http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ Support to stop binge eating, stop emotional eating, and stop overeating. en Fri, 03 Sep 2010 00:31:00 +0000 http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/does-positive-thinking-really-help#post-87447 Thu, 02 Sep 2010 18:54:29 +0000 katric 87447@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Bahh! So I've been having an absolutely horrible month binge-wise. One thing I have noticed, however, is that I seem to not be as depressed or feel as guilty after my binges. That being said, I have been binging more frequently and with larger amounts of food. I do not feel good after a binge, but I do not feel nearly as bad as I used to. I suppose one could see that as an improvement, but my urges to binge are stronger than ever! Should I be beating myself up more?<br /> Just wanted some opinions on this dilemma. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/claire-vs-the-bed-cow#post-86587 Sun, 29 Aug 2010 16:43:58 +0000 Claire 86587@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Decided i should have my own propper offical journal and properly mark my ups and downs.<br /> Today was a particular bad day, i spent most of it in bed, the cow ( its what i have decided to call this) had well and truly got me. ive been waking up through the night having panic atattct coverd in sweat (MINGER) because the weight gain is so horibal and uncofortable. Even though i ate probly more than over grown hairy male wrestlers eat in a day i will think of the posotives for my day;<br /> 1. I didnt have any crisps (chips if your american) today.<br /> 2. I havent had a night time binge.<br /> 3. There was also no chocolate involved. </p> <p>Got the dentist tomorrow so it will be interesting to see if the cow takes over when half of my mouth doesnt work haha. </p> <p>Please leve me alone cow and go back to the feild <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/steps-toward-the-future-1#post-82656 Mon, 09 Aug 2010 16:17:19 +0000 miracleshappen23 82656@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>So, for the past couple years, it's been all or nothing for me. I'd either eat "flawlessly", no sugar, counting calories - or i'd make one little mistake and suddenly a bite of chocolate would lead to everything sweet or cheesy that i could get my hands on. A lot of these forums talk about not restricting any foods so that you never feel like you "failed." Today i decided to try that.</p> <p>I've been busy this morning so for breakfast i just had time to have some nonfat yogurt. Then for lunch i was really hungry so i had a turkey/egg sandwhich &amp; a trader joes reduced fat salad.</p> <p>I have trouble when i'm aware that there is "bad" food around me. Even if i'm not near it, i'm constantly scared it will trigger a binge. It's almost like my mind is addicted to thinking about it. So today, i decided instead of dwelling on the fact that my dad had ice cream in the freezer, i would let myself have a couple of bites so i never got to the point of obsessing. I had a couple of bites before i ate my salad - so the sugar wasn't the last thing i'd eaten...</p> <p>Anyways, I'm happy because i'm trying to shift my mind set from being all or nothing. I had a couple bites of ice cream, but i didn't have the whole carton : ) and i'm not bingeing. So I'd say this is progress! I also had a really good day yesterday - ate well, worked out and then saw Rent at the hollywood bowl which inspired me to "forget regret or life is yours to miss." It's time to stop obsessing, and start living- which starts with eating what i want, but not going crazy. easier said than done but i'm happy i showed myself it's possible : ) </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/kristens-journal#post-86031 Thu, 26 Aug 2010 07:19:28 +0000 Kristen 86031@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Good morning!</p> <p>Ok, so I know everyone on here has been telling my not to worry about eating healthy until the bingeing is under control (13 days binge-free now). Eating what I want, within reason, has really helped me stay away from bingeing. If I am comfortably full when I get up from the table, I can make it to the next meal without even wanting to binge. Eating a controlled portion (smaller than I want) leads to me hiding in the bathroom with a jar of peanut butter and a box of granola bars. My concern is that I am going to gain weight from what I am eating, even though I am still making some healthy choices. This morning I wanted waffles. They keep me full until lunch. Normally, I would eat oatmeal, not be satisfied and need a snack (or two) before lunch. I get very unsettled when I am never full - like I am going to crawl out of my skin - and I avoid the feeling whenever possible. I only ate 3 waffles (280 calories) and some light syrup (45 calories). If I had eaten the oatmeal and 2 healthy snacks, I would have had about 300 calories....but 8 out of 10 times, it results in a binge. I am very confused about what to eat. I am learning when to eat, but what to eat is causing a mental battle every day. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/piggys-journal#post-82939 Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:35:34 +0000 piggypie 82939@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello all!</p> <p>For those who haven't read... I have been struggling with eating disorders for the past four years. I have lost many friends, opportunities, and years of life due to the illnesses. My story is long, so I will refrain from boring you all, but I see that it is quite similar to a lot of you (: I have had anorexia, and now, am suffering from BED. I have gained a lot of weight very quickly. The same thing happened last year, when I initially found this site. I "recovered", for the most part, and quit posting. Now, my binges are back, and I am in serious need of help. I decided to start a journal on here in hopes of support and also so I can share my stories so others feel that they are not alone (:</p> <p>I am feeling alright today. Afternoon-dinner is the toughest time for me. From 1oclock-dinner. I lost my job last month, so I am home alone with a lot of free time on my hands. I hate how eating disorders, in all of ther forms, distance you from everything. When I was anorexic, I was completely infatiuated with running 60-70 miles per week and not eating. I was always tired and grumpy and missed out on many occassions because I "had to run" or I didn't want to be around food. Or because I had to go to bed early so I could be up at 5am to run 8 miles. Now, with BED, I am isolated as well. I have gained weight quickly. None of my clothes fit. I no longer look nor feel like myself. I am ashamed for anyone, even my family, to see me. Even people who never saw me when I was thin, I am embarrassed to be seen around. Ive become a hermit. And I know that puts me in a dangerous position. But I cannot help it.. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/i-am-a-new-member-in-this-forum#post-87111 Wed, 01 Sep 2010 06:46:07 +0000 Elizabeth Michael 87111@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi Everyone,</p> <p>I am Elizabeth Michel, a very new member to this forum. Now I am working as the President of Second Chance Health &amp; Well ness, Inc. My mission is to provide the knowledge necessary to help people take control of their drinking and their lives. I found this forum very informative regarding the health issues and eating habits. I am really very excited here to take part in discussions. Hope you will contribute your ideas and support me in my mission.</p> <p>Thanks &amp; Regards<br /> Elizabeth Michel<br /> Second Chance Health &amp; Well ness, Inc </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/hils-journal#post-62983 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:41:49 +0000 Hil87 62983@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>After reading the different things that everyone writes on here and how supportive everyone is I decided I need to join. I feel embarrassed by my BED, which is why I obviously hide it. I know that I have it, but I feel like writing and actually posting on it will make me really face it and truly get back to the way I used to be. I think what embarrasses me even more is the fact that I have my BS in nutrition and I am currently working for my MS in it too, not to mention that I’m planning to become a Registered Dietitian. So I know what binging will do to me, I know how to eat healthy, I know how to eat intuitively, etc. Despite all of these things “I know” how to do, I can’t seem to do it these past few months. What I hates is that I’m suppose to be helping people one day and I can’t even seem to help myself, which is not what I want at all. </p> <p>I’m getting tired of feeling out of control and the inner battle going on with food and me, so I’m ready to start helping myself. </p> <p>In my next post I’ll write about what I think brought on my BED and I’m hoping writing it will help me deal with the emotions associated with all of it. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/hayleys-journal#post-70863 Mon, 24 May 2010 06:09:21 +0000 hay 70863@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi everyone.</p> <p>Day 2 for me and, as I decided yesterday, I am ready to start this threat and track my progress.</p> <p>I feel a little drained tonight, work is busy and the Binge withdrawal (as I think of it) is taking hold; ie: Body actually having to run without the massive amount of sugar I pumped into it 2 days ago (last binge).</p> <p>But more importantly, I feel really optimistic that this time things are going to be different. The hope and vision that clicked in my head 2 days ago is alive and well, and every meal that I eat like a 'normal person' validates and strengthens that hope even more!</p> <p>I actually had a sandwich for lunch today and it was bliss. Over the past few years, as the diets have become stricter and stricter, Ive limited my lunches to a green salad or a green juice. How wonderful it was to nourish my body properly today! To not have to sneak my diet lunch in guilty shame! To be full halfway, stop, and have the pther half a few hours later when I was hungry once again!</p> <p>Smooth sailing for now, loving this freedom from DIET, something that has wrecked my head for 16 years solid, and just building all my strength for when the challenges come.</p> <p>H.x </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/another-shot#post-84461 Thu, 19 Aug 2010 16:13:45 +0000 Zaina 84461@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi everyone<br /> this is not the 1st time i come ,i've been here before,twice actually but as always after 2 weeks or even less i stopped posting ,,because i didnt find that magical solution that would cure my problems in one day !!!<br /> i came back here after reading this book "women,food and God" its a great one , talks about the very same things we talk abt here ... we should heal ourselves in order to have a better relationship with food which will lead into a better life in general !<br /> and i was trying to discover myself more and more but i didnt know what to do with those new information about myslef ,,,this isnt working ... i always come back to this conclusion ,,nth works with me,, it worked with everybody else ,,i saw the women on Oprah ,,it worked with them , so why it didnt work with me ?? its my fault i am a failure ....<br /> i learnt from this book that this ,,, the failure thing ,, brings me down , if i keep telling my self that i'll end up believing it !! i am trying not to bring my slef down but these thoughts are stronger than me <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> <br /> i want things to get better and they're not ,, i am tired of this ,, i am even tired of saying that i am tired!!!! it feels like i've been running around in circles for the last 4 years ...<br /> i dnt wana say that i gave up but maybe i already did <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> <p>there are a lot of new members here so i'm looking forward to knowing you all<br /> and my old friends here ,, i miss you all <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> <p>Zaina </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/slcs-journal#post-86589 Sun, 29 Aug 2010 16:56:17 +0000 slc89 86589@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I found this forum last night, posted my first topic/thread, and found it to be an uplifting experience. I have been spending some time today reading journals, and have decided that it would be in my best interest to begin my own. I am so glad I found this site! It made today a little easier. I feel like I got a lot done today, some work for school, some laundry, etc. I also did pretty well with food. I had: </p> <p>Coffee With Fat-Free Caramel Macchiato Creamer<br /> 2.2 oz Strawberry/Banana Yogurt<br /> 4 oz Strawberry Cheesecake Yogurt<br /> 1 Light Beef Hotdog On Whole Wheat With Ketchup<br /> 1 Bowl Tomato Rotini Soup<br /> 1 Glass Red Wine</p> <p>Might not have been the healthiest menu, but it was sufficient and I really had no urges to binge at all. I think part of what made today so easy was the support that I received both from my first post, and from reading all of your journals <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/desert-dudes-diary-part-two#post-51478 Sun, 03 Jan 2010 00:07:19 +0000 desert dude 51478@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Due to some glitch, I am not able to continue with my journal, so am starting a new one, have got into the routine of writing down my comings and goings, and I'm afraid that if I stop, I won't be able to start again, soooooo.</p> <p>HAH!! beat the f**ker (sorry) down another four pounds.</p> <p>I started at 268, then gained weight the first week to 271, last week lost five pounds 266, this week now I'm at 262.<br /> plus I had missed two gym sessions when I was sick.</p> <p>The boss is back, so this mouse is sitting behind his desk like a good boy after receiving about half a dozen threats from various departments of greivious bodily harm if I don't stop annoying and pestering them (well, I was bored). I know they'll get there own back on me one way or another, it's just a matter of where and when and how.</p> <p>yesterday's food looked like this:</p> <p>Breakfast: a cheese roll (again, this is getting boring) and tea<br /> Lunch: Vegetable curry with white rice.<br /> Dinner: potato chip sandwitch (my daughter made it for me)<br /> Snack: a large glass of strawberry milk.</p> <p>Starting to feel more confident walking down the isle with all the chocolates and sweets at the supermarket, where as before I needed a pair blinds, like a horse, also this so is much easier that counting calories, which I hate -you only end up feeling guilty anyway no matter how smaller portion you eat-.</p> <p>Tonight's the start of my weekend, nothing much planned, a nice long lay in would be nice, but knowing the kids it won't that long before they're jumping up and down on my head.</p> <p>See you guys later </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/mil-mils-blog#post-83679 Sun, 15 Aug 2010 22:26:35 +0000 MiLMiL 83679@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I had a previous thread called "hello everyone" just to introduce myself and speak about BED and what triggers it. Now I really want to make it offical and start my own blog about my journey to stop binge eating. I'm going to start tommorow, and I confess, I'm very nervous. It will be first time stopping my overeating without dieting or excercising. I might get paranoid. I might mess up. But I will do my best. God is watching over me, and it was because of Him that he led me confess my problem and to this website with such wonderful people who are supportive. Reading some of your stories stories have encouraged me, and has given me the strength to begin my recovery of BED. Thank you so much. </p> <p>Wish me luck! <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/purple-storms-journal#post-75605 Thu, 24 Jun 2010 20:59:16 +0000 purplestorm77 75605@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>i have many things to be grateful for and feeling good with this week. i have reached my goal of going to the gym twice so far, whereas i had fallen off of the wagon for a few weeks previously. prior to this relapse and 15 pound weight gain, i had been going to the gym 4-5 times a week for 5-6 months. i have NOT binged this week for the first time in months that i've made it four days in a row. the food/nutrition hasn't been perfect but as corny as it sounds i am feeling o.k. with the mantra of "progress not perfection". it allows me to wake up tomorrow morning being able to look myself in the mirror and not hate myself, not feel physically uncomfortable or "hung over" and not push away my fiance. also the usa beat algeria in the world cup, this really was a wonderful burst of joy in the middle of the week, thank you landon donovan and the team. i do still want to eat something more tonight. i am however not hungry. why? is it just because i have the apartment to myself tonight so i feel like i can eat more? c. knows not to comment on anything that i eat and he is very supportive, so why do i still want to eat MORE when he's gone...like i can "get away with it" or something? there's a feeling of shame and hiding and sneaking around that i have with food...so i think the days he works late i tend to have trouble. ugh... i just want to "not care" about food like the next person.<br /> just this moment, just this breath </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/carmillas-thoughts#post-74226 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 14:57:56 +0000 Carmilla 74226@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>This is the first time I posted on this forum. I've been reading through others' posts - so much pain out there, and so much good sense also.</p> <p>I've had a binge eating disorder so long that I am beginning to wonder if I can ever really recover (I'm an alcoholic "in recovery" incidentally - when I gave up booze I just transferred my addiction to food). I am so SO tired of struggling with food every single day! I often go to bed wanting not to wake in the morning - I know this is a wicked thing to say, but I'm just plain worn out with it all. I do try hard and some days are good, but they're increasingly outnumbered by the bad days. I'm around 14 pounds overweight at the moment. People who are a lot overweight might think "well, what's she worrying about?" but it's not about weight, is it - not really - it's about the total lack of control around food.</p> <p>I normally work as a secretary, but recently lost my job through redundancy. I used to have huge secret binges at work and I would put this down to the stress of the job. But now I have huge secret binges at home, and I've been trying to pretend that this is due to the stress of NOT having a job! - but the truth is a binger just looks for a reason to binge, whatever the circumstances.</p> <p>I have recently been indulging in a secret fantasy of being able to have some sort of medical treatment which would enable me to survive without ever having to eat a single thing, ever again. How sick is this? Why would any sane person want this?</p> <p>My husband knows I have problems and he's very supportive, but I feel bad banging on about the same well-worn topic all the time. He's heard it all so many times before, and he doesn't know what to do to help me, much as he would like to.</p> <p>I always present a positive, cheerful personality to people outside my family. Friends describe me as upbeat and easy-going. They don't know what a mess I am inside.</p> <p>Sorry this is such a whiny, self-pitying post. I am feeling really gloomy today. It is a relief to be able to express myself to others who understand the problem.</p> <p>Thanks for reading! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/losts-2nd-journal#post-82658 Mon, 09 Aug 2010 16:24:09 +0000 Lost 82658@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>To my binge monster,</p> <p>You have ruined so much. In 2008 I finally decided to begin to fight back against anorexia, after it had made me so ill physically and mentally and had taken so much from me - my health, my happiness, my friends, my boyfriend, the ability to laugh and socialise and years of my life which were spent in hospital, on bed rest, being tube fed, under section. So when I decided I wanted to try and fight back, this should have been a very positive thing. I should have began to appreciate feeling better physically through slow and controlled weight gain. I should have experienced a growing confidence and happiness as I began to build a life for myself, setting up a new home and returning to university. But because of you, the binge monster, that isnt what happened.</p> <p>Instead, the weight went on fast, and scared me, and made me feel out of control. I began to regret my decisions, and my self hatred GREW. I gained so much weight as you gained more and more power that I actually became OVERWEIGHT. So then I became scared of seeing anyone who had seen me when I was under weight, what would they think of me now?! So I hid indoors, feeling to fat to go outside. I was isolated once again, no social life, very few real friends. Every morning I would wake up, feeling sick and bloated, vowing not to carry on binging. But by the evening you always talked me round, you tricked me into thinking I needed you, I needed to binge. You made me abuse myself. You made me lose respect for myself. I hated you being in control. One day I was so scared of what you were doing to me, so convinced you would control me forever, that I decided to take my own life and took an overdose. That weekend I lay in the hospital bed feeling sick to the stomach, hating you, hating myself for letting you take over, but not understanding how I could get through this. Some months now since that happened, I am begining to see how I might get rid of you, and gain some control back so that YOU CANNOT CONTROL ME ANYMORE. I am tired of having an eating didorder in any form, and I want to know who I am without one.</p> <p>So, good bye binge monster. I know you won't go without a fight, you will rear your ugly head a number of times while I am fighting for you to leave. But just so you know, even if you win a few battles, you will not win the war. because I respect myself, my life and my body enough to know that no matter how hard it is, you have got to leave.</p> <p>L. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/karens-journal#post-85944 Wed, 25 Aug 2010 16:27:54 +0000 yeni 85944@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello I'm new here.<br /> A brief history of me is that I'm from the UK. I was put on a diet by my parents at 5 years old. I wasn't fat, but just normal puppy fat. When I look at my photos I wonder what they thought the problem was. They were pretty obsessed. At 11 years old and fully grown in height, I was 7 and a half stones ( 105 pounds) and I put myself on a diet. I was a dancer and had danced from a child being on stage at the age of five. I lost half a stone going to 98 pounds and was then technically underweight for my height. I did this as I had to be skinny for dancing according to my parents, dance teachers and fellow dancer.<br /> During my teenage years I won many national dance competitions and my mothers obsession with my weight and constantly being called fat by both my parents and dance teacher and school friends (who picked up on my weakness) took its toll on my self esteem. I was normal weight and would look in the mirror constantly, but couldn't see that fat they were talking about. That is because it wasn't there! I have photos from that era and once again, I look oh so very normal. When I think about their behaviour and my vulnerability it makes me so sad.<br /> Fast forward I'm now 47 years old and double that weight. 15 stones. 36 years of torturing myself is now over. Dieting did not work. It in fact double my weight, made me eat more as I hate restriction and rebell against it and comfort ate to deal with every uncomfortable emotion. I tried so many times to diet and failed . There wasn't the help out there that there is today.<br /> So today I freed myself from dieting . I won't be doing that again.<br /> I'm looking forward to making friend on this forum, and mentally freeing myself from the diet torture and eating normally. For the first time ever. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/johnny-boy#post-86915 Tue, 31 Aug 2010 13:00:25 +0000 John 86915@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I got tired of my existing diary, and it feels like it's time to turn over a new leaf. I want to turn over a new leaf on my eating as well, but it's hard these days. I'm stuck in a body I'd rather not have, and I punish myself by overeating. There's some irony there. I started back at the YMCA after a week or more away. I started with swimming. I have a friend who's reminding me from time to time about my goal of getting in better shape. I don't think that he completely understands my BED, but he tries. ~John </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/jillians-journal#post-74887 Sat, 19 Jun 2010 14:37:58 +0000 Jillian 74887@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi everyone... </p> <p>My name is Jillian and I'm 21 years old. I've been struggling with eating disorders since I was 12 or 13. I was always at a healthy and normal weight, but I became anorexic for a couple years in middle school and ended up really skinny. Right before I entered high school, my eating swung in the opposite direction and I regained all the weight back that I'd lost and then some. Thus began my struggle with binge eating disorder. And it has been an ongoing battle ever since. For years I have swung back and forth between starving and stuffing myself. </p> <p>My senior year in high school I lost a lot of weight and finally felt comfortable with the way that I looked. And that lasted for the next two years, until I started college and everything fell apart. I had a really hard time my first semester of college as I was coming off a year of travel, hating where I was, and dealing with a lot of drama between my parents. I felt really out of place and unstable and like I had nothing dependable in my life. Unfortunately I turned to eating BIG TIME and gained 15 pounds in just a few months. I just couldn't stop. I felt so terrified and lonely and uncomfortable with my life. It is now almost TWO years later and I have been trying this entire time to lose that extra weight brought on by binging and get back to normal. I know it's not about the food or the weight. I know it is because I feel lost in life right now and don't have a good community or support system. But it is still uncomfortable for me to have this extra weight to carry around that doesn't feel like me and doesn't belong there! </p> <p>I have been trying to listen to my body and eat intuitively. I've probably tried every diet I can think and we all know those don't work, so I am just going to continue to try to eat when I'm hungry and be comfortable with the feelings that scare me. </p> <p>I've been looking at this site for awhile and really like what I see--I'm hoping some of you can consistently keep me accountable. Do you think it is helpful to list what I'm eating and keep a food log? Or does that put too much focus on the food? That's what I'm really trying to get away from--I just want to eat like a normal person who doesn't think about food! I'd love some input <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/olivias-journal#post-80430 Sun, 25 Jul 2010 17:03:13 +0000 livvv 80430@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey everyone, I'm new here. The name's Olivia.<br /> So all throughout high school I was your typical overachiever. I got good marks, played on every sports team, and had many friends and a great social life. However sometime in grade 12 I started to binge eat, and it slowly took over my life. I stopped hanging out with friends so I could stay home and binge, and after a binge I would be so upset and disgusted with myself that I wouldn't leave my room or want to be seen by anyone.<br /> This has been going on for about 2 years now, all throughout my first year university, which was a complete bust do to the fact that I would just sit in my dorm room alone and binge.<br /> I'm tired of this disorder taking over my life, and I would really like to get my life back! Reading all your journals has been really inspiring and I'm really excited to start. If anyone has any helpful tips or ideas that work for them, it would be much appreciated.<br /> Thanks so much.<br /> My new life starts today <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/laurens-journal#post-42185 Sun, 04 Oct 2009 13:19:45 +0000 Lauren 42185@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I've decided to start a journal because I feel that coming on here and talking about the issues I face each day are helping me overcome this ED.</p> <p>Today is my 9th day binge free and I feel really good! I am really trying to do this whole intuitive eating thing and trying not to think about weight loss by avoiding counting calories or stepping on a scale. Now I do admit I tried on a couple pairs of pants last night to see if they were looser and I have occasionally caught myself at the end of the day trying to figure out around how many calories a day I've had but I say progress is progress. The fact that I am eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full IS progress! The fact that I have NO forbidden foods right now is progress. And the fact that I am making social plans instead of isolating myself all the time is progress. So even though each day is a challenge I feel like I am heading in the right direction for the first time in a long time. </p> <p>Yesterday I met a friend at a cafe/bakery and it was the first plans with a friend I have made in months. I had a really nice time hanging out with her and really it didn't cause near the amount of anxiety that I thought it would. I had about 1/3 of a vegan chocolate peanut butter bar and felt satisfied and not tempted to binge at all so thats great! I don't know why most of the time I would prefer to be alone watching movies, TV or reading then hanging out with people but hopefully during this process I can relearn how to enjoy being with other people. Who would have thought that this antisocial girl was once on homecoming court in high school lol. I guess thats actually a good thing because if I think back to the completely different social girl I was 8 years ago that means that I can be completely different than how I am now 5 years from now. That means I don't have to be a binge eater forever! Its just going to take a little work...</p> <p>I was suppose to work today but they put me on-call so I think I am going to go get a Soy Latte from Starbucks and enjoy the rest of this Sunday.</p> <p>I look forward to eating what I want, when I'm hungry, and having a healthy relationship with food! I wish everyone luck in their journey and hope we all keep progressing to a life uncontrolled by BED! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/julianas-journl#post-86576 Sun, 29 Aug 2010 16:12:22 +0000 Juliana 86576@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi all,</p> <p>I just want to say that this site has already made me feel so much better about my struggles, and has helped me handle them in a much more constructive way. </p> <p>I find so much inspiration in EVERY SINGLE ONE of you guys!! This disease has been so isolating, and coming on here already makes it feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off my shoulders!</p> <p>I hope that in making this journal, I will find myself, not not revert to eating disordered behaviors, and finally overcome this disease!</p> <p>Just to you all know, I am a college student, and today I have been...struggling <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> <br /> For the past week I KNOW I have not been eating enough as well as exercising too much - it's affected me physically and emotionally, not to mentioned screwed with my metabolism (which is messed up ENOUGH, thank you)<br /> So...I just ate an entire bag of toasted Ritz chips as well as a chicken flavored 'cup noodle' <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> <br /> And you know what? I actually don't feel SUPER bad about it, because I knew that I could only go on restricting for long - I'm not even sure how to categorize this, because I feel uncomfortable yes, but am not planning on eating more.<br /> This "snack" started due to true hunger, and I think I can even manage a "normal" dinner with friends!</p> <p>I LOVE how intuitive eating is so advocated on this site, and it's something I need to (re)learn!<br /> I just know I need to get out of this HORRIBLE cycle where I have these OCD-ish behaviors <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> <br /> Just feeling a little bit vulnerable now....but I want to be strong <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> <p>Wish you all the best,<br /> -Juliana </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/zoloft-to-help-manage-eating#post-87385 Thu, 02 Sep 2010 13:58:21 +0000 amarie 87385@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I've been seeing a counselor and she is trying to get me to take Zoloft. She said it has been proven to help control eating. Has anyone tried it? Any luck? </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/so-first-step-admit-i-have-a-problem#post-59042 Sat, 13 Feb 2010 08:52:41 +0000 Ecu 59042@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi everyone,</p> <p>Im new here too and well I have no clue what are the steps I have to follow. Guess the first step is to admit that I do have a problem. I eat without reason and not really knowing what the taste is, nor how much I really eat. I eat when I feel down, when I feel bored, and alone. I eat after I have already had lunch (sweets specially). I feel the need of having something sweet after lunch. I´ve thought there might be something wrong in my brain or in my blood. I´ve done some research on the internet and found out that the lack of chromium can be the reason why I need to have sweets at that moment of the day.<br /> <a href="http://www.dietitian.com/chromium.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.dietitian.com/chromium.html</a><br /> Anyway, I´ve tried this <a href="http://www.althealth.co.uk/product/details/pharma_nord/bio_chromium/90_tabs/" rel="nofollow">http://www.althealth.co.uk/product/details/pharma_nord/bio_chromium/90_tabs/</a> and the recommended dose (100 micrograms)does not help me at all. I think if I could have a bit of control at that moment of the day I would not end up doing what I do.</p> <p>I started binge eating when I was like 12-14. I used to spend a lot of time alone at home and felt ...alone. So I went to the kitchen to grab something to eat, but it was non-stop. I gained weight and that was such a self-damaging cycle (and during a very fragile period of a person´s life). So I felt alone and ate. Gained weight and people weren´t nice to me because of my appearance and back to eat and eat. So now I started taking perspective, watching back to the root, I am more conscient of the root of the problem. It has a lot to do with the image I have, with the relationships I had when I was younger, and I have to admit I do not feel like being able to talk about this with a doctor, mainly because there are not many doctors who know how to deal with BED... and I still cry a lot and feel blocked when trying to talk about this. The only person I could talk about this is my boyfriend and as I said, still getting tears from my eyes everytime I try to talk about it. We have been looking for info about BED so I can get over it. I bought the e-book from endbingeeating.com - hope that helps me too (has anybody read that? did it help you?)</p> <p>Last year I got rid off 20 pounds, I was controlled by a doctor. After 5 months I started eating whatever I wanted. I decided to not see the doctor last month as I felt I coudn´t get the help I needed from her, as I didn´t know then that my problem has always been BED. At this point, I think the best for me could be talk about the issues I have with my boyfriend as he is the only one I trust to talk about this matters face to face. Hope this forum gets me some answers to clear up my mind.</p> <p>So I would appreciate if someone could give me some advice. </p> <p>Thank you </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/dreamer#post-83259 Fri, 13 Aug 2010 11:08:06 +0000 Dreamer 83259@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey everyone,</p> <p>I decided to start a new journal seeing as how I am not so "new" anymore. As for the "Trying" part...still working on that. </p> <p>Lauren and Liv, thanks so much for your help. I work at a gym...</p> <p>I work at a gym. I am going to be teaching classes and doing some personal training eventually. That's pretty much terrifying for me. I am constantly hating myself for not looking the way I should. I absolutely hate telling people that I plan on being a trainer, because it's embarrassing! Trainers are supposed to be in great shape and practice what they preach. But that's what's so hard about this disorder. No one knows that I have it, so they just look at me and must see that I don't practice what I preach. That I don't work out all the time and eat well. They have no idea how much I have pushed myself to eat perfectly and have the perfect body, which of course, is the reason I don't look and eat the way I should now. It's really an awful situation. </p> <p>And of course it was right before I graduated that I finally decided to get some help and admit that it wasn't just a dieting issue. But since it took me so long to get to that point, I have no time now to work on it before I get thrown into the situation of being constantly judged and looked at. It's so tough. It's part of what is making recovery so hard for me. I ALWAYS have that pressure, and can't get away from it. I am trying so hard to not let I get to me, but that's way easier said than done. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/doodlebugsmummys-journal#post-86464 Sun, 29 Aug 2010 03:03:13 +0000 Doodlebugsmummy 86464@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi everyone</p> <p>I am all new to this and today is the day my road to recovery begins!<br /> I have been bingeing for as long as I can remember and it really has now taken over my life. It's stopping me from doing so much as I am so ashamed of my weight and body.</p> <p>I really don't know what triggers my binge's - I know what food does but not the reasons behind it. I am happily married, have a wonderful daughter and a great job!<br /> I don't have many friends anymore that I spend time with but thats my own fault for always turning down invites due to me being embarassed about my body.</p> <p>I have tried diet after diet over the years and started my first slimming club when I was 17 (10 years ago) I just keep getting bigger and bigger though and feel so down about it all. I haven't left the house for 4 days as I feel so down and tired and its really not fair on my daughter - she's only 2 and needs to be in the fresh air.</p> <p>I really feel ready to do something about this as life really is passing me by but I am also scared and anxious that I just wont ever be able to get over this.</p> <p>Thank you so much for reading, I really do want to beat this and get my life back. xxx </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/hopefuls-journal-1#post-86833 Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:45:28 +0000 hopeful15 86833@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hello -- I just stumbled across this site while searching the web looking for some help. I need to stop binge eating, and I haven't been able to make the changes necessary in the past to do so. I am really hopeful that the members here will be able to provide me with some tips, inspiration and support, and I'll try to do the same for you. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/im-over-it#post-81827 Wed, 04 Aug 2010 02:59:18 +0000 maia 81827@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi there<br /> This is my first time on anything like this so not sure how it all works but i can't believe there are so many out there like me!!! It is such a 'secret' thing that eats away at us.<br /> It is hitting a peak for me and literally consuming my thoughts all the time and if I don't break through this i will go insane i think!!!!<br /> I have always been overweight and the 'big' one of my family. I had serious feet/leg problems from 0-5yrs old and spent much time in hospital and on the sideline not being able to walk - but the surgeons did an AMAZING job and I did become a fully active child and now adult but i feel that affected me emotionally and physically and still does!!! Not to mention all the teasing at school and being the odd one out with my gorgeous trim 3 siblings!! Actually the teasing never stops - I was sent into a spiral only a month ago a 'new' friend of my husbands publically ridiculed me and my weight at a bbq and I was soooo embarrassed and cried for the whole weekend afterwards and of course you know what else I did and have been hard to stop it on a daily basis since - it triggered some deeper stuff. And I'm nearly 40 yrs old!!!! WHEN WILL THIS STOP????!!! Some people are so mean and hence he is not a friend anymore!!<br /> Then my gorgeous beautiful 4 yr old boy yesterday "Mummy why have you got a fat tummy" I mean we never even say those word at our house - huh?!!<br /> i have yo-yoed all my life - 3 times loosing a huge amount of weight (@18kilos 40lbs) only to put it back on, and some. I have realised now (nearly 40 yrs old) that the quick fix and strict dieting doesn't work so I went to a nutritionist and over the last 3 years i have lost 15 kilos (33lbs) slowly - but this still involved calorie counting and I'm still bingeing, although not as much and as big. so I am well on the way to recovery but am stuck. I have 10 kilos (22lbs) to go to my goal but I just CAN NOT get there and it is literally giving me a pain the chest when i think about it. I have been plateuing for 1 1/2 yrs now and spending a bloody fortune at the nutritionist and have finally realised that that doesn't work for me anymore and I have to work on my mind and emotions as I am still bingeing - like a mini binge every day from 3-6 pm and then on the weekends, otherwise I am in control and eating so well - oh except for family get togethers, in fact any social get togethers (family ones worse!!!), weekends away, birthdays etc etc etc etc................ so I have become an expert at maintaining my weight. I am a stay at home mum and am tired and hungry from 3-6pm every day and this is DANGER zone as I'm in the kitchen around food cooking for my son.......................so i end up having 2 dinners and snacking constantly??!!!<br /> I have gone head first into research on the 'psychological' aspects of this and i am starting to see the light!!!! Have just read a magic book by an Australian author Dr George Blair-West - Weight Loss for Food Lovers. Anyone read it? And have just downloaded the e-book from this site -Stop Binge Eating and Start Loosing Weight E Book and loving it. I want to start implementing the steps and I thought posting here would help.<br /> So here's hoping this will tip me over the edge into recovery and help get me to my goal - OH MY I will feel sooooooooooooo elated if I finally get there and stay there - I have that glimmer of hope that it is possible..................................!!!<br /> I feel like I am rambling and am finding it extremely hard yet extremely therapeutic to write all this stuff down and doesn't matter if no-one reads it.<br /> when i read all the comments on here it makes me feel like i want to be kinder to myself................lots of love - arohanui <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/nervous-to-do-this#post-74249 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 18:05:15 +0000 Jenn 74249@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi i'm 17 years old...i've been reading some of the stories and got the nerve to sign up..i'm still not sure to do thismy heart it's beating frantically but i know it's the right thing if i want to overcome my overeating...so here it goes..my story..<br /> Last year I got in a diet 'cause i didin't like how chubby i was (118 pounds...what i wouldn't give to be at that weight now...)..so i lost 9 pounds and everything was a great i felt amazing with my new weight 109 i was so proud of my self..but then i got obsessed with the idea that if i had been able to loose 9 pounds why couldn't i shed some 4 or 5 more right? well i couldn't have been more wrong..'cause that where my nightmare with food begins..i went on a summer vacation by myself to my grandmother's and like usually nobody was home i stopped eating and when i did i felt self conscious about it..even if i ate a salad i had the need and once tried to throw up but i guess it was too hard for me so i just stop eating and after a while every time i looked myself in the mirror i hated the picture i saw... even though i'd managed to loose 2 more pounds....but then my parents arrived and i HAD to get used to eating again and that was SO SO hard..but i did it..after school started i was back to my old me..not worrying so much...but still obsessed about my weight but not so much....Then after a little while i went to my gynecologist ('cause of my period it wasn't regular) so the doctor prescribed me some anti-conceptive 'cause he said i had PCOS..the first thing he told me was "Huh..It's weird your not fat"....well i think he actually jinxed me (kidding:P) cause i didn't stay that way for long..so imagine me an obsessed girl gaining weight...yeah pretty harsh.....after six months and 12 pounds gained my mom decided that i should quit the pill..i was thrilled about it 'till i got my bonus 5 MORE POUNDS!! and after that i guess i went to being more or less Anorexic to being a binge eater...for a while i blamed the pills but now i truly accept that i have BED..cause i've been of the pill fo about 8/9 motnhs..so that's my story </p> <p>I want to stop this i want to stop eating thing just for the "fun " of it..and i would appreciate some support 'cause honestly i can't tell my family..seriously can't so please help me </p> <p>ohh btw i'm 130 pounds 5'1 ft<br /> thanxs really thanx for reading i know it's kindda to long...i guess i got excited..well not really i guess i really had a lot in me more than i thought y had<br /> thanks... </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/my-daily-battle#post-82438 Sun, 08 Aug 2010 03:35:56 +0000 lina 82438@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>hi everybody.<br /> for the millionth time i've had enough. i'm fed up. i feel suicidal so many times after a binge. these horrible feelings are getting the better of me.<br /> I am starting this journal to let you all in to my private life, the struggles , the battle, the self ,loathing the secrets that dictate my life all to do with a four letter word - food.<br /> my young teenage years i was a normal weight, happy, ate quite alot of junk but i was happy. i was happy with my life.<br /> until it all began.<br /> thinking back to it now, i never admitted it but i developed anorexia. it started with a sheer obsession with being healthy, i counted calories down to the bone. i would weigh out every piece of fruit i ate so i could not go over my daily 1700 cal allowance. i started becoming obsessive and never leaving the house because i couldn't eat anything outside of the house because i wouldnt know how many calories were in foods. i ate in private for 6 months, not one meal shared with family or friends. luckily i was able to escape this destructiveness and am very proud of myself for it, as many ppl struggle 4 years with anorexia. i couldnt handle the comments about my weight loss anymore, ppl saying i was ano and need to it, and me convincing them i DO eat, but i just liked healthy good. i then swung on the opposite pendulum and began bingeing in attempt to gain weight (mind u i was not underweight, at my lowest i was 50 kg). i gained 6 kg over 6 mnths which is healthy weight and i am still at that weight today. i went on CRAZY binges and still do. i ate 15 weetbix and 4 bananas for breakfast. 8 pieces of toast, half a block of cheese and half a whole jar of peanut butter. my stomach would explode i just wanted to escape the world and just be in peace. some weeks would be better then others. for a month i started doing well again but thats because i was counting calories therefore my allotment was set, i knew what i would be eating. but i'm back to the bingeing now. i never go to bed at night or wake up without thinking about the days meals, always trying to get the maximum amount of nutrients in, when i have a good day i'm fine. i feel strong and accomplished. but when something does not go to plan, i binge and binge and binge. the remorse is ruining me, i've lost all hope and i'm here as a last resort. i've tried everything , i envy all my friends, even though i may eat healthier foods then them, stress is never escaping me, i can never just sit in peace because food and weight and health is always on my mind. i get anxious to leave the house for the whole day without snacks because when hunger strikes, i may have to give in to a slightly less healthy meal, and when i do i feel guilty and will trigger a binge. i'm going to blog here daily and share my life with you guys.<br /> any support is appreciate entirely. you guys sound fantastic so i'm excited to start this journey of recovery. its not going to be easy but i think in due time, with sharing my emotions here i will be able to lead a normal life, does anyone have faith in me?<br /> xxxx </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/emmas-journal-2#post-81830 Wed, 04 Aug 2010 05:49:22 +0000 ev 81830@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>hi there everyone. i hope everyone is feeling strong and positive.</p> <p>today was a reasonable day. i was very tired and ate regularly and all good clean food.today was a mentally tough day. feeling quite negative and scared of food. its so hard trying to banish all the negative self talk. but every day is getting better.<br /> i nearly lost it at about 3pm today. i work in a cancer centre and we get so many choclates and biscuits and treats from patients. most days im ok, but usually one day and sometimes 2 days i go crazy and it spirals out of control. today i had a handful of chocolates but managed to stop a full on binge. i went to gym and had a great workout and made fish and salad for dinner. even though in my head i wanted to not eat.</p> <p>everyday when i wake up, i feel scared. scared i will spiral out of control. it seems to be this 3pm period especially when im fatigued and run down.</p> <p>today I ate<br /> B: all bran and an egg white omelette<br /> S:pear and some natural yoghurt<br /> L: pumpkin soup, one slice of grainy bread and some fruit<br /> S:protein shake, one rice cakes and some chocoaltes<br /> D:large salad and some fish</p> <p>i am in need of some tips for this afternoon binge that happens. seems to be twice a week at the moment.<br /> xxx </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/cjs-a-journal#post-82946 Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:58:23 +0000 CJS 82946@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Let me preface this post by stating that I am new, skeptical and incredibly scared. I have no other place to seek help, and joining an online forum seems like a last resort to me at this time. I don't know what else to do. But after reading other topics on this forum it seems like everyone on here has created a great, supportive, and accepting community which might be the right thing at this time. And while I have started and failed at keeping dozens of journals, I wouldn't dare give up or try to get out of writing for other people.</p> <p>So here it goes. </p> <p>Hi, my name is Chelsea and I have suffered from B.E.D for 25 months. I have gained about twenty pounds during this time. I am only eighteen and am terrified at how long this lifestyle will continue to haunt me.</p> <p>I am embarassed and ashamed of my eating habits. I know exactly why I binge every single time. I try to talk myself out of it every single time. Yet the compulsion to eat never fails to win, leaving my physically and emotionally damaged. I decline offers to spend time with friends because of how bloated and ashamed I am. I am young, starting college at a university that I am in love with, and feel awful that I am unlike other teenagers my age. I think about food every single minute of the day, it is sickening. In the past week I cannot remember what it feels like to be hungry and not bloated. In this time in my life I cannot keep having this problem hold me back anymore</p> <p>My parents, who I am currently living with until I go to school, know. Yet they don't seem to care. Junk food is everywhere in the house, and although they find my bowls, wrappers and etc. everywhere, my mom simply bitches "were you EATING last night??" as if I had committed some felony and how fat i'm getting. Which, of course, only makes me want to eat more.</p> <p>I have tried therapy with someone my father, who is in the medical proffession, picked out. But she never really helped at all, my binges only escalated, and I stopped seeing her. That was a year ago.</p> <p>None of my friends know. I'm too afraid to talk to anyone about it and I feel so fat and alone. Funny how you see yourself now, and then look to pictures from a year ago when during that time you thought you we're fat, and only wish you were that size currently. </p> <p>I am usually an optimistic person, and I know that this post is quite negative, but I am at my wits end and am so so desperate. I actually also love to excersise but because of a foot problem my Mom has forbidden my one to two hour boxing workouts. </p> <p>I know the steps to overcome this (it is quite French), and I believe starting college will be a great help to this, but I need your support and help.</p> <p>-No foods are off limits<br /> -You can eat what you want, in moderation<br /> -You can eat what you want, but slowly and sitting down, thinking about the food you are eating<br /> -When you are about to binge, following these steps:<br /> <em>one</em>- take a breath and count twenty seconds before you start eating, why are you doing it?<br /> <em>two</em>- once you have realized the problem, what else can you do besides binge? Go and tackle the problem<br /> <em>three-</em> if you still feel compulsed to eat, remember that a quick ten to thirty minute food high will have you feeling like shit the rest of the day, not to mention bloating, gas, "food hangovers", horrible self esteem, and feeling lazy which will only make you want to eat more. Or look in the mirror and talk to yourself instead of just thinking not to eat for a more tangible effect.</p> <p>-Chelsea </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/my-story-5#post-72027 Tue, 01 Jun 2010 07:37:25 +0000 L 72027@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Binge eating disorder is one of the toughest challenges to overcome. I know the signs, I know what I should do to stop a binge when I'm feeling vulnerable to one, and I know the damaging effects it has on my body and my blood sugar. But somehow, I cannot overcome the compulsion to overeat.</p> <p>It's like I've gotten so used to feeling stuffed after I eat that as soon as I feel a little bit hungry, I feel like I need to eat. I don't know what it's like to live normally, to recognise true hunger signals, and to be able to keep food around without eating it all in one sitting.</p> <p>I have been through periods of recovery. From December of last year till the end of January this year, I overcame my disorder. I ate when I was hungry, and I didn't binge. Instead of always trying to control exactly how much I ate and when, I listened to my body, so some days I ate more than others. The best things about my recovery were that I felt safer around food, and I lost weight - quickly, but naturally. I also looked healthier, and emotionally and physically I felt better. Two months may not seem like a long time, but for someone suffering from this disorder for three years, it was a pretty big deal.</p> <p>But then it ended. Early February I binged for the first time, and since then, I've been trapped in a vicious cycle. I started to binge at least once a week. And now, as the months have gone by, they're getting worse. I binge for two days straight, or only manage to go about three or four days without bingeing. I'm gaining weight now, so the new clothes that I could fit into during my holiday are just becoming tighter.</p> <p>The thing is that I can feel this, and I want to stop it, but somehow I can't. I don't remember what I did last time to start my recovery, but I wish I did. I don't want to live this way.</p> <p>When I binge, I hide away from the world. At university, that is bad enough, but missing class from time to time isn't that bad in the bigger picture. But when I go work next year, I want to feel confident and look good - and I can't do that as long as I have this secret.</p> <p>I have considered telling my GP or going for therapy, but I don't have the willpower to confess my secret. I feel ashamed of myself, and of my body. Why do I lack control?</p> <p>The worst thing for me right now is knowing that I'm in the relapse phase, and thinking that if I wasn't, I'd be close to seven months recovery now. Instead, I feel terrible, and I don't even know how to start again so that I can at least get myself up to a month.</p> <p>But I know that it is possible to recover again. This time last year I also thought recovery would never be possible, not even for two weeks. But I recovered once, which means I can do it again.</p> <p>I'm sharing this story to show others that there is hope, that somewhere there will be a light. But I'm also sharing it because I need your help, I need motivation from others who understand the difficulties of this disorder - the guilt, the discomfort, the low self-esteem. So if anyone has anything to share, I would appreciate your support.</p> <p>Thanks for taking the time to read this<br /> L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/lizs-new-journal#post-68249 Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:36:55 +0000 Hope777 68249@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey guys,<br /> I left this forum for a little while due to the fact that my life got incredibility busy. Although I have not binged, i have been feeling terrible about my body and about life in general. I have also done a little emotional eating, nothing too huge but not eating out of hunger. A couple things could have caused this..<br /> 1. I am almost through with my junior year in college and it feel like i have to face real life soon. I have no idea what i want to do with it.<br /> 2. Its almost summer time and i am going to be at home..A lot of my friends are leaving and getting internships and such and i feel like i will be bored at home..My boyfriend is also going back home, whom i spend a lot of time with..<br /> 3. Still feeling like i have social anxiety and i am pretty shy around people. Although i have made progress with this i have a little trouble<br /> 4. I have just been feeling depressed in general. Maybe this is because i am not bingeing and i am feeling emotions i usually hide..<br /> 5.Saw lots of pictures of myself on face-book this weekend. I think that i look totally fat and terrible. This makes me sad bc i THOUGHT i was making progress but obviously not..</p> <p>I really just want to be happy and live my life. I dont know why i am feeling so depressed. I also just want to like me body but its so hard. I felt much happier when i was apart of this forum so I am coming back. I decided that i also have a few goals. </p> <p>1. figure out what i want to do with my life and move towards that.<br /> 2. Find peace with myself, LOVE myself..LOVE MY BODY<br /> 3. be myself all the time. stop being so shy!</p> <p>Soo sorry for the debbie downer post..Just needed to get that out.. thanks guys</p> <p>~ Liz </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/new-member-seek-emotional-eating-buddies#post-84405 Thu, 19 Aug 2010 08:20:59 +0000 browardwoman30 84405@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I am seeking Daily mutual support in getting to the root of why and how we allow our eating patterns/habits to be influenced by our emotions. Lastly, I am seeking buddies who are ready to one step at a time confront the underlying issues we try to ignore, and seek new positive habits to replace emotional eating. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/journal-3#post-87373 Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:49:47 +0000 fixingmyself 87373@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>According to the Meyers-Briggs personality test I am an INFP-an Idealist-someone who makes decisions (often going to extremes) to stay in line with their moral values. Someone who doesn't often criticize others, but finds its easy to be hard on themselves. Someone who lives in an ideal world, and strives to reach that world in actuality.</p> <p>Meyers-Briggs is just a test. But, it has me nailed almost to a T. </p> <p>Why am I bringing this up, you may ask. Well, because introductions get old, and always say the same thing. Because I am taking an educational leadership class at my University and just got these results back, and so I find them interesting at the moment. Because, they have something to do with my emotional eating disease. </p> <p>Last summer, a little over one year ago, I became vegan. My moral values demanded that of me, because it was the only way I could reconcile my love for animals, my desire for health and thinness, and my idealism for the world in one swoop. It lasted for 8 months, I lost 20 pounds and looked great, I started my semester abroad in the land of the kilts, and I met my current boyfriend. Eventually I realized that so far north, people lived off of cheese and meat. And, more importantly for me, the dairy cows were happy. They didn't live on top of one another in factory farms, but roamed the pentland hills in northern Scotland. As the days got shorter, the winter got colder, and I got less and less motivated to be a healthy vegan. I lived off processed food, and I stopped working out. I felt unhealthy. I had my first experience with SAD--which is very real--and started binging. I decided that my body needed dairy for protein, so I broke with veganism and because a dairy loving vegetarian. And, doing so I cracked down on myself, beating myself up for breaking with the morals that I did, and still do, identify so strongly with. So I binged more. I remember going to ScotMid and buying 3 candy bars, 3 granola bars, bags of nuts, and granola, and eating it all. My flatmate came home with peanut butter from an American base, a huge jar of Peter Pan peanut butter, and I sneakily ate it all. I gained weight, and lost confidence. </p> <p>When I went home I thought they change of scene would be all I needed to break the cycle. But emotional stress in the family, along with a uber-long distance relationship pushed my binge eating to a new high. </p> <p>I'm still stuck in this cycle, and I want to end it. I don't know where to start. I feel hopeless, and I need help. Today I threw up for the first time after eating about 20 homemade cookies--one of the biggest binges in a few months. </p> <p>It was the last straw. </p> <p>I'm ready to change. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/joyces-journal#post-42607 Tue, 13 Oct 2009 23:47:06 +0000 Joyce 42607@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>It feels so horrible having to tell that you binged two days out of the last three. I just don't understand why I can't stop when I want to so badly. I don't even know what triggered the binges. I am so angry at myself and embarrassed too! I really didn't want to post anything tonight but I knew that I had to. This is my last chance for help. I don't want to give up the fight and let the binges take over. I'll continue to make my entries in this journal and confess my weaknesses, and maybe I'll be able to share some victories too. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/jamies-journal#post-70053 Mon, 17 May 2010 14:31:15 +0000 Jayme 70053@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Today is day 1. Like every other start of the cycle, I am feeling motivated and determined to conquer BED. But after 6 or 7 days of good eating, it never fails.. I give in and binge on a discusting amount of sweets.</p> <p>I am hoping this journal will hold me accountable for the choices I'm making and help me to stop this uncontrollable eating.. once and for all.</p> <p>I AM going to stop this.. and I AM going to get my life back. <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> <p>Who's with me?! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/just-wanted-to-say#post-87360 Thu, 02 Sep 2010 10:27:58 +0000 CameToBelieve 87360@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>On Tuesday night, I was able to enjoy a moderate-sized piece of chocolate mousse cake without it leading to a binge. I <strong>DID NOT</strong> feel guilty, and I ate it in the presence of a group of women to celebrate someone's birthday. It was delicious. I came home and did struggle a little with the desire to binge, but I am happy to say that I did not. </p> <p>I will say that I actually went in the pantry got out a pack of cookies and took a bite of a cookie and asked myself if I was really hungry and why was I eating it. Did I really, really want it? It wasn't even cookies I truly like. I threw the rest of it in the garbage and went on about my business perfectly content without the typical whirl of obsessive thoughts surrounding getting the binge fix. </p> <p>I am pretty grateful for this new-found peace. I am not certain it is here to stay, but I'll will take what I can get, for now. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/autfalls-journal#post-74936 Sat, 19 Jun 2010 21:24:12 +0000 autfall 74936@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>So I decided that I don't want to start my senior year of high school as a victim of binge eating. In fact, I don't even want to think about the word "binge" by the time September begins. I'm not sure if that's realistic, but I hope to make it as real as I possibly can. I have too much going for me that I should still be stuffing myself with food to the point of sickness.<br /> I'm still going to count calories, I know I shouldn't, but it feels much more comfortable and easier to keep a check on my emotional hunger vs. physical hunger. I am making a promise to myself to learn intuitive eating only when I am completely ready, and I'm not going to put a time limit on when that will be.<br /> And this will be my journal. I binged today, a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I've noticed my binges have been getting worse lately, and I think it's time I try and make peace with myself instead of just getting stuck in the same give up-hate myself-cry myself to sleep-wake up nauseous pattern that I've been doing for the past year and a half.<br /> I'll post back tomorrow; I hope I'll be able to keep this attitude with me all day long. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/i-feel-sick-and-wasteful#post-87260 Wed, 01 Sep 2010 19:35:10 +0000 2much 87260@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>All I can think about is food. Foodfoodfoodfoodfoodfood. All Day. I am sick and wastful and disgusting. I eat enough to fill many people, and go through wrappers and cartons and boxes, cans, and more and more trash, to fill my habit. Only able to spew forth only some of it now, my body is growing, looming larger and larger everyday. Disgusted with life in generall, and body issues; stoppped excercise routine. All day and everday is foodfoodfoodfoodfood. Where to get it hide it cook it don't let them smell it see it. Time it for the expulsion into porceline white toilet- or try.</p> <p>I cannot imagine a life lived like this. Food is the only thing that gives me pleasure now. I am drowning in it. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/lili81s-journal#post-86505 Sun, 29 Aug 2010 09:02:45 +0000 lili81 86505@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi all,<br /> here it is my journal - I got back from holidays two days ago and feel the need to start the journal with you. I am still steadily overeating - this is a major problem I am facing; binges do not occur really, thanks god, but I do eat while I am stuffed and not hungry. </p> <p>So I must delight you with a disgusting post today : intestine issues. While I am writing, my intestine hurts from a day of too much food: too much cookies (around 9 small ones for breakfast); too much milk thank my body can put up with; too much coffee (three espresso); too much salad ... and here it is, colite comes in and it is fully caused by my eating. After that, I am dehydrated and need loads of water ; also I feel like eating more, because my body lost the nutrients as salts and minerals. Another spiral to which I am used.<br /> And indeed, I know my body but still can't respect its exigencies and real needs..</p> <p>and all my life is dreadfully affected by my serious obesity - now up to 202 lbs, and fail to take responsibility for that.<br /> I know that the right way to go about it would be starting excercising.<br /> But: I remember the last time I worked out regularly - I was staying for three months in a Nordic country, went to the gym 3 times a week for one hour workout and ended up gaining 5 kilos in three months.<br /> Indeed, I write on this forum as I feel I am so mentally constrained by my past failures, repeated mistakes, spirals of errors that I am afraid of taking any initiative which goes beyond stickin to mindful eating. But this is not relieving my pain as my obesity seriously undermines my self-esteem (or is the other way round?)</p> <p>Has anyone got through a similar impasse?<br /> Elisa </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/so-im-doing-pretty-good#post-87343 Thu, 02 Sep 2010 08:25:42 +0000 carterbv 87343@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Okay so i just had to share with everyone because i'm pretty proud of myself...i have been making sure i only eat when i'm hungry and that i don't over eat....i always ask myself if i'm really hungry or just bored/upset/etc. so last night i didn't even eat dinner because i seriously wasn't hungry, had a pretty decent lunch i'd have to say..but i also started making myself eat breakfast since i wasn't..i want to jump start my metabolism..so i eat 2 pieces of peanut butter toast for breakfast, along with my coffee and then whatever i want for lunch and if hungry later a snack and i just feel good that i can actually decide if i'm really hungry or not...that's a big step for me and the first step. I've also been exercising at work, i walk on my two 15 minute breaks and i try to get on my elliptical at night. I think i'm going to start waking up earlier, like 5am and get 15 minutes on my elliptical and then another 15 at night before bed so i can get an hour of exercise a day. Does that seem good? <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> Thanks everyone for listening...i just wanted to share. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/fed-up#post-87234 Wed, 01 Sep 2010 16:57:33 +0000 Kit. 87234@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I have absolutely completely and utterly had enough of this. This binge eating, and unhealthy OBSESSION with food is ruining my whole life. I am increasingly unsociable, and it is putting enormous strain on my relationship with my boyfriend. I spend every minute of every day thinking of food, diets and how to lose weight.. I can go from deciding to be healthy and normal, to binge eating, to deciding to stop eating altogether all in the space of half an hour. My self esteem is rock bottom, and i feel so hopeless. Where can I get help?? I'm desperate <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> xx </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/journal-2#post-87150 Wed, 01 Sep 2010 11:36:11 +0000 guilty 87150@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I am already overanalyzing what I am going to write here. What my journal's name should be and that I want to change my login name because of its negativity. I tend to create stressful situations for myself on a regular basis. I'm not sure if that can be hereditary, but my mom is the same way. </p> <p>Anyway, BED has taken over my life so many times, I really want it to stop forever. I am pretty sure it is the end product of the negative things in my life, so if I can make BED go away then I will have conquered all the other stuff - self esteem, self image, lack of confidence at work, second guessing myself all the time - an overall feeling of being trapped inside my head. I have an immense fear of being "wrong" which stems from having vrey strict parents who yelled at me a lot and occasionall hit me. I have learned through a few months of therapy I went to a year ago that by them doing that I felt as if I had no self value, that whatever was in my head was not what they wanted and so I became very quiet and did what I was told. Even then I felt like I couldn't live up to their standards. Don't get me wrong, I had a fairly "normal" childhood, but you better believe that when I left for college I was not planning on ever moving back.</p> <p>So enough background, college was when the BED started to show up. I think the main reason then was that I didn't have the strong support of my friends anymore and needed something to fill that void. School was stressful because it was hard and demanding being an engineering major. I got involved in a lot of activities to meet people and keep myself busy, but still felt like I was a zombie just going through the motions, doing what I was supposed to do. Big empty void being filled with food. It was the only thing that made me feel good, even if only for a brief while before the guilt snuck in. I would try to counter the binges with days of not eating at all or excercizing a lot. I think being away from home was opening up my eyes to all the stuff I was sheltered from by parents and numbness and was challenged to have opinions (not something I was familiar with), which was great and difficult at the same time. You know that "finding yourself" time people talk about started about mid way through my 5 years at school, and is still continuing now, but at a very slow rate. Because I spent so many years just going along with what other people told me to do, I did not know how to deal with conflict and chose to eat until the numbess returned. This was very frequent occurrence but since I was on the varcity fencing team, I worked out enough to not gain a lot of weight. So people were confused when I'd say I wanted to diet, but really what I wanted was to be in control. </p> <p>I think my BED was its worst last year, I felt so out of control. Eating was all I could think about. It interfered with my work and every day activities. I felt sick all the time and didnt want to do anything. I finally went to a therapist, which did break it up a little bit. I'm hoping writing things out and sharing them here will be another version of therapy that is more regular and full of empathy since you all know what this is like. I found this site last week after a full 5 days of nonstop eating. And writing here in a journal is at least an active step in doing something about it instead of silently suffering through it. I posted somewhere else that Monday was an eye opener for me since I got two cavities filled, something I haven't had in 10 years. So to me it was a sign that I am not taking care of myself and need to kick the bad habbits now. Yesterday I broke down and bought m&amp;ms out of the vending machine:( Mini binge for me. The vending machine is my worst enemy at work. I try to bring enough food from home to prevent its use, but sometimes the cravings win out. At least this time it wasn't 3+ trips to the vending machine. One step at a time. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/my-journal-my-cry-for-help#post-81360 Sun, 01 Aug 2010 06:32:24 +0000 GODisLOVE 81360@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey,<br /> This is my story. FIrstly, when I was 13 - I was wrongly diagnosed with Annorexia. I was just a kid. FIne with my weight and what i looked like. The Doctor suddenly told me i was a little underweight and thats where my story begins. My Mum and Dad grew obsessed with making me fatter. I had a BMI of 19, so it wasnt that underweight... I was on a sport Ban and fat-shakes diet. My mum said she was embarrassed of me - because usually our family is quite large and the term'underweight' is just considered weak. I was forced to stuff food down my throat and eat endlessly until I couldnt breathe. I knew it wasnt healthy but i couldnt avoid my parents. During this time I developed depression and anxiety because of my parents pressures on me to be fatter. Alot of home abuse also occured too.<br /> Every move i made was watched by everyoen making sure i overate and never excsersized.</p> <p>Then the doctors said i was moving into the overweight area and suddenly, nothing. my parents didnt care that i was underweight anymore and i dint know what to do with myself... i was free to eat fruit and not protein shakes and carbs anymore, and to do excersize and i was trusted to eat meals alone ...the bond between my mum was competely lost though because of the stress during the time, and i wanted her love back so i was lead to believe that eating uncontrollably would please my parents... So i did,. everyday in front of them i ate and ate but they were never pleased. </p> <p>I tried to tell my Mum that i started binge eatign adn i couldnt stop. Everday i would eat until my belly bloated and i was crying in pain and i wasnt even being forced to!! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME, I had thought. Mum didnt care. All she wants is me to be as far away from underweight as possible -even if it does mean obesity. So i kept on binging in secret because i know she doesnt understand. and now i am obsessed with being underweight again. That was the last time i was happy and so i strive for it but I have the habit that i cant get rid of!</p> <p>I have tried dieting, eating healthy full breakfasts, alturnative activities to keep myself busy, meditation and yoga and talking to a counsellor about it but nothing has helped. Whenever i eat, i always feel like i need a little more. Im not hungry. I'm bored, i think. Or maybe i'm stressed? I just know thats its a way of life now and I cant get out of this cycle. its always too hard or too much pressure.... I need motivation!!! I need my family to stop pressing these "You must be larger to be beautiful" thoughts into me because they just stress me out and cause me to binge. which is giviing them what they want which is stressing me out more. any ideas?</p> <p>SORRY IF THIS CONFUSES YOU - its quite confusing for me aswell. You should also know that i am 17 years old. therefore i still live at home... although i may be young, you can obviously tell why i havent told my parents about these issues i am having. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/eating-till-i-throw-up-help#post-86280 Sat, 28 Aug 2010 00:44:18 +0000 gmscutie137 86280@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>hi. my name is casey. i am a high schooler with a full blown ED. it started my freshman year when i had to transfer to a new school; now im a junior. I remember being a cheerleader and how everyone else seemed to be skinnier than i was, so i wanted to loose weight. what ended up happening is i would come home after a football/basketball game and just eat and eat and eat and cry cuz i didn't fit in. it was so hard. food was my crutch, and i ate till i felt like throwing up. </p> <p>So, i ended up gaining like 15 pounds that year and when summer came i never went to the pool because i was ashamed of how fat i had gotten while everyone else was skinny. and i always gain weight in the summer anyway, so my weight just escalated. </p> <p>Since then i have lost the weight, gained it back, and now i've finally lost the weight again!! The problem is everytime i loose the weight, it makes me feel like im then allowed to go back to my binge eating ways. </p> <p>I have been binging again for the past couple of weeks, i guess because school started up again. and playing soccer makes me hungry so i continue to eat and eat till im completely maxed out and feel like throwing up!!! Tonight i had poptarts 2 pieces of pizza 2 giant strawberry muffins 3 granola bars 1 zone perfect bar a peanut butter sandwhich half a can of mixed nuts wheat thins special k crisp bars oreo icecream dessert 2 glasses of milk and hamburger helper. im so sick i feel like im about to puke any second all over my laptop. but i won't. </p> <p>i do fine during the day, then after soccer practice/game i don't get home till like 7 or 8 then i binge eat till like 11 and then go to bed and try to forget about it. i just DONT WANT TO GAIN THE WEIGHT BACK!!!! PLEASE HELP ME Stop! Before its too late!! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/jboos-journalous-journey-to-health#post-70733 Sun, 23 May 2010 07:49:37 +0000 jboo 70733@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi everyone and anyone!</p> <p>I just joined this forum 3 days ago and have been really inspired by all that I have read -- if only there was more time to just read, read, read, I feel like I have already learned so much and I'm excited at how much more wisdom there is out there. For the first time in quite a while, I feel genuinely optimistic and excited, and that in itself is SO good.</p> <p>I am starting this journal really to just keep myself accountable. I desperately want to beat this - I am so sick of all the worry and stress - but I don't seem to be able to kick it alone!! I have journaled for quite a while but I hope that having it out here "live" might make a bigger impact on me. I know that one of my struggles is THINKING before doing/eating, and I hope that having this source of accountability, that I am going to have to actually write out what I am doing for a potential audience, will help me to have that "pause" moment where I'm actually able to make a decision instead of being so impulsive and then, when I do actually think to myself that I should be doing something different, making a better choice, I then talk myself out of it, give in, decide it's easier to just keep eating rather than stop and face the fact, the disappointment, that I once again gave in to impulsivity with food. And why is that the worst thing in the world anyway?? <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> I've just begun to realize what a slave I am to guilt and perfectionism.</p> <p>I have been really inspired by Lauren's journal, although I haven't had time (yet) to read all 40 pages!! Her approach to food - no restrictions, listening to what her body NEEDS, and giving up the guilt - all make sense to me. I think I got into this mess - partly it just very much fits with my guilt-heavy/perfectionist personality, but partly because I started reading a lot about nutrition and started making all kinds of rules for myself - and as there is so much conflicting nutrition info, I just got really crazed with it all. After all, it's hard to do everything "perfectly" when the definition of "perfect" is so different according to who you listen to. And I work in an area that is very body-conscious and I really internalize that and put a lot of pressure on myself, again to be perfect, but maybe more about that another time. For now, here's my morning --</p> <p>1 homemade protein coffee frap (instant coffee, almond milk, vanilla protein powder)<br /> 2 cups cereal</p> <p>a lot of cereal BUT this is my major primary binge food - so limiting to 2 cups and then walking away is huge for me, and took a lot! I first had 1 cup but it was eating at me, and now I am definitely feeling satisfied - full, but not stuffed (geesh I think I have a large, large stomach capacity with all I've put it through!!) and I feel like I can move on to a healthy lunch later. A lot of times I plan my day's meals, do you guys?? I don't always stick to my plan though, so it can feel like a waste and just add to my disappointment in myself, so I'm just going to go with more of what I feel like eating. Any thoughts on that approach??</p> <p>Thanks for being here, thanks for being a part of this forum, it is such an important service and I am so extrememly grateful to have found it!! Here's to health!!!!! <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":-)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/vickys-journel#post-87283 Wed, 01 Sep 2010 23:10:22 +0000 Vicky 87283@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Okay so I am back with another name.. or another post.. I just wanted to have a daily journel where I can post as much as possible.. I have been so slack over the last week or so which has made me feel out of it.. as soon as I came back on here this morning I felt at home again and missed seeing what everyone is up to.</p> <p>As for me, I was having a good week and broke my binge after 7 days.. but i know thats okay.. its all part of the healing process.. my binges are slowing getting better... as in i am stopping earlier than usual.. well my Tuesday binge wasnt like that.. it was more a binge of i will do this until i phsyically cannot move and have such bad anxiety that my world feels like its crashing down on me.</p> <p>Anyway - some great news is that I finish up at my contract role tomorrow.. where i feel has bought this bingeing behaviour on 10 times worse.. partly because I am so bored shitless at work and secondly my office sits above the Cupcake Bakery, 3 bakeries in general, The Original Lolly Shop amongst two food courts.. Yup.. you know where lots of my time has been spent.. and I guess you could say i am going to leave behind some bad memories and moments I never want to relive.. going from store to store bakery to bakery.. oh yuk.. i feel so disgusting when i think about it.</p> <p>Anyway so as of Saturday its a fresh start because i am on 2 weeks holiday!.. I am also excited because next Wednesday I am heading to hospital to get my boobies done! Yay.. very excited and been a long time in the making.. this has given me a bit more reason to to want to look after myself... ! So i hope that this is the time the permament change will be made.. its new beginnings out with the old in with the new.. </p> <p>Binge Monster.. its time to say goodbye.. i hate you and never liked you in the first place so please F&amp;*k off.. you are no good to me.. you have done nothing but hurt me over the last 4 months.. i dont want to know you anymore and you are simply a toxic germ in my life that is about to get a big boot in the arse!!!</p> <p>I cannot wait now to read up on all of your journals and see what has been happening </p> <p>xxxx </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/my-story-from-anorexia-to-binge-eating#post-85609 Tue, 24 Aug 2010 13:29:46 +0000 SummerBreeze 85609@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I've always had a problem with food. I remember binging for the first time on a bag or Oreos in 4th grade. I was 10. I have no history of abuse or any other triggering event to blame it on. I was never really overweight by medical standards, but I was pudgy throughout adolescence.</p> <p>When I went to college, I found myself envious of all the "beautifully skinny" girls, and so began my journey into anorexia, and my weight fell far below the healthy range. I stayed this way for a good 5 years, which is the time I got married. Again, no unhealthy relationships to report. My DH is a wonderful man, but it's around this time that I started to engage in some binge eating behaviors. Remember, though, I was coming from one extreme to the next, so my early binges were far and few between. I could easily gain 4-5 pounds in one binge, but I would restrict for 2 months, so the scales really didn't reflect my behaviors.</p> <p>Around my 2nd year of marriage, I got pregnant (which is probably a miracle within itself), and I vowed to leave my unhealthy eating habits behind. Well, in turn, I ended up binging throughout my entire pregnancy and gained a WHOPPING 80 pounds, almost doubled my weight! Yes, that's right - all from bingeing. I'm shaking my head at myself as I type this. I remember being scolded by my OB for gaining so much weight; she surely didn't realize that I was trying to stop an even worse ED from effecting my baby, which obviously got out of control.</p> <p>After my baby was born, I tried desperately to revert back to my old, unhealthy restrictive eating, but I was too "spoiled" by the "joys" of bingeing by that point. So I would restrict and binge, but the cycles were so close together that I just stayed at that weight. I became pregnant, again, and once again, I gained a tremendous amount of weight. After my second child was born I FORBADE myself from going backwards and I started reading about healthy eating and lifestyle changes.</p> <p>For 12 months I completely revamped my approach to food and I lost all the baby weight plus more. I did it by eating 4-5 small meals a day and exercising at least 4-5 times a week. I felt so GOOD. I maintained for another year. Through all of this, my DH never condemned me for gaining weight and genuinely supported my weight loss efforts. With that said, though, there were nonverbal cues sent to me that made me believe he wasn't as attracted to me at this excessive weight. As each pound was shed, he became more attentive to me, and I don't think he even knew he did this. When we met and married I was very thin, so perhaps this fuels my fire, and sadly, I know he's just not that shallow. It's a cognitive distortion, no doubt. Even so, it's one that I cling to.</p> <p>Maintenance was GREAT. I was loving my body, loving my weight and loving my family. And what better way to celebrate love than with, well...FOOD. Sure enough, I started to crave the binge. It started slowly, where I would eat 10 cookies, followed by a brief scolding from myself and I would move on. Then 10 cookies turned into 20 turned into a bag. I would think about foods that I would get for my binge. I would plan it out. It's a sickness. I'm so ashamed and I hate myself for it.</p> <p>So now I'm at a familiar crossroads. I've gained a little bit a weight, but I'm currently in binge mode, so I can either stop this now and go back to my healthy lifestyle or...or...a path to self destruction.</p> <p>It seems like I can now go a max of 7 days without having a binge, but my binges are thwarting every healhty effort I've made up to that point. I ingest large quantities of nothing but pure JUNK, and about 1/3 of the way through my binge I don't even want it anymore, but I continue, regardless. It's like I tell myself that, "This is it, you better eat it now because tomorrow you will leave this all behind".</p> <p>I CANNOT do sweets in moderation, yet I cannot do a lifestyle without them altogether. For me, it seems to be all or nothing. Black or white. All sweets or no sweets, but nothing in between. I just hate this cold, ugly place. I've tried fruits, nuts, yogurts and all those other alternatives to sweet, healthy treats, but it just doesn't do it for me.</p> <p>I think the reason I returned to sweets after eliminating them for nearly 2 years and loving my weight was because I got cocky and thought I could handle it. Well, it's very obvious that I can't.</p> <p>You know, some people get jealous of others' money, professions or skills. Do you know what I am jealous of? I'm jealous of anyone who can leave a half-full bag of Skittles in their pockets. I'm jealous of anyone, who can leave cake on their plate...anyone, who can open ANY bag of ANY sweet and have some left over.</p> <p>If you've managed to get this far, thank you.<br /> It's been 2 days since my last binge. In my head, I've already started planning my next binge, which is in 7 days. I even know what's on the menu. I'm ashamed and I can't stop. Help me.</p> <p>This is the first time in my life where I have openly admited that I had anorexia and now suffer from binge eating. It's cathartic, but also shaming.</p> <p>EDITED TO ADD:<br /> I'm 5'1"<br /> Pre-anorexic weight: 120 pounds<br /> Anorexic weight: 89 pounds<br /> Post-pregnancy weight: 160 pounds<br /> Weight after healthy eating change: 105 pounds<br /> Current weight: 115 pounds </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/stop-the-yo-yo#post-80731 Tue, 27 Jul 2010 17:12:00 +0000 Sea 80731@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I have been following the journals on this forum for the past few months. My story is similar to most of yours:</p> <p>Basically I have daddy-issues, and I feel the need to constantly be someone else (more successful, funnier .. etc) I was never a fat child, in fact I've been slim my whole life. So why am I on this forum? Because I have binged and starved myself for most of the last 10 years. I am 175cm, 64kg (right now, last week I was 59kg). In the past I have yo-yo'd up to 70kg, down to 55kg. I am usually incredibly healthy (eating fish, vegetables ... etc). My binging stopped for 3 years and restarted again last year when I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease (which is a thyroid disorder) and this constant starving/binging is certainly going to kill my thyroid altogether. </p> <p>I have managed to keep my weight from escalating too much by doing a lot of sport and by starving myself for days after consecutive binge days (often eating just 1 apple/day for 5 days ... hence setting myself up nicely for yet another binge session). I see food as the enemy and psychologically think that if I haven't eaten anything all day, I've been 'good'. As soon as I've eaten a proper meal, I feel so guilty and end up thinking 'stuff it', I've been 'bad' anyway, and then binge.</p> <p>I am so embarressed to be writing all this here, but I simply don't know how else to continue.</p> <p>My aim from this is to write down what I have eaten, so that I can make a committment and hopefully stick to it. My head's completely distorted now, with my opinion of food ... no longer knowing what truly IS bad and what is normal ... I'm hoping you can help. </p>