http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ Support to stop binge eating, stop emotional eating, and stop overeating. en Thu, 09 Sep 2010 21:14:19 +0000 http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-59548 Mon, 15 Feb 2010 23:39:28 +0000 Lauren 59548@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>oh honey I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. Sweetie 2100 isn't even over eating! Most people say 2000 calories is a normal amount for girls and if your exercising up to 2500! Certainly not 1800-1900... I wish for you to be rid of the calorie counting monster because it seems to be setting you up to feeling bad. <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_sad.gif" title=":(" class="bb_smilies" /> Why do you feel like you are failing at all those things? You are a beautiful , sweet wonderful person Michelle. Big hugs </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-59514 Mon, 15 Feb 2010 22:38:36 +0000 generationshelll 59514@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>I feel like Im failing miserably...<br /> failing as a Daughter<br /> Failing as a Friend<br /> Failing God<br /> Failing myself ..... </p> <p>Its eating at me....and i cant stand it... </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-59490 Mon, 15 Feb 2010 22:07:36 +0000 generationshelll 59490@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>hmmm Michelle has fallen off the bandwagon. No binging. But verrrryyy close.<br /> I feel so bloated ate abt 1800-1900 cals today after eating about 2100 all weekend. Too much over eating <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_razz.gif" title=":P" class="bb_smilies" /> <br /> i have no clue how im gnna get back on track. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-58153 Mon, 08 Feb 2010 23:55:37 +0000 Lauren 58153@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Yes its prob. good to drink H20 over diet sodas!! Yes 2200 calories is seriously perfectly fine! Wahoo to having un sore boobies now! Have a great night!! xoxo L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-58103 Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:01:06 +0000 generationshelll 58103@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Your the greatest Lauren :]<br /> i thnk i feel so bad about eating 2200 because i ate so much in a small amount of time. Even when i knew i wasnt hungry.<br /> Im feeling much better today</p> <p>the weather seems to be aweful but besides that all is well<br /> finally one day i feel good about<br /> i worked out<br /> And no sore boobies ne more!! thank goodness!! haha</p> <p>heres what i ate:</p> <p>cereal and milk<br /> minestone soup<br /> popcorn<br /> a pickle slice lol<br /> fish and rice<br /> salad<br /> serving of ice cream<br /> luna bar<br /> 4 mini choco donuts</p> <p>i think i did well today<br /> day 6 of no diet sodas <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> i feel bloated on water <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_razz.gif" title=":P" class="bb_smilies" /> not too fond of that....and im not even drinking a ton....just about 75oz a day. </p> <p>im trying to convince myself that changing to water was a good decision<br /> im tempted to go back to diet soda!! yikes!</p> <p>i jsut want to see the benefit of trading diet soda for water/ :]</p> <p>oh well<br /> I hope you have a wonderful tuesday!!!<br /> Thank you!</p> <p>much love, Michelle </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-57918 Mon, 08 Feb 2010 00:45:23 +0000 Lauren 57918@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Man I bet they are partying in Nola!! Oh honey 2200 calories is just fine, especially having had worked out!..some day I probably have upwards of 2500-3000. Its ok..you eat such low calories the majority of the time that it all balances out. Hugs, L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-57885 Sun, 07 Feb 2010 22:58:39 +0000 generationshelll 57885@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Oh how badly i just want to make it through a week of eating well.... :/ </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-57875 Sun, 07 Feb 2010 21:48:44 +0000 generationshelll 57875@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Yay go Saints :]<br /> okay so I just got done watching the superbowl. Today started out alright. But i did end up eating quite a bit.</p> <p>2200 cals worth today..... im not gnna bet myself up at all. But i mean it def wasnt alright lol wait is 2200 cals even really that bad? i have such a bad sense of how many cals r bad and how many are normal...</p> <p>i have a gameplan for this week. So its gnna go very well.<br /> On the plus side i did workout today which was nice.<br /> today is alos my 5th day without diet soda. All i drink is water now which i good i believe. <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> no caffine headache anymore thank goodness. I know that if i can go 5 days without a soda i def can start eating healthy again. I dont want to adopt old bad habits. </p> <p>i really hope tomorrow goes well. <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-57814 Sun, 07 Feb 2010 17:01:32 +0000 jent 57814@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi Michelle -- Just checking in on you...how is everything.</p> <p>Caffeine can make your boobs hurt. maybe let the soda wear off and see what happens.</p> <p>Sending a big hug. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-57330 Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:45:12 +0000 Lauren 57330@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Yeah I know Michelle..intuitive eating can be a scary idea...so just approach it when you feel like it is the right time for you. You could get one of those books that a lot of girls on here are getting...and if you ever have any questions you can always shoot them my way. Nope you are the binge-free rockstar Michelle!! Your day looks good...sorry your boobies are sore...it sounds like a side effect of the bc...so maybe see your MD and get it switched to a different kind that won't have that side effect. Hope your therapy session goes well tomorrow. Hugs love. ~L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-57311 Thu, 04 Feb 2010 22:38:01 +0000 generationshelll 57311@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Lauren: I know Intuitive eating would be the best but I just don't know where to begin. Im afraid of losing control is all.... And Although i have been binge free longer I believe you are the one who has really made the most progress <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> Im so thrilled its Friday!! i hope you have a wonderful relaxing weekend!!! &amp; thank<br /> you!!!</p> <p>today went well<br /> heres what I ate:</p> <p>Cereal &amp; milk (i usually never had milk w it)<br /> Luna bar<br /> broccolii<br /> sweet and sour chicken<br /> toast<br /> serving of ice cream<br /> some strawberry cookies<br /> Luna bar.</p> <p>About 1370 total.<br /> I also worked out which i really didnt feel like doing but im glad i ended up doing it.<br /> DAY 2 of no Diet soda is basically done with<br /> No huge headache...just a slight one....feeling a bit drowsy. </p> <p>Tommorrow is my therapist appt so im hoping that goes well.</p> <p>And i knwo this is random but for the past couple months my boobs have been sooo sore constantly. AT first I assumed i was just pmsing but not 2 weeks before my period. Ive been on BC for 2 weeks and my boobs are hurting very badly. It makes it really hard to run. Im thinking i may need to see a doc idk what it could be and im tired of it!!! haha just putting that out there to see if you guys have any idea of what is causing it.</p> <p>I hope everyone has a great Friday!!!</p> <p>Much love, Michelle </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-56799 Wed, 03 Feb 2010 00:11:03 +0000 Lauren 56799@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey girl..hmm well 1800 calories does not sound bad at all. You know I think you should really work at intuitive eating. You have been binge free longer than me so technically you are the resident expert at this but I just want to make sure that you don't find yourself in a place where you feel like you are just dieting really well and not experiencing that total freedom from food obsessions/restrictions/planning and BED....intuitive eating and not calorie counting will get you there like I've seen a lot of girls on here get to. You are doing great and I support you in anything you do but I love you and want the absolute best for you. I would love for you to be able to not have to count calories and feel guilty if you eat a little extra one day or worry about still trying to lose weight. You deserve that. Just a thought..you are welcome to say 'shut up lauren' <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> Hmm I would prob try and wean down from the sodas as cold turkey will probably give you a gigantic headache... sweet dreams M. Hugs, L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-56751 Tue, 02 Feb 2010 21:22:29 +0000 generationshelll 56751@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>hmm i dont understand why no its so hard to stick to the plan i followed for almost 4 months. I know im capable... I just dont think ive really mentally prepared myself. Like im not as motivated as before. Today went alright. i ate prob around 1800 cals.... i know!! i ate out of boredom....i thnk that was it!!! dang lol i need to stop!! so All i can do it do beter tomorrow....no use beatingmyself up about it. Im excited for a new day tomorrow. No matter what it will be a good day. I thnk if i start having more self control it will be better. Like before when i had eaten enough i would tell myself okay you dont need any more....but now i give in. so im going to work on that. Its def not goos to fall back into habits that lead to binging. So i wont! </p> <p>I dont have a beak in school till the day after V day....which is nly 1 day off. I do have a week off in March tho so im def looking forward to that.<br /> i havnt been really doing anything to de stress.....besides well eating :O....<br /> blah...<br /> So im going to set a goal to lose my last 8-9 lbs by my bday on April 22nd. I thnk thats a very reasonable goal. </p> <p>welll i have a headach because i had wayy too much soda today</p> <p>hmmm i was considering jsut kicking the habit and quittting cold turkey...i know they say dnt but i thnk i can do it. and honeslty i thnk that may be the best way for me to sttop. hmm idk. </p> <p>well i hope everyone is doing well!!!<br /> thank you!!!!!</p> <p>much love, Michelle </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-56620 Tue, 02 Feb 2010 08:40:03 +0000 jent 56620@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi Girl...hang in there. Do you get any vacay soon? We have Mid-Feb break in 2 weeks. I know you are feeling stressed. What are you doing to de-stress...We are here for you..sending much love. Jen </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-56555 Tue, 02 Feb 2010 01:00:50 +0000 Lauren 56555@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey Michelle sorry you have been pretty stressed out lately. Just try and feel your way thru your days and realize that food isn't going to really make you feel better. Hey its ok you are food comforting a bit, we all do that, as long as it doesn't spiral out of control, its ok. Anything in particular you are really stressed about? Get on here to vent if you are feeling overwhelmed. Hugs M~ L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-56536 Tue, 02 Feb 2010 00:02:39 +0000 generationshelll 56536@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>hey everyone!!!!<br /> i sorta junked out today<br /> oh my these past days have been so blah!!<br /> im trying to be positive...but its like wth is happeneing!!?</p> <p>heres what i ate<br /> cereal<br /> luna bar<br /> some veggies &amp; squash<br /> pasta<br /> toast<br /> ice cream<br /> some strawberry cookies<br /> another luna bar<br /> 4 mini choco donuts<br /> heart candies</p> <p>yea not exactly my best... ive been eating my emotions latley its been rough. Im trying to think positve :/ School is very stressfull and im very much ready for it to be over. </p> <p>hope everyone is doign well!!! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55883 Sat, 30 Jan 2010 11:33:25 +0000 Lauren 55883@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey girl..yeah I know fast food there isn't much to eat healthy but usually there are some salad options and really its ok to not always eat super healthy. I'm sorry you are feeling nauseous...it probably is from starting the new birth control...usually that passes within the first week or two so I would say ride it out. Hope you have a nice weekend! ~L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55858 Sat, 30 Jan 2010 07:31:05 +0000 jent 55858@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi Sweet Michelle - ucky -- sorry you are feeling nawj...that sux. I hope is passes soon. Have a good weekend. Your eating looks perfecto. Sending big hugs your way. Life is beautiful. Enjoy! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55834 Sat, 30 Jan 2010 02:10:25 +0000 generationshelll 55834@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>even the healthy options on the menu arnt that healthy at all you know?<br /> yay candy hearts! so yummy lol</p> <p>today went well</p> <p>heres what i ate:</p> <p>cereal<br /> luna bar<br /> veggies and pasta<br /> toast<br /> salad<br /> veggie chips<br /> luna bar<br /> popcorn<br /> sunflower seeds<br /> baked chips<br /> kitkat bar (omgoodness soooo good!!!)</p> <p>about 1500 cals total</p> <p>i didnt workout today</p> <p>ive been feeling slightly nauseous latley...its been coming in waves</p> <p>i think it may be the birthcontrol<br /> because last summer i was put on it for my acne...and its made me horribly ill...after abt 2 weeks i cldnt continue it...but that was the higheer dose</p> <p>so this time around i decided to try it again the one with lower estragin hoping i wldnt have the same reaction because my pms symptoms are bad!</p> <p>i really really hope my nausea passes. yikes!!! its not that bad tho so ill keep it up</p> <p>no plans for the weekend!! I hope you guys have a wonderful weekend!!<br /> Thank you! </p> <p>much love, Michelle </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55655 Fri, 29 Jan 2010 00:58:31 +0000 jent 55655@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>So glad to see you in a better place. Yay for candy valentine hearts! Ice and stretch girlie! Have a good nite lovee! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55649 Fri, 29 Jan 2010 00:28:20 +0000 Lauren 55649@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey Michelle! Four miles is great! Be careful with that foot so that you don't end up injuring it. Maybe try icing it after you run. Your food looks good for today..I'm glad you feel good! Hmm maybe there is a bit of a healthier option you can feel comfortable ordering out with your friends. Hope you have a great night! xoxo ~L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55632 Thu, 28 Jan 2010 23:42:12 +0000 generationshelll 55632@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Today went quite well :]</p> <p>Quote of the day:<br /> “Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections"<br /> I love that quote because its so true!! </p> <p>Any ways...</p> <p>I worked out... ran 4 mi.. not too much<br /> my feet are slightly bothering me which im trying to ignore lol<br /> i ate about 1350 cals today</p> <p>heres what i ate<br /> cereal<br /> luna bar<br /> salad<br /> chicken&amp;rice&amp;veggies<br /> luna bar<br /> some candy hearts<br /> another serving or cereal<br /> some popcorn<br /> and a grapefruit (yummy) <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> <p>i ate alright today i think<br /> I feel so much better when i eat good... i feel unstopable<br /> i still have that prob with going out to lunch w friends tho<br /> they arnt rlly health consciecen and i feel so wierd being like no ill jsut eat a luna bar when they are out eating fast food. I just dont care for fast food at all. Blah :O</p> <p>i also started my chart on my vanity again<br /> i think that definatly helps motivate me to keep going<br /> so silly but it works!!!</p> <p>thanks so much Lauren!!<br /> have a fantastic day!!!!</p> <p>Much love, Michelle </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55482 Thu, 28 Jan 2010 00:24:50 +0000 Lauren 55482@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>YAY! So happy to hear you are feeling great! BC sounds like a great idea...might end up doing that myself! Sleep good cutie! ~L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55478 Thu, 28 Jan 2010 00:08:59 +0000 generationshelll 55478@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey Ashrose!!! Yea my sister has caused a lot of emotional scars for me but I do forgive her. Yet i do still have some repressed anger. I understand that she was going through a very difficult tiem but at the same time im unsympathetic. Its always a internal conflict with me. Thank you though :]</p> <p>Hey Lauren!! I jsut got on BC cuz i cannot stand my pms and symptoms before my period. So im hoping that will help with my mood swings. Today was a wonderful day. :]Feel better Gurlie!!!!!!!</p> <p>im excited for a new day tomorrow :] nothing can stop me now!<br /> life is beautiful</p> <p>"nothings impossible to a willing heart"<br /> and oh how my heart is willing! <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55420 Wed, 27 Jan 2010 21:05:02 +0000 Lauren 55420@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey Michelle...cycle time is the absolute worst..I think all we can do is just get thru it and knot it will get better! I am so happy to hear you are feeling better though now. Wonderful. Always here for you friend. xoxo ~L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55387 Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:38:39 +0000 ashrose 55387@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi Shell. I have to thank you for posting that heart wrenching story about your sister. I have a problem similar to her and never really stepped back to think about how it may be affecting others. I recently told my parents that I have that issue and they were hurt but i never thought how badly it could hurt another person. Thank you. I hope you are doing well. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55385 Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:27:30 +0000 generationshelll 55385@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Lena: thank you so much for the inspiring words :] its means soo much! Yea the past couple days ive been trying to acknowledge the small beautiful things in life. And it does make me feel a lot better and really blessed. </p> <p>Lauren: yea even i know food doesnt make me feeling any better...maybe while eating it but afterwards not at all. I'm gnna push through all my emotions and re focus. I know its not my cycle cuz i had it last week... but oh my right before i was pissed at the world... i was pmsing badd!!! and then for a week after that I didnt go anywhere, ate w/e (not binging thank goodness) and slept....and that was my day. I could feel myself slipping back to the person I was 4 mo ago and that really worried me. So Now im snapping out of it and today have felt really happy. So i think its working. :] I hope you feel better also!!! Periods can be such a pain :O</p> <p>Jen: Thank you!!! even from overeating the past few days i feel somewhat gross. i mean once everywhile is okay but.... Ive been going out with friends at lunch latley because they have been inviting me and I think its a lot better than going hope and being alone. However im not into fast food that much and ive ate out twice with them int he past week and when we went out today i just got a drink. They eat fast food everyday and im not to fond of fast food at alll....but i dnt exactly know how to tell them that... When i got home i jsut had a luna bar which was satisfying. I didnt feel deprived but it want to go with them but its jsut What do i do? I really cld use a hug i never thought id feel so socially disconnected w people. I miss the interaction. Since I jsut lost my best friend....well we had a falling out...its been hard but I tried my best to call and admit my mistakes but she doesnt want to talk. So.... Even though it hurts I'm not gnna let it get me down. </p> <p>I found this quote yesterday that I liked:<br /> "Nothing is impossible to a willing heart" </p> <p>It gives me hope and reminds me of my strength to keep going. :]</p> <p>Thank you Lena, Lauren, &amp; Jen!!! I feel really blessed to have each of you here supporting me. Its means more than I cld ever express.<br /> Have a wonderful day my friends!! and Stay strong!!! </p> <p>much love, Michelle </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55338 Wed, 27 Jan 2010 12:31:36 +0000 jent 55338@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>You are so strong -- its ok to chill on your demands of yourself a little bit...as long as you can get back to eating the way you want to. Take some time to do something fun or different. Thinking postive thoughts for you and sending a hug! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55263 Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:32:31 +0000 Lauren 55263@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey girl..sorry the last few days have been tough and you've been feeling bad. Just remember that food will never really make you feel better and will only make you feel worse in the end. Feel thru those emotions and they will turn around and get better. Maybe its getting close to cycle time? I've been feeling a bit funky today and am hoping that means the cycles around the corner. Hmm Hang in there love. ~L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55241 Tue, 26 Jan 2010 22:58:09 +0000 Lena5 55241@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi Michelle. I'm new here. I just read your post about your childhood. I'm so sorry you had to endure such pain. I think the dreams are pushing you to take the steps you need to take to heal. I remember feeling powerless in a relationship when I was younger and I used to dream about Oprah and Robin (from Batman) coming to my rescue (!), saying everything I couldn't say to the offenders. As I became stronger emotionally, I had dreams where I stood up for myself. After that I didn't dream about those people anymore. Every day is a new day. Look for the gifts. I'm sure you will see instances of kindness throughout your day that will remind you that you are loved, maybe not by the people you need to love you, but by the people who want to love you. One of the sweetest things that my husband ever said when I was stuck in cement was "Keep going. Don't give up. I love you." It meant everything to hear that. It made me cry. You may feel uncomfortable when you cry, but crying is important. It releases stress hormones and helps you relax. I don't know you, but you have been through alot and you are doing important work to heal. You are brave. Have a good night and a better tomorrow. Lena </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55240 Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:48:29 +0000 generationshelll 55240@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>hey Jen<br /> thank you :]<br /> ive been trying to be positive is orta went through like a week of semi depression...sleeping... not doing much...not rlly caring...but i decided that Im gnna be positive. However ive been overeating thepast few days... Eating my emotions im like 99.5 % sure of....blahh.... im just gnna try to do the best i can 2mrw. i rlly cant go back to the way i was :/ </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-55176 Tue, 26 Jan 2010 13:17:49 +0000 jent 55176@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>hope you are ok.,.... </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-54720 Sat, 23 Jan 2010 09:11:39 +0000 jent 54720@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Good morning Michelle and thank you for your above post. I know it takes a lot of courage to post about the past, especially one that hurt you so. I notice that you use the word betrayal a lot. Were you very close to your sister before these things started to happen? It seems like maybe that is the case. I am sorry that you ended up feeling this events so deeply and painfully. It is very hard because sometimes people living in pain and going through this stuff don't realize or care about the impact that they have on others. Seems like you are at the beginning of unraveling a very intense internal mental thing here. Just know that we are here to listen at any time. I hope you find something good to do this weekend. it is freezing here in NY and I just want to sleep all day! Not good either! have a good day lovee. xox Jen </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-54700 Sat, 23 Jan 2010 01:26:04 +0000 generationshelll 54700@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>anyways today was my off day<br /> I went out to lucnh with friends and ate 2 pieces of pizza<br /> i sorta ate a lot today<br /> well... i ate w/e i wanted lol<br /> i also worked out today. Myfeet are beginning to hurt...grrr<br /> i was supposed to go out tonight it didnt happen though<br /> oh well.<br /> My therapist apt went good. I cried...ugh i hate that lol<br /> but i really did need it.<br /> tomorrow im back on track <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> <br /> all is well.<br /> I hope everyone has a wonderful day!!</p> <p>btw Jen... no plans for the weekend :[ not good at all.. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-54699 Sat, 23 Jan 2010 01:18:02 +0000 generationshelll 54699@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Below is something my therapist suggested i do. To try and stop my constant dreams about my sister...and me crying.... and leaving me feeling mad at her the next day when she didnt even do anything. Read if you like</p> <p>Thrusting her fist into the drywall leaving a hollow hole, a sentiment of that nights fate.<br /> "I hate it here" She screamed... sending chills down my back.<br /> An all too familar atmosphere of yelling, tears, and fights.<br /> Eye witness accounts that tore at my innocence.<br /> What was a ten year old to do watching her sister be pinned to that green carpet....being drug across the ground.<br /> I try not to remember. Sometimes forgetting is the easiest but it has come back to haunt me.<br /> 8 yrs later i have reoccuring dreams about the memories i tired so hard to surpress...deny any remembrance.<br /> They are erupting from my core and emotionally scarring me.<br /> So Im going to face everything i havnt. its time i accept the truth. The dreams must end.<br /> So here is every smell,feeling, memory having to do with my pain,anger associated with my sister.<br /> I remember I used to stand stupified watching my sister and partents figght....but over time my guard became emaciated. I had no escape. With each fight I became more anxious..more fearful...more emotionally wounded. I tried to run to my room...plugging up my ears....my only defense.<br /> I remember the times i hated most...when my sister argued with my parennts...then out of spite... hurting them int he worst way possible. "I'm goign to go throw up.Watch me" She wld say as though she was proving something to the world. I didnt understnad. i hated it. The sounds....the gagging...i couldnt listen ...but then to be forced to see it... that was too much i couldnt. Sometiems i made it to my room and plugged my ears blockking out the purging but other times i was stuck....absorbing in the gagging....spitting...<br /> Even now I can picture the bathroom perfectly, the brightness of the room spilling out into the hallway when the door was open. The only room of that house that i can remember in such detail.<br /> Even when we moved. Fighting continued.<br /> my sister would excuse herself to her bathroom way too often. By this time I had my suspiscions. I understood what she was doing. I felt betrayed. i crouched on my stairs so many times peaking under the bathroom door.... too often seeing my sister kneeling.. I felt so furious...betrayed everytime. How can she do this to herself! why is she doing this to me too! Shes hurting me also, doesnt she know that I'm not stupid i know what shes doing. Everytime that ran through my head. Everytime tempted to runt o the door and bang on it and yell at her making a smart comment. I never did though. Oh how i wanted to.<br /> Hearing it was the worst too.<br /> A sound that echoed in my mind...reminding me of those days when i was 10. Setting afire a feeling of helplessness...pain.... hurt... anger. A unsettling feeling that I couldnt escape. Plugging up my ears wouldnt help. All i vould do was rememebr whatshe was doing. I couldnt take it.<br /> Going into the bathroom that we shared and seeing marks in the toilet...<br /> ever i began recognizing the horrid smeell of throw up lingering int he bathroom. Something similar to burnt popcorn. I was disgusted... enraged... all too often i smelt that smell just a reminder of what my sister was doing.<br /> for six years I had been attacked from my sister in the best way possible...the biggest way she could hurt me.... left with no defense....To throw it in my face every time i heard that sound...rmember that bathroom...smelt that horrid smell. I wonder if she ever knew how much it ate at me. How much it hurt to constantly be reminded of how she was hurting herself. How I was helpless...leaving me feeling angry... hurt beyond repair..betrayed. Betrayed she had picked the best payback ever... one that i never deserved. One catalized by her fury of life....sinking into my soul...my mind...my memories.One that tainted my innocence. I saw things a 10 yr old never shld have to see. Things a child shouldnt have to deserve. My parents and older sister were suppose to keep me feeling safe int he environent which i lived....but instead the environment was hostile...threatening my emotional health. How could my parents do this to me. How could my sister do this to me? She was selfish. My parents and sister didnt think about how i was being affected. Don't i deserve to be happy too? i hate that my parents and sister cant recognize what they have done. Take responsibility for it. Never has she apologized about it...asked me. Why did i have to ask constantly for therapy? After many attempts feeling defeated. Why wasnt i ever considered? It wasnt fair. i want to forgive forget but how...? When i feel such betrayal?<br /> I'm tired of my wounds weeping for the past years. Tears i once released in real life...now are released in my dreams. These memories are haunting me. I want to forgive. I dont want to dream any more of these memories. Its time i acknowlegde the past and move on. Some answers will never be answered and im trying to accept that. ........ </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-54617 Fri, 22 Jan 2010 10:34:23 +0000 jent 54617@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hi Michelle - I like your avatar -- so cute. Sorry you are feeling like poo. I hope your appt. is helpful. Grab that phone and call your friend. I bet it will help tons. What are you planning for the weekend??? Hope your day is better today. XOX Jen </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-54576 Fri, 22 Jan 2010 00:28:32 +0000 Lauren 54576@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey love...no problemo..thats what I'm hear for <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> I'm sorry you are feeling depressed lately...do you know whats causing it? I hope your therapist helps make you feel better. Pick up the phone and call your best friend...no better anti-depressent then catching up with good friends. I'd give your body at least one day off a week to rest. And stay off that scale <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> Have a great night! xoxo L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-54575 Fri, 22 Jan 2010 00:24:09 +0000 generationshelll 54575@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Aww Lauren Thank you for making me feel better! Your the greatest! </p> <p>yep i pretty much ate the same as yesterday today lol<br /> tomorrow is my off day so Im gnna go out with a friend.<br /> I also wasnt going to workout today but i was very aggravated throughout the day so i wanted to let stress out. So i had to lol which helped alot!<br /> Today was a sucky day. Determined to make tomorrow better. I feel like ive been slightly falling back into depression...not there yet but if i continue the way i am i will be. the past few days ive been unmotivated, witht he the id rather sleep attitude then go out. Sorta like moping lol. No more!<br /> I also have my therapist apt 2mmrw im glad i rlly need it. So im hoping it helps.</p> <p>im planning on working out 2mrw morn.<br /> idk if working out everyday is okay.<br /> and i reallly wanna weigh!!!! its horrible. Im resisting tho lol</p> <p>i need to call my best friend.... ihavnt talked to her in a couple weeks and i think thats wats upsetting me. She called me last week and gave me a # to reach her and i jsut havnt called. My lazy i dont care attitude sorta didnt allow for that...it was like i'll call tomorrow...id rather sleep right now type of thing. so Tomorrow im def calling. i have to because i really do care and i dnt want her to think i dont. :/ </p> <p>Well i hope everyone has an amazing friday tomorrow!!<br /> much love, Michelle </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-54446 Thu, 21 Jan 2010 11:43:41 +0000 Lauren 54446@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey girl..sounds like you did good with food today! I'm glad you are getting ok with eating a bit more calorie wise...and staying flexible with it is the most important thing. Yeah I know what you mean about wanting to keep control over the weight loss thing but really letting it go will help because first, you will lose the weight anyway, but second, it takes away that desperate/obsessive thoughts about NEEDING to lose weight. You are so smart, kind, and beautiful..that is what you have going for you friend! Sorry you are feeling in a funk right now but thing will look up soon. Hang in there Michelle! ~L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-54396 Wed, 20 Jan 2010 23:58:35 +0000 generationshelll 54396@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Thank you Lauren!!!</p> <p>I know what you mean about the calories. Im more open to eating closer to 1500 a day. Somedays it will be more but thats okay <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_biggrin.gif" title=":D" class="bb_smilies" /> </p> <p>i think whats happening is that im focusing on losing weight because I can control that. Thats one thing i have complete control over. So i think because i feel like im losing control in other aspects of my life im sorta substituting weightloss to help fill that void. grr. Not a good thing as all. But sometimes im liek working out and eating good is the only thing i got going for me. Thats how ive been feeling latley. Just blah... :/</p> <p>imma try to snap outta that tho lol</p> <p>ive decided to do a quote of the day..idk maybe ill get inspired :]</p> <p> “The only real failure in life is the failure to try.”</p> <p>Today was alright... like i said im just idk in a funk haha</p> <p>i worked out.<br /> its i believe 4 mo 2 wks ...?days of being binge free<br /> day 3 of healthy eating &amp;exercise</p> <p>Heres what i ate today</p> <p>Cereal<br /> Luna bar<br /> pretzels<br /> thai noodles and a chicken &amp; veggies ( veryy yummy)<br /> salad<br /> serving of ice cream<br /> some strawberry cookies<br /> and a lemon luna bar </p> <p>I did okay today i believe.<br /> I have stayed committed to taking my vitamins also and only 3 sodas a day. so im making some progress.</p> <p>Well i hope everyone is doing good!! :DD</p> <p>Much love, Michelle </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-54263 Wed, 20 Jan 2010 00:26:33 +0000 Lauren 54263@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey girl..I agree with your nutritionist..eating only 1250 and under 1300 calories is WAY to little, especially for someone who is working out. You will still lose weight eating at least 1500 and you could probably even go up to 2000 with working out and still lose weight. Remember this is about making a healthy relationship with food the priority over weight loss. You'll still lose weight but it needs to be sustainable..and eating under 1300 calories for life just isn't realistic, you know? You will take off those extra 8 pounds with time not bingeing, but I wouldn't put pressure on yourself to do it within a few weeks. I'm glad your going to cut the weigh ins down to once a week. You are doing really well Michelle...just don't let that binge monster make weight loss your focus. Hugs, L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-54237 Tue, 19 Jan 2010 22:50:36 +0000 generationshelll 54237@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>so Today is<br /> day 2 of my eating healthy and exercising<br /> im rlly trying to lose these 8 last lbs. In a healthy way of course <img src="http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/bb-plugins/bb-smilies/default/icon_smile.gif" title=":)" class="bb_smilies" /> So it may take a few weeks.<br /> and i have vowed to weighing myself only weekly again...since i began weighing daily again soo that has to stop. ;]<br /> Yesterday went very well I ate about 1250 cals &amp; wrked out.<br /> Today I think i ate well overall. I took a nap and got hungry so i ate a lil more. so i had about 1470 cals. I also worked out today. </p> <p>Im conflicted because my nutritionist wanted me to do 1500 cals a day ...so im like do i do 1500 still?<br /> I hate how i feel like if i eat more than 1300 im doomed at losing weight. Trying to break that mentality. </p> <p>So ifeel like im jsut going to eat 1300-1500 cals a day based on whether im hungrier some days then others. I think thats the right think to do. </p> <p>Im trying to be optimistic. But i still feel iffy... O.o<br /> oh well. It shall pass i hope!! i hate when i feel like this. </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-53919 Mon, 18 Jan 2010 09:27:08 +0000 Lauren 53919@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Hey Michelle..I'm sorry things are tough right now. You are so strong and have come so far, I know you will pull things back together. If calorie counting is what you need to do right now to get back control, then do it. Stay strong girl. ~Lauren </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-53895 Mon, 18 Jan 2010 07:10:00 +0000 jent 53895@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Michelle Sweet Michelle -</p> <p>I kind of feel the same. If you read my post I screwed up yesterday bigtime. I am rethinking too. I feel like going back to counting would work better for me. I think it might be ok to do that...as long as it does not become an obsession or a failure if you go over your cals.</p> <p>Maybe you are just more stressed and fatigued than usual from studying and having so much going on w your friend and all. It is worth the effort to push through and figure out what you are striving for eating wise.</p> <p>Keep posting...love ya girl! </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-53843 Mon, 18 Jan 2010 02:51:53 +0000 generationshelll 53843@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Thnak you!!</p> <p>im thinking i need to make some changes. Idk how but i do. I feel my old ways creeping on. Thinking abt food more often...wanting to eat when im not hungry...wanting to eat late at night...wanting to eat when people arnt around. Its not good I think i may have lost focus. And Im becoming less strict on myself leading myself to fall right back where i was at the beginning of this process. So tomorrow is day 1 of I have no clue lol....working out...eating right. I made a promise to myslef that i wldnt go back ot how I was and Im not going to let myself fall back into old ways. No more eating in secracy unless im hungry. only eating 1300-1500 cals a day. Intuitive eating hasnt gone well...yikes!!<br /> im beginning to feel like im loseing control lol although i havnt gne completly crazy. I high standards for myself. ;] i know i can do this...def difficult but all i can do it try and push through. Its def wworth the effort </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-53428 Fri, 15 Jan 2010 11:44:42 +0000 Lauren 53428@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Congrats on getting into A &amp; M!! That is awesome!! You still leaning towards being a teacher? Sorry you were so rushed getting to your exams..I don't think you need to start intuitive eating over again. Believe me it is nothing that anyone ever does perfectly. There are some days that I totally don't eat intuitively because I'm too busy at work, so I just eat a moderate amount and don't beat myself up for not doing it perfectly. The key is flexibility and doing it when you can. The most important time is when I'm eating out at restaurants..then I make sure to do it really well. But at home when I know I'm eating a moderate amount...I don't always do it...so just go with the situation. You are doing really well Michelle!! Xoxo ~L </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/5#post-53388 Fri, 15 Jan 2010 04:38:26 +0000 jent 53388@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>CONGRATS That is awesome! Are you happy or what? I bet you once the stress of midterms is over you will be able to accomplish what you want with eating and exercise..i'd say given the circumstances, you are doing pretty good. Your brain is working overtime right now! So...get rest and have a great day! XOX Jen </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/4#post-53377 Thu, 14 Jan 2010 23:47:37 +0000 generationshelll 53377@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Thank you Lauren &amp; Jen for the motivational words :]<br /> Jen its okay i used to eat pop tarts&amp;grahmn crackers&amp; ice cream&amp; lil debbie cakes&amp; pb and marshmellows&amp; candy and toast and everything basically. I never ate the wholeof something but a lot of variety which added up to a lot!!!! :O</p> <p>Today was alright.<br /> I woke up late and rushed to school so i cld take my exam. I was sortve discouraged because I was like If I were in college i wldve been screwed. Thank goodness i wasnt. Regardless i did very well on both my exams. I just have one more tomorrow, which should go well. The only downfall of waking up late is i was soo hungry while taking my exams...cuz i didnt have time to eat...i barely had to time to get dressed lol</p> <p>I didnt exercise today<br /> I overate a lil towards the end of the day. Nothing horrible though. Im actually feeling content.<br /> I didnt work out either...I havnt quite got back on my schedule grr...<br /> heres what i had:</p> <p>turkey sandwich on wheat bread<br /> pretzels<br /> fiber one bar ( i wasnt going to eat but i was hungry and i thnk i sorta intuitive ate there. I wldnt say i did that the whole day but i didnt restrict my hunger)</p> <p>Chicken&amp;rice&amp;veggies<br /> salad<br /> steamed brocolii</p> <p>serving of cereal<br /> luna bar ( ibought a bunch of lemon ones. I really love them!!)<br /> serving of ice cream<br /> 2 graham crackers w 2 marshmellows<br /> &amp; another serving of ice cream</p> <p>I wasnt going to eat anything but i was honestly hungry around 9 and i thought well if i shld at least intuitively eat a lil bit. So i didnt restrict as usual. I inturn had the graham crackers w melted marshmellows...which prob wasnt the best choice but then i sorta gave in and was like mmm that ice cream was so good so i had another serving :/. I wld say my meals for today were good just the snacking that got me.<br /> oh well i suppose<br /> Im really going to try to have more self dicipline tomorrow. I know i can.</p> <p>maybe i shld start day 1 of intuively eating again. im sorta getting it. I do have my moments. </p> <p>i also got my calcium vitamins today and multivitamins.<br /> Im so proud that even though i havnt been eating great. I have been able to lower my soda intake. and balance it w water.<br /> intstead of 4 sodas a day and 2 waters<br /> I now have only 3 sodas a day and drink about 4 water bottles a day. So thats a big step. Imma try to get down to 2 sodas a day and eventually jsut one. At least im making some progress throughout all of this.</p> <p>I still havnt talked to my best friend. Its been a few days her phone is cut off.. so O.o hmmm...</p> <p>also im very happy finally I am officially accepted to A&amp;M. :DD ITs very excited!! I cant wait.</p> <p>anyways I hope everyone has a magnificent day!!!<br /> Much love, Michelle </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/4#post-53239 Thu, 14 Jan 2010 05:00:17 +0000 jent 53239@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>It is not bad Michelle, really. Looks like lots of fun food that you eat with friends. Trust me on binges I have eaten up to 10 granola bars and a package of graham crackers dipped in milk and finished that off with a dessert of chips with salsa. (just putting in into perspective for you girl...if you can count 2 marshmellows and 2 graham crackers...you are just fine honey. I think you are probably freaked bc you just talked to the nutritionist....she (he?) doesn't eat healthily EVERY day either so don't worry about not eating perfectly or having to be "better". You will figure it out love. Hope you have a great day. Much strength and love going your way! Jen </p> http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/topic/michelles-journal/page/4#post-53213 Thu, 14 Jan 2010 00:03:39 +0000 Lauren 53213@http://howtostopeating.com/binge-eating-forum/ <p>Doesn't look like a binge to me...looks just fine. We all have days when we over eat...what matters is not losing complete control. Hope you have a great night Michelle! ~L </p>