevent it from it happening again. My guess is that it will not fully work. But the good news is my manic not be as bad as it has been. But I will fight the good fight and do what ever I have to do in order to prevent it from happening again. I think my wife is going to keep an eye on my stress levels and back off a bit when she notices that I am starting to get too stressed out. I also think that we made changes that might prevent me from getting to stresses out thus I do not lose control again.</p> <p>Please provide any comments even if you do not relate. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/georgites-journal#post-62261 Tue, 02 Mar 2010 00:27:52 +0000 Georgite 62261@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Good morning everybody!</p> <p>Today’s post is a special one for me. Last night I had one of the biggest binges ever. Strangely, something inside me felt that this is the last time – the last binge ever. Now, I’ve told myself more times than I care to remember, ‘This is my last binge EVER’, and then I always binge again. But I just KNOW that yesterday was really the very last binge. I know it. I know it. I know it. </p> <p>I am too tired of falling down. I am too tired of picking myself up again. I am tired of living in a exhausting, time-consuming, energy-consuming, emotionally draining life of binging, recovering, binging, recovering, binging, recovering . . .</p> <p>I now look forward to a life of staying standing whatever it takes. While I was binging last night, I made myself aware of how much it hurts me – physically and emotionally. Intellectually, I always knew that binging hurt me, but I’ve never let myself truly FEEL it, because I’ve always felt so removed from my own body when I am binging – like I am watching myself from the outside. And then it is easy to just forget how much it hurt – and easy to fall into the binge trap again. But now that I’ve really felt the pain, I will never forget. </p> <p>All of life’s challenges, sufferings and sadness I will now have to face without eating through it. And it is going to be very, very hard. But I know that it is going to get easier. Because that is what all you girls who’ve been binge-free for a while now have said – and I know that the same will be true for me. I am making this my number one priority and I’m going to work on it daily. Because for as long as I’m still binging, the rest isn’t really worth it. </p> <p>Last night, I took out my journal and just started writing. I wrote out black on white all the lies that I have been telling myself about this disease that has kept me from healing myself, from breaking away completely. I am done with lying to myself about whether I am in control or not; whether I’m in danger of binging; whether I’m eating enough; whether I’m physically hungry; whether I’m tired, angry or lonely.</p> <p>I’m excited about what lies ahead. I’m scared of what lies ahead. But I know that this will make me stronger. I’m looking forward to not having to lose weight all the time, to not having to compensate for my last binge, to not constantly worrying when my next binge is going to happen, to not having to deal with depressing post-binge days.<br /> I will visit the Forum regularly and I will also keep posting. I consider this fundamental to my recovery. I know that I can get the support I need here. </p> <p>I’m feeling good. I’m feeling hopeful. I actually feel like buying myself something today. I’m thinking flowers.</p> <p>(I apologise for the length of this post – in future I’ll keep it short!) </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/aaaarrrrgggghhhhhhh-night-time#post-63765 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 07:03:03 +0000 mjaysifu 63765@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>As my title suggests...</p> <p>Last night I binged again.... Its always night now,,, about a year ago I was bingeing through the day as well, starting with a bad breakfast like chocolate and biscuits i continuing through the day...I admit i feel i am doing better now but i still cant seem to stop this NIGHT TIME EATING.</p> <p>I got in last night about 11pm and instead of going straight to bed which i have been doing the past two nights and not binged...I started arguing in my head about how hungary i was feeling </p> <p>I could actually hear myself saying to myself youir not going to be able to sleep...your used to having a full belly t night and your going to be sick if you dont eat something..I hear myself say your not going to binge but I know as soon as i sit down with something to eat im gouing to keep going until i feeell soooo full..</p> <p>there wasnt even that much food on offer last night </p> <p>I was demoted to buttering digestive biscuits with margarine cos there was no milk..</p> <p>Thats a fav of mine biscuits and milk and ice cream their my two main triggers of binging cos i can get through loads andd its quiet to eat so i can watch TV haha</p> <p>Anyway I tried to think why i feel like this..And i swear its the ''food Coma'' I like..</p> <p>Its like once im that full and tranced I forget about how alone I feel and how steressed im gonna be (im currently just starting my 3rd year and university, Mental Health nUrsing) and im feeling stressed about qualifying, not being good enough, and generally having to go into the big wide world and fend for myself completley,,,</p> <p>Im really staring to pile the weight on and its showing which is making me so frustrated cos i train really hard at the gym 5times a week and if i could just stop bingeing id lose the extra weight and feel so much better and confident....I dont even feel the need to diet just not fucking binge at night so i feel all bloated disgusting and fat every morning..WHICH I AM BECOMING</p> <p>ARRRGGGHHHHHHHH </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/gylnaras-journal-binge-free-life#post-43322 Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:56:08 +0000 Miss23 43322@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi all,</p> <p>I found this site and I have read some journal`s and postings and thanks to that I got out of my last 3 day binge cycle.<br /> I am born in 1987 in Estonia (it is a country in Europe, overseas form Finland, Sweden and next to Russia). My first 3 years of school were great, I got a best friend and we did everything together (we have been friends ever since). But then we had to move about 20 km away and I had to go to a new school. I stayed in contact with my best friend but at the new school I was very shy, because I didn<code>t know anybody. So soon other children started teasing me and I never managed to say anything back, so I usually just sat there red faced and took all that was coming to me :( So from there started my low self-esteem. I was never fat or ugly, my only flaw was that I was shy and children can be so cruel when they sense that you are weak and afraid of them. So anyway I suffered for 4 years and finally told my mum about it and I was put to another school, I was 14 then. Then something changed in me- I became very outgoing and all the shines was gone, but my low self-esteem stayed. From 14 to 17 everything was great- I was all the time partying, had tons of friends etc. My best friend has always been very thin and secretly I wished that I was that thin also. But I was not fat; I was 167 cm tall and weighed around 56 kg. When I was 17 I went to Spain for 1, 5 month and lost about 8 kg. But when I came back I gained the weight back, but wanted to get rid of it again. So I started to eat a little bit less and exercise twice a week. I soon started to lose weight but was never satisfied. Finally I weighed 43 kg, but saw myself still not skinny enough - I became anorexic. I was anorexic for a year. Then suddenly I started to eat and from there I became anorexic bulimic. By then I was 18. I went to live in Finland with my friend to escape from bulimia but it came after me. So I came back and started to take antidepressants. By then I had developed BED but still threw up sometimes. I had never weighed so much-64 kg. In summer (I was 19); things started to go better, I was sociable, lost some weight and had a boyfriend. We started living together. I went back to school to try to finish it, but it didn</code>t go so well. My boyfriend worked all the time and I was home alone (supposed to be at school) and ate everything, threw up and started to eat again. It went on like this for a year- It was my lowest point. I lied to my family and my partner that I did go to school. Once I cut myself to feel something besides the depression- I really hated myself. Next year I went back to school. Something changed in me- I didn<code>t throw up anymore and binged less. I even bought an exercise device at home. I finished school with good grades and had lost more than 8kg. I even stopped taking antidepressants. I was reading self help books and feeling more positive about life. In last autumn I went to university to study health promotion (isn</code>t it funny that we all study something related to health). I was working and studying, but still overate at least once a week. Things got bad last winter when I didn’t work that much and had more free time to binge <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> I gained all the weight back and was depressed. So this summer I went to Spain for 2 months and lost the weight again, but still overate at least once a week (occasionally threw up). Now I’m back and in 3 months I have gained the weight back AGAIN!!! I broke up with my boyfriend and now I guess I’m trying to fill the void with food. I was on a 6 day binge cycle last week <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> Every day I said to myself:’ tomorrow I will be good<code></code>, but the next day I said the same thing. None of my clothes fit me anymore and I am afraid to weigh myself.<br /> I can totally relate to all of you here. When I binge I don`t answer my phone, procrastinate meeting friends, doing homework and going to the gym- I’m like high on drugs (food). It has been now 5 years of battle with different eating disorders and I am tired of it all. But reading to all these posts here has given me strength to keep on going and not to give up! Because I know that I want to live and be free from this addiction!<br /> Estonia is a north east country and appearance is very important. A lot of girls are suffering from some kind of eating disorder, but nobody is really talking about it. They write about them in the newspapers, but we don<code>t have a place where we can openly talk about our problems. We don</code>t have forums like this. And when somebody is talking about eating disorder, it’s always about somebody`s friend or someone they know, never themselves. That is why I have decided to create a web page of ED and a forum like this one <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> <br /> I am sorry that I wrote so much but it`s difficult to sum up 5 years shortly. And also you have to excuse my spelling, because English is not my mother language.<br /> I will start keeping a journal here and try to beat this BED. I know that once you have had an ED, you will have setbacks, but the main thing is not perfection but progress. I also see a therapist and work on my low self esteem. So let<code>s see how it</code>s going to go shall we <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> <p>Gylnara <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_wink.gif" title=":wink:" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/clembutamol-t5-ephadrine-stackers#post-63767 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 07:06:21 +0000 mjaysifu 63767@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Anyone else ver used this stuff previously or anything else to help ''curb appetite'' and lose weight... I tried T5 but they were really bad for mental health and also clembutamol which are steroid based and make you shake... At least i cam to the conclusion on my own terms that losing weight by using these are not good...</p> <p>Like anything else taking stuff like this regulary your body builds up resistance and you have to take more... as soon as you stop taking them you feel bad and weight comes straight back on..</p> <p>THEY'RE NOT WORTH IT..TRUST ME </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/i-just-need-somewhere-to-let-it-out#post-62114 Mon, 01 Mar 2010 04:15:07 +0000 getoveritjasmine 62114@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Yeah so I found this site yesterday and I think it's awesome. I need somewhere that I can talk and basically not be embarrased. </p> <p>Well I'll start with what I've eaten today...<br /> B: Bowl of cheerios with low-fat milk<br /> S: Banana+Apple<br /> L: 1 pc wholemeal toast with tomato on top.<br /> S: Beetroot + can of tuna</p> <p>So I dunno what that's like. Good?Bad?</p> <p>I'm only 5ft, but 110 pounds.</p> <p>I haven't had dinner yet, but I'm hoping to keep control, it's normally where I lose it. Mum is cooking butter chicken, so I'll have 1/2 cup of rice. bit of the chicken and sauce, and a salad.</p> <p>Over the weekend I went outta control though. I couldn't stop eating. BUT I am proud of myself because everything was healthy. No junk! Still, didn't really make it any better.<br /> I had managed to spend that 5 days last week in control.<br /> So this week I have decided to eat everything, in moderation. I won't completley cut out sweets, I'll probable end up binging on Sunday like usual. But I take some advice from what I've read on this site. I'll have a little bit through out the week.<br /> But nothing today. I KNOW I'll end up overeating on it, after the weekend I had. So yeah.<br /> I don't really care if no one reads this but for me thats not the point.<br /> So let's hope for a good week ahead </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/lottie-getting-back-on-track#post-51592 Mon, 04 Jan 2010 01:48:08 +0000 Lottie 51592@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>So I'm back<br /> And this time I'm gonna kick that binge monster's ass for good!!! =D<br /> I've been bingeing every day for the last week or two<br /> but it doesn't affect my mood as much as it used to<br /> so i guess that's kind of a good thing...<br /> but my weight has gone up again and that is what worries me most<br /> I want to try weight watchers again<br /> just at home, on my own, and taking it slowly<br /> I know they recommend not to go on a diet anymore<br /> but I don't really consider it a diet, I just need some way of knowing, ok Charlotte, now you've had enough<br /> I'm allowed to eat 19 points a day, but I added two points, and if I still feel like I'm restricting too much I'll add some more<br /> I know that when I used to weight watch, the intuitive eating was going better, because I really wanted to enjoy the amount of food that I was allowed to eat<br /> I'm not sure if this is gonna work, but I really want to give it a try!<br /> I want 2010 to be the best year ever<br /> and there's only one person who can make that happen, and that's me<br /> I wish you all the best of luck this year<br /> and I know that we can beat this monster together!<br /> big hugs<br /> Charlotte </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/welcome-to-another-day-buttons-journal#post-59424 Mon, 15 Feb 2010 15:48:38 +0000 Button 59424@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>It makes sense to me to keep an account of what I'm eating, when I manage a day binge-free and so on. My current recent record is a pitiful three days without binging, so I'm taking it one day at a time. If I manage four I'll be really pleased. <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> <p>I'm really happy because today was my first binge-free day in over a week. <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> I ate:<br /> B: Bowl of porridge<br /> L: Beef &amp; red onion sandwich on wholegrain bread, low fat raspberry yoghurt<br /> T: Spaghetti Bolognaise with a piece of garlic bread<br /> S: Half a red pepper</p> <p>That looks like a success to me. <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_mrgreen.gif" title=":mrgreen:" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> <p>Fingers crossed I can keep it up - I've been trapped by binge eating for far too long! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/desert-dudes-diary-part-two#post-51478 Sun, 03 Jan 2010 00:07:19 +0000 desert dude 51478@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Due to some glitch, I am not able to continue with my journal, so am starting a new one, have got into the routine of writing down my comings and goings, and I'm afraid that if I stop, I won't be able to start again, soooooo.</p> <p>HAH!! beat the f**ker (sorry) down another four pounds.</p> <p>I started at 268, then gained weight the first week to 271, last week lost five pounds 266, this week now I'm at 262.<br /> plus I had missed two gym sessions when I was sick.</p> <p>The boss is back, so this mouse is sitting behind his desk like a good boy after receiving about half a dozen threats from various departments of greivious bodily harm if I don't stop annoying and pestering them (well, I was bored). I know they'll get there own back on me one way or another, it's just a matter of where and when and how.</p> <p>yesterday's food looked like this:</p> <p>Breakfast: a cheese roll (again, this is getting boring) and tea<br /> Lunch: Vegetable curry with white rice.<br /> Dinner: potato chip sandwitch (my daughter made it for me)<br /> Snack: a large glass of strawberry milk.</p> <p>Starting to feel more confident walking down the isle with all the chocolates and sweets at the supermarket, where as before I needed a pair blinds, like a horse, also this so is much easier that counting calories, which I hate -you only end up feeling guilty anyway no matter how smaller portion you eat-.</p> <p>Tonight's the start of my weekend, nothing much planned, a nice long lay in would be nice, but knowing the kids it won't that long before they're jumping up and down on my head.</p> <p>See you guys later </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/my-light-bulb-moment#post-63777 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 09:16:45 +0000 DONNA 63777@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Tonight was the night I realise I have a very big problem. I feel so sick, and so full, I can barely move, Not too mention I am full of anger and sadness all at the same time. My emotions are running rings in my head, so much I cant sleep!!.... so I want to eat... how does this get better? Why am I putting myself through this agony? How do I make my first step to recovery? </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/nats-journal#post-52734 Sun, 10 Jan 2010 22:44:05 +0000 Nat 52734@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>First day back at work for 2010 and what day! It's been a thumbs up day for me. One of those days where you see life as so positive and full of opportunity. I came to work bouncing with energy, happiness and a great will to be a better person to myself and to those around me.</p> <p>I'm no bitch. I think I'm a kind person but we all get caught up in our own worlds that we tend to stress on the small things and let it fill our minds with negative thoughts. Sometimes I find myself nagging or drilling my opinions into other peoples heads even when I don't even believe them myself. I think it's just to create an issue or to cure my boredom, I have no idea but it's not me and this year I'm going to change.</p> <p>I have realised that having a negative mind really kills my confidence and belief in myself. This has been a huge impact on my binge eating. When I binge, I feel unworthy and a failure. If I keep thinking of putting myself down, I just dig my hole deeper and can't seem to crawl out of it. These holidays have been a real change for me. I have begun to love and appreciate myself. I look in the mirror every day and I point out things that I love. I used to want to be skinny so so bad that I thought I would only lead a miserable life unless I was a twig and looked a certain way. I used to feel this deep depression in my gut when I thought what life would be like as a curvy woman. Then I found this quote:</p> <p><em><strong>The more you wish, the more you suffer</em></strong></p> <p>It made so much sense. The more I wished to be skinny, the unhappier I was becoming as a person.. when all along I thought it would make me happy?</p> <p>Anyway I've taken another approach to beat my binging. It's not what I eat, how many calories, how much I exercise or how many carbs I have. I have focused on my well being and being completely content with myself and my life. I've read a few books based on Buddhism and finding true happiness in all aspects of my life and I feel like a totally new person.</p> <p>In the morning I get up half an hour early, do some gentle stretching, play some quiet, motivating music and sit and clear my mind. I think of all the things I have to be grateful for. Then I begin my day with a positive attitude and feel so much happier. I notice myself being a kinder, more gentle person who I knew had been hiding for a little while.</p> <p>Call me crazy, but learning to not sweat the small stuff and to find happiness in every aspect of my life has changed my way of thinking and I hardly think of food anymore. It's not the be all and end all of my life. I am just grateful to be here, have a beautiful family and friends and to have so many life opportunities. </p> <p>Food is great! But my well being is better <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/ls-journal#post-38126 Wed, 03 Jun 2009 13:54:28 +0000 Hope777 38126@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello all! I thought I would use this to write out my progress. I have been doing really well this week. I have stayed mostly in my calorie range eating about every three hours and allowing myself to indulge a little. I have noticed by allowing myself to have about 200 calories worth of chocolate a day my craving for it totally went away. I didnt even want any last night! I am also stopping myself and asking myself if i want food as medication or if i am truly hungry. While i consider this a huge leap in progress I have had some disturbing thoughts. Since I dont weigh myself or measure my fat loss lately I have been questioning if i am gaining or loosing weight. Sometimes i feel skinny, others days I feel chubby. I know this is probably just the eating disorder in me coming out but sometimes i get scared that i am just gaining weight by allowing myself to have 1900 calories a day. Is this too many calories, i do exercise just about everyday. However, the other day I was in my swim suit and i felt a little bloated, the next day aunt flow came to visit (lol). I was talking to my boyfriend about it and i said "no wonder i felt bloated yesterday". His response was "yeah i noticed you looked bloated :((. This made me really sad and made me feel fat, for my own boyfriend to notice that:((. It made me question if i bloated or just gaining weight? The good part is that i didnt turn to food after he said this, i just went home and cried (at least i actually allowed myself to feel sad. I just wish i could get rid of this negative thinking that i am fat and just love my body. I just miss the days when everyone was like WOW you are SO skinny. Is this bad to think? Am i over reacting? Sorry for the Debbie downer post today, i am feeling a little depressed.<br /> &lt;3L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/need-help#post-63669 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:51:51 +0000 magdam1 63669@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi everyone.</p> <p>I have been struggeling with binge eating for the last 4 months and I am tired of it controling my life. I am 23, 5'4, and weigh 120 pounds. I know that this sounds like not a lot but here is my story.</p> <p>I have suffered from depression/anxiety for the last 2 yrs or so. For about a year I weighed about 95 pounds. I exercised all the time and kept a food journal everyday and allowed myself to consume 1200 calories/day. When I did have a few more I would make sure that the next day I would have less. This cycle repeated itself for about a year. All of the sudden 4 months ago I started to binge and I dont know how to stop. I tell myself every day that tomorrow I will gain control. And I do for a day or two, I will have 1200 calories and then fall again on day 3. I just want control again but I just dont know how to go about it. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/els-2010-journal#post-51447 Sat, 02 Jan 2010 17:50:16 +0000 El 51447@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello,<br /> I have recently joined this forum and I have been really inspired by all the journals and posts on this site.<br /> I have been a binge eater for the past 3 years and I think it really started after years of anorexic behaviour and restrictions on foods.<br /> I have found the past few weeks especially difficult, and really feel that I have to do something about this now.<br /> I seem to go for a couple of days and feel so proud of myself as I eat the 'right' kinds of food - mainly that I dont eat food I think of as bad, but then I just go crazy and eat everything I can get my hands on.<br /> I feel like I dont know how to eat normally anymore - I dont have any idea about portion size or food that is ok to eat, and I don;t trust myself with food.<br /> I do quite a lot of exercise and so get quite hungry and I just feel like I eat all the time - it consumes my thoughts.<br /> I feel so low with how I look at the moment - I cant bear to look in the mirror anymore, or at photos of myself - and I don;t know how to get my self esteem back.<br /> I want to lose a bit of weight - but I know from what I have read here that dieting is not going to stop me from binging....I don't really know what to do.<br /> Thanks and I do think that this site will really help - it is so amazing to actually fins somewhere where so many others are going through similar things. <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/help-15#post-63696 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:41:07 +0000 Dreamer313 63696@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi, im new here. Ive always had trouble with my weight. For a year or two I struggled with anorexia. Recently I began binge eating. Unfortunatley I think Its from depriving myself so much from fatty foods. I was just wondering if there is anything you guys recomend for me to do. I want to eat regularly and eat healthy foods. I exercise regularly, I just have trouble controling how much food I eat. Thank you for listening to me <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/orions-journal#post-63154 Sun, 07 Mar 2010 20:10:23 +0000 Orion 63154@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Haven't posted in a while... I haven't had a lot of time to get on here but feel good that I'm posting.<br /> The last couple days went really well. On Friday I spent the night at my friend's house where it is REALLY easy to binge. They stock up on cookies, ice cream, mini muffins (things with the prefix "mini" always seem to be big binge items for me... anyone else), all kinds of little debbie things, chips... you name it. I ate dinner and dessert before I went, and when I got there I had a cookie and a 1/4 of a sandwich. I wasn't hungry but I'm really proud of myself for limiting myself to that. She also had some leftover Valentine's day chocolate that I had a piece of... Also an easy to binge on item.<br /> The day after was fairly normal food wise. I had an audition that ran almost all day so there wasn't much time to even think about food. Afterwards I went to a show with my friend and then got ice cream at Friendly's afterward. We shared a sundae together, and then she (ok.. me too!) were craving a little more so we bought a small cone to share for the ride home. This is more than I normally eat for dessert, but we used the long dance audition as a "We deserve it!" excuse. You only live once, right?</p> <p>So here's today:<br /> B - 2 eggs on wasa crackers with NF cheese<br /> L - ham sandwich - 2 slices toasted WW bread with cheese and pineapple (DELISH!)<br /> 1 c. soy milk<br /> 1/2 peach<br /> S - handful of dried apricots and almonds<br /> D - roast chicken<br /> steamed broccolli<br /> squash<br /> soy milk</p> <p>So although I ate more dessert-y foods than I normally would this weekend I tried to be very healthy today to make up for it, and feel very satisfied! </p> <p>A friend of mine wants to try going vegan for a month with me... But I'm not so sure that that's a good idea considering I'm fairly unstable with food right now as it is. Thoughts? </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/overeaters-anonymous-meetings#post-63434 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 12:22:04 +0000 coffeeclub 63434@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I am thinking of going to a couple of Overeaters Anonymous meetings.</p> <p>Does anyone know what they are like? I have never been to one. </p> <p>I am sincerely worried that I do not have a big enough problem to go. All though I think I have a legit issue.</p> <p>If you would like read my journal. Especially today's entry. I am worry about insulting other people. Because I feel if I do not have a real problem than they might fight that insulting. Does that make since?</p> <p><a href="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/coffeeclubs-1st-journal" rel="nofollow">http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/coffeeclubs-1st-journal</a></p> <p>Was anyone else scared to attend? I know I feel kind of nervous about admitting that I need help. I am a bit worried about what my friends will think of me. I pretty much keep this problem a secret. I would be devastated if anyone ever found out that I went to these meetings or even read my posts.</p> <p>Also I am worried because I am male and there is a certain stigma that comes with being male and being so worried about weight loss.</p> <p>My main goal is to really to eat healthy and live long. I also want to set a good example for my child. And yes I do want to be thin and look good for my wife.</p> <p>I am very self conscious person and I do worry about what others think of me.</p> <p>Can anyone relate. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/if-i-only-saw-my-mind#post-63268 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:26:28 +0000 noimae 63268@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>After 1 hour of thinking how to start this message. I'm just gonna start. I suppose it is a kind of unnatural beggining as I'm in the position of accomplishing to terminate the most staightforward issue that is eating. I had a quite successful therapy and feel fairly good most of the times. At the moment I wouldn't be able to explain why I'm writting this at all. I just wanted when I felt worse I still want, I guess. </p> <p>It's just so confusing - even thought the amounts are nothing like binges, the feeling of failure and lack of control still stays. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/what-was-life-like-before#post-56608 Tue, 02 Feb 2010 06:13:55 +0000 mir4cle 56608@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>hey there!</p> <p>i am 17 years old and i am from germany. i was about 8 month anorexic and that totally went over into binge eating. it was like first time letting myself go after all those month of discipline. i gained 10 kilogram back in 4 month and couldn´t stop eating. i was allready back to my normal weight but my food addiction didnt stop. than i went to a clinic for eating disorder. the time there was helpfull and i felt that my strength was coming back. but as soon as i went back home i started binging again. now i am back where i was before the clinic. i wont go to school after a binge night... the next day i feel disgusting and so i start eating again because of this bad feeling.<br /> i dont do sports anymore , because with the full stomach it hurts and i dont feel comfortable in my body...</p> <p>i feel alone with it even though my mom knows about it and supports me. but when i want to binge, i lie to her and binge behind her back.<br /> i cant trust myself..<br /> i dunno what to do anymore..</p> <p>mira </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/stoptarts-start#post-63342 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:38:05 +0000 Stoptart 63342@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello,<br /> I guess I should tell everyone a little about myself. My name is actually Steven and I am a junior in College. I have struggled with binge eating or Compulsive-overeating for around six years. I am currently 6'3" and 310lbs. I have lost around 10 lbs since last Christmas. I seem to flux in my weight very badly every time I head back to school. At this point I am just frustrated. I know what I should do but I feel like I am drowning in this eating disorder and I can feel it getting worse for the past month. I think that I can see the first signs of bulimia as lately I have been working out for a couple hours every time after I binge eat.<br /> I also know that my eating disorder is just the reaction to the rest of my life which i feel like I am out of control. One of the biggest issues that I feel has instigated my binge-eating is when I first became attracted to men at the age of 13-14. I grew up in a Christian home and even though I have tried to tell my parents about it more than once, they don't fully recognize it. In fact, I don't even know what it is anymore. I have never wanted to be gay, but I can't control who I am attracted to. This lack of control in my life I think is what is causing part of my problems. </p> <p>This problem of homosexuality that I have dealt with have lead to a couple of areas in my life that I am not happy about. This is my darkest secret, and I have never told anyone, but I am going to have to if I ever want to get better and I hope that starting here will help me tell someone face to face. For some reason, and I don't know why yet, but I not only homosexual, but I am also attracted boys. I am, I guess, a pedophile. I would never touch a child in real life. These are elaborate fantasies that I have and I would never act on them. I have no idea why and I never ever want to again. I can tell you right now that even typing this is huge for me. I know that this has to relate to my binge eating, and I don't know if this is more than you people bargained for.</p> <p>This winter I was also diagnosed with depression. I don't know what to think about this yet as I have only been taking meds for about two or three months now and I am not sure if they are making things better or worse.</p> <p>People of the binge eating forum. I am committed to changing my life. I can't live like this anymore. I have some very supportive friends and family who support me losing weight and enjoying my life more. But I need some people who understand that what I am going through is not the same as everyone else's eating habits. Thank you for helping me on my road to recovery. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-2010-journal#post-59732 Tue, 16 Feb 2010 22:33:40 +0000 generationshelll 59732@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey Everyone I'm Michelle<br /> Im no stranger to this Forum.....i found it about 7-8 months ago<br /> I have been binge free for about 5mo<br /> Ive lost 20 lbs<br /> But im starting to lose control a bit<br /> So im deciding to start a new Journal. Representing a fresh New Start</p> <p>Ive never really doubted myself in the past 5 months until now. i feel like im falling back down the same path which cant happen</p> <p>the past couple days ive been overeating and even today I did<br /> lets see what I ate... im not gnna lie im embarrassed to post it all</p> <p>kashi cereal<br /> 9grain bread and pb. Carrots and ranch dip<br /> WW veggie lasangya<br /> wheat toast<br /> salad<br /> serving of light icecream<br /> some strawberry cookies<br /> fiber one muffin<br /> fiber one granola bar<br /> cracker jacks<br /> pretzels<br /> and poptarts.... :/ </p> <p>i feel like Ive binged...maybe i have i have no clue</p> <p>Im willing to start over whatever it takes rlly </p> <p>I feel like i start going downhill after dinner<br /> boredom...stress idk</p> <p>Ive felt like im failing myself a lot</p> <p>Ive noticed awwhile that my mom seems unhappy a lot and i feel guilty about that. I talked ot my sister and she even said I dont ever spend time or talk to my mom...no wonder shes not very happy. I feel like im failing as a daughter and i cant stand that. </p> <p>I feel like im failing myself....making it 5 mo and then falling off the bandwagon...even allowwing it . eating bad..... i dont know what to do really anymore. I feel like food is starting to control my life. </p> <p>im contemplating giving up fast food all together although i dont eat it all the time.... it just seems everytime i do start doing well.... going out to eat or eating fast food triggers something....i feel like i can never get back on track completly....and i hate that people around me dont understand why i dont liek to eat outt. Shld i give up fast food until i start going strong for awhile? i need to do something....</p> <p>Anyways i hope everyone had a great day!!<br /> Much love, Michelle </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/mikes-journal-1#post-58120 Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:43:59 +0000 mikegbsb 58120@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>i had a journal a few months back but I stopped writing so I will start anew. Like everyone else, I have a binge problem. Well, I guess it might be considered more bulimia. I go through binging (sometimes for days) and then exercising, fasting and restricting to compensate. I just got through 9 straight days binge-free and then blew it all last night and then today. I know that I use food as a comfort for loneliness and boredom. Yet I can't stop this problem. I can have a good spell where I don't binge and feel good about myself, then I'll just start eating and won't be able to stop. I can't keep this up because it's taking over my life and causing me great depression. I've put on almost 30 pounds in the past 2.5 years. Even though I'm not overweight, I don't feel comfortable with myself. I know I have to kick the binging before I start thinking of weight loss, but it's so hard to focus on that. Maybe by starting over and trying to write on here daily, it will help to subside my binges. </p>